Caterwauling

Bleah.

Nothing to report. Stories aren’t done; had lunch with the exec today; no responses to personal ad. Bleah. Attempted to dazzle exec with wit and insight; probably succeeded in offending or annoying him. My meeting with the CFO last week went much more beautifully, although the exec did perk up when I said I’d love to learn more about the Foundation because I’m certain there’s money out there for it. I also gave some website tips and suggested an non-public website and as some of the content it would need. I know that’s his pet project, so he was probably offended that I have a million and one suggestions for it. But then again, this isn’t HRP … maybe this exec actually wants to hear what the association can be doing better! Time will tell.

Ennui.

My ass hurts. And I want to go home.

I like my job, but I think what I like about it is that I can pretty much perform it on autopilot. It’s nights like tonight, when I have to pull together the interviews and make a coherent story out of them, that I get stressed. Hell, I’d rather be at the gym! Crikey!!! (p.s., had a good hour at the gym last nite, although I almost fell off the treadmill. I lose my bearings way too easily!)

I keep seeing RK online. And yet I refrain from acknowledging him. Today I found myself really thinking about him. It’s been a month since our date, so any man who lets that much time go by HAS to not be interested, right? But guys work so painfully slowly … it could be sometime next year before he gets off his ass and realizes the wonderful relationship he missed out on! 😉

Got to thinking about “Stop Getting Dumped” . Lisa Daily made a brilliant statement that affirmed me: she said that eventually, if you’ve played the game correctly, you become “the one who got away” to him, and you’re the one he will remember fondly.

And while that statement charmed me to death, it kinda got me to thinking. Sure, that’s sweet, to be somebody’s wet dream, but it’s so sad how we let really good people walk away from us sometimes. I don’t have those regrets … I try like hell to “keep” the good ones, but the guys I’ve dated haven’t been so smart (obviously, ‘cuz I’m not with them now!). I know of at least three men who would take me back in a heartbeat, and I suspect two or three more who are too proud to admit that they made a mistake in watching me walk away — if they’ve even realized it yet. Will RK become one of them?

And why do I keep thinking about him? Damn it, I need somebody good to answer my personal ad!!! Perhaps I should remove my photos?

Yawn.

It’s 4 a.m. Just ever so slightly stressed about work. One thing I am finding is that my interviews all seem to roll in at the last minute; thus I have to scramble to chat with folks and throw all the info together in a heartbeat. It’s fun, and I love the pressure, but I see a few draining days ahead of me. And, after six weeks on the job, I have to waste time for the next two days on an orientation and on a welcome lunch. This comes at the WORST possible time, and it means I must reschedule an interview I’ve been trying for days to get. Not that the person is famous and important, mind you, but people’s schedules are busy and chatting with a pseudo-reporter is perhaps the least of their concerns.

I see the Blackbaud philanthropy conference is happening again this October. I sent the link to our CFO, who seems to adore me, to say it’s a great conference and maybe they might want to send someone. That was a big ole hint, but I disguised it well. I’d love to go again.

Dreamed of Brat last night, speaking of the conference in South Carolina. I realize now that his eyes are burned into my soul. Another one who got away … what is it about me that I manage to scare the hell out of the good guys yet can’t get rid of the losers?

My profile on Match.com is updated! For the first time, I ran a search on “my matches.” Thank goodness I don’t have a webcam, because my 100 percent match was … you guessed it … RK. My jaw was on the floor. Not that I doubted the results, because I believe it wholeheartedly, but I was thinking, then, that every time he runs that same search, my profile must pop up in his result list, too. Heh heh.

Going to the gym after work tonight. I snuck in on Sunday night, 15 minutes before they closed. Got a good workout on the exercise bike … I increased the level of difficulty and nearly died right there, but hell, it was a nice way to burn 122 calories! I’m glad I started this workout stuff while I’m young … ’cause without high stamina, I’d never be able to commit to it otherwise.

