Happiness.
At long last, happiness. I’ve still got so much work ahead of me — the apartment, the job, the psyche — but I know that if I can just stay alive on these Washington streets, I will be okay.
Had a good time last night with DC Boy, the one I met in April. I probably talked too much, but that’s hardly a first for me. Am hoping for a second date. He’s sweet and mild and articulate and brilliant. Although … he has had bad experiences with Geminis (he’s a Capricorn … understandably!), but alas, he unknowingly had the quintissential Gemini sitting right in front of him … moi! We had a nice little meal in Dupont Circle, and that was that … he had moved a friend all day, so we were both kinda wiped out from moving adventures.
Too early to tell where, if anywhere, this is going. That’s okay. I’m in no rush. I just think it’s cute how we’ve kept in touch for the past two months, and we got to see each other during my first weekend here. If this does go anywhere, well, we live almost an hour and a half apart (damn Beltway). I understand that people down here don’t date people on the other side of DC because of the traffic. LOL. I just need to become a much more confident (and aggressive!) driver so that I can not only survive in this city, but also maybe see DC Boy if and when opportunity should arise.
Saw 42 Boy on the day before the movers came. I am unquestionably sexually attracted to him, yet I just can’t shake the feeling that he might be married. Even Mom, who had never met him until he helped me grab some stuff from her place on the day before the move, casually mentioned to me that she wondered if he were married (and this was without me even saying anything to her). He talked about his little boy, but says that he and the mom are on good terms and he can see the child whenever he wants. I don’t know … maybe it’s my own paranoia from being scorched a few times, and from also seeing my friends get into these situations as well, perahps it is best that there is no emotional attachment.
SE is coming to DC this weekend and wants to see me. I do miss him and am looking forward to the visit. He has kind of backed off, which I appreciate. I was talking a bit to DC Boy about my past (although I did not let on how recently the past events have occurred), and I hit my own moment of clarity in describing the Bermuda Love Triangle … SE reminds me of YKW, not physically or emotionally but rather the fact that the three of us were always together, always a team, and in letting go of YKW, I can’t jump into something with SE because the wounds are still sort of fresh. Once in awhile, I find myself thinking of YKW, and how on his last day of work was the day I decided to take the job in Alexandria. What if I hadn’t told him that I’d accepted the offer that day?
Well, enough of the “what if” game … he was the one who chose to distance himself from me and from the friends he’d made. Frankly, it would be just as easy for me to date someone in Pittsburgh as in Maryland, because once I get past the fucking Beltway, I don’t mind the additional driving. But I digress. I’ve made enough life decisions recently, and I really liked being with DC Boy and the lack of pressure for anything more than an evening outside of my cardboard-filled apartment. Here’s to hoping for more evenings like that.
I also see an email from CMU Boy in my inbox. How exciting! Looking forward to meeting at the Melissa Etheridge concert in the ‘Burgh next month.
F/OM emailed me … that was pleasant, to see such a quick response to the email I sent yesterday. Oh, how I wish I could’ve taken him with me as I ran screaming from Two Strikes. I wish all the best for F/OM, I really do. It would have been nice to keep working with him, but it got to a point where working with him was one of my few reasons to stay at The Wasteland. I’ve mentioned that we should go into business with a few of our associates like Emily and Lori, and he loved the idea. Well, at any rate, Lab Rat and I (and maybe 420 Boy) will get our own business up and running, and F/OM would be the first person I called for accounting assistance. So many dreams I have … and it may take forever, but I’d love to see them all come true.
I have so many wonderful people in my life, and I am grateful for every one of them. I just wish I could hold them all close to me forever.
“I wish for a place
Where the earth doesn’t shake
And if the world can’t be still
Then I will
Can you tell me if I’m near
To anywhere but here.”
— Lisa Loeb, “I Wish” (from the “Anywhere But Here” soundtrack) —