Sagacity.
I’m another year older, another year wiser, and it’s OFFICIALLY my one-year anniversary at Three Strikes!!! June 2001 was such a mind-boggling month in my life … how was I to know that June 2002 would be just as dramatic?!?!
So much has happened, from starting this job to my wretched June 23 debacle last year and the horrendous week-o-soul-searching that led up to it. So many friends have drifted into my life and drifted out; similarly, some came in screaming and left with a bang. Six men (yes, only six!) found their ways into my bed in the last 12 months .. many within the same week! LOL … The job has both saved and killed me, depending on whatever family circumstance was occuring at the time and needed more attention. I’ve hated and loved myself, for a variety of reasons — some were recurring issues; some simply sprang out of nowhere and dissolved into the abyss of forgotten thoughts just as quickly as they arose.
I’m a different person than I was a year ago, in so many ways. I am more reserved, less likely to react based solely on emotion, and having seen the world from the top of the corporate food chain, I am more responsible as well as responsive. But that’s just work-related. Personally, after getting over last June’s debacle (which took quite a few weeks, at least), I am more impulsive, more likely to go after what I really want instead of what is there, and more inclined to just enjoy the moments instead of wishing for more. I also came to a point where the memory bank is acquiring more images, and I now take the time to sit and reflect … and even smile … at the escapades that I have either created or enjoyed (or both!).
One thing that is different: I was never afraid. And I’ve spent the last year being afraid. But the fear is dissolving rapidly. I’m going to make it in this world, and even if I have to struggle (financially, emotionally, etc.) till the day I die, I will die a happy woman. Because I will have done everything (and everyone!) on my wish list. 😀 Or at least I will have had some damn good fantasies about them, if I simply can’t have them all!!!
I write this as I suffer through a horrendous workday, with piles of new projects to complete in the next seven days when I can’t even get to the shit that’s been sitting on my desk for several months. I may not sleep till after June 21, my last day of work, but I’ll have maximized my abilities, and I will have no regrets that I “could’ve, should’ve, etc.” done more. I will reflect upon my job and my life in Pittsburgh the way I have reflected upon everything else: with a sense of pride, with a sense of humor, with a sense of accomplishment.
Damn it, I ROCK!!!!