Haven’t bought cigarettes in close to six weeks. Woo hoo!!!

In other news, Charolette says that CTL reversed his resignation and took a demotion from administrator to manager at Two Strikes. Did I start a trend, demoting oneself just to get out of the line of fire? He’s nuts … if you hate a job enough to quit, you aren’t going to love it any more if you choose to stay longer. With me, after three months in my demotion, I was happier than ever but still not happy enough to stay at the job — and I handed in my resignation at the post-self-inflicted-demotion’s three-month mark. Somebody please tell CTL that things will never get better there, OK?

In other news, since somebody isn’t posting their news, I’m going to be an aunt!!! This just means more trips to Pittsburgh in my future than expected. lol. But it’s all good. Maddie is thrilled to have a human cousin on the way!

Self-improvement.

Inspired by hour-and-a-half at gym yesterday, I scrubbed the bathroom and kitchen floors, took out four loads of trash and washed 12 loads of laundry. Also tidied up the living area and moved stuff to new places (i.e., out of the walkway). The living/dining area needs a facelift (420 — your thoughts?), but at this point, making each area livable was the goal. All in all, I rock!

Also updated my personal ad on Match.com (I’m Cavalier103). Must wait 24 hours for new-and-improved version to appear. Meanwhile, visited RK’s supposedly defunct ad … he’s chosen to have it public again. How sweet. It’s supposedly updated, too. Looked at his picture and saw a stranger’s face again. Oh well. I tried … I really thought he was going to turn out to be somebody special. And perhaps he is, but the planets weren’t in alignment or some shit like that. It just sucks when you really decide that you’ve found a non-loser, and he apparently isn’t as wonderful as you would have hoped because he seems to have no problem letting you spend Saturday nights alone. Like I’ve always said with the (few) guys about whom I’ve cared: If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. And if it isn’t … well … NEXT!!!

Intrigued.

So SM gave me this book to read, “Stop Getting Dumped,” by Lisa Daily. It has given her all these brilliant ideas for side businesses we should launch, and while I too am inspired to help others to date, mate and relate, I now realize that I have done EVERYTHING wrong in my dating life.

Essentially, gals, don’t call your men, don’t return their calls, don’t pay for anything, don’t sleep with them for the first month and don’t hesitate to move on when they can’t meet this minimum criteria. Damn. Okay, so no more first-date sex (:::sob:::), which sucks because even if you know there will be no second date, you might as well end the first date with a bang, so to speak, right?!?! lol. But she’s got a point when she says that the potential good guy might think that you do this with everyone (::slapping self on head:: … could this be why RK has, for all his talk of being annoyed that girls don’t always give him a second date, hasn’t exactly contacted ME for a second date? Even though he still IMs about twice a week?!?!).

Anyway, SM and I are plotting this huge self-improvement plan, that includes:

1. Earn allies at work and stun them with our capability, insights and congeniality,

2. Working out, losing weight and getting in shape,

3. Starting some side businesses so that eventually we may work for ourselves (like we say, we’re working for someone else’s dreams right now),

4. Finding and keeping “Mr. Right” and accepting nothing less than the best,

5. Making the most of our time at our current employer, and

6. Loving life. Period.

We each have our individual goals, like subscribing to (and reading) publications that will sharpen our minds and skills, keeping the home (me) or the car (SM) presentable and organized. From improving eating and workout habits to breaking out of negative thinking patterns to turning a profit on things we already enjoy doing, we’re planning to turn the world on its ass.

Her enthusiasm is contagious. Already, 420 Boy, inspired by SM’s encouragement for him to start a decorating business, is starting to formulate a very good game plan for launching his project. He already has a client, a high-profile one in the artistic community, at that, and we’re already chatting about how to get that person to serve as a reference and referral source.

Attention Geeks: 420 is in need of a Website … who wants to volunteer their talents? We’re talking photos, testimonials, etc. … not high-tech stuff (yet, anyway). Perhaps we can work out a trade (i.e., you get a professionally decorated room in exchange for your time)? Whaddaya think? Comments, please!!!

Well kids, off to the gym for the very first time!!!

Friday Five

As I have nothing else exciting to report, I’m gonna give incorporating the Friday Five into my weekly blog-routine. Here goes nothin’:

1. Do you have a car? If so, what kind of car is it? 2002 Pontiac Sunfire, indigo. Named her Samantha Jones, in honor of my favorite “Sex and the City” character.

2. Do you drive very often? Never owned a car until Oct. 18, 2001 (had only previously been in driver’s side of a vehicle four times before that, two of which were to take my test at age 19). So yeah, I do round trips to Pittsburgh, drive to work, find malls, etc. I don’t love to drive down here in NOVA, but I’m getting less afraid of doing it.

3. What’s your dream car? My dream car has always been one that I own. I am so not picky about cars … especially because in the DC metro area, every car on the road is dented or scratched. Poor Samantha Jones has acquired dozens of new dings and scrapes in her month in NOVA, and she’s just pissed at me.

4. Have you ever received a ticket? Nope. Knock on wood, ‘cuz I’ve certainly been pulled over a number of times!!!

5. Have you ever been in an accident? At age 13, I was in a horrible accident with my family (I wasn’t driving, in case you were wondering). Now I have creaking joints and migraines, thanks to that. Yippee. I’m scared shitless of being in another wreck.

Well, that was therapeutic.

Surrounded.

Next Door Neighbor is everywhere!!! Joined a gym today (okay, how many of you just fell over? rofl), and wouldn’t you FUCKING know it, he was there on the f’in treadmill. Oh joy. I’d thought I’d seen his car in the lot, but really, I’m sure there are a ton of white Ford Taurus station wagons in Virginia, right? (okay, his is the only one I’ve seen on the Eastern seaboard, but still. …) I almost ran away from my personal guided tour when I noticed him. Egads. This was at 5 p.m. … I guess I’ll have to work out at 10:15 p.m., when he’s just about ready to be knockin’ on our door!!!

Nausea.

Was chatting with Lab Rat in my room last night when there was a knock at the front door. Crept up to the door, looked out, and lo and behold, it was Next Door Neighbor! At 10:15 p.m. on a Tuesday! Has he no shame? Of course, our TVs and lights were on, so naturally he had to know we were awake. We chose to keep quiet for awhile and not answer the door … two women in an apartment should never open a door to someone they don’t even know at that hour. Ludicrous.

But darn it, since Saturday, I’ve been tiptoeing in and out of the apartment so as not to attract attention. This is just stupid. I should go over and talk to the guy (after I open the door, of course!), but frankly, even if his interest is innocent, I still just don’t want to start something when I am perfectly happy keeping to myself.

Irritation.

It only took four weeks for me to want to sever relations with the new job … hell, it took me longer to get fed up with Two Strikes. This can’t be a good thing.

Spent a.m. attempting to do advance damage control and general mentoring with 420 re: the ways non-profits operate and the general unpleasantness yet necessity of corporate reindeer games. In the p.m., lo and behold, I had to remind myself to apply my two cents of advice when 50 cents’ worth of corporate reindeer poop landed straight on my poufy ‘do.

Summation: Tired of feeling hurt, and this time, it’s personal. ‘Twas bad enough when HRP was always ranting about something job-related, but today’s incident ripped the scab from an old wound or two and ensured that the pain from which I suffer every day on the subconscious level would only sting that much more excruciatingly for every remaining day of my existence. Thanks for the memories.

The catty side of my psyche has at least 100 brilliant retaliatory comments brewing in the old cauldron, but the side that is still camouflaging the burns and scars from my time at Two Strikes is simply scurrying to bandage yet another piece of scorched flesh and load up on bloodbags before the next knife incision occurs.

One day, when I work for myself, days like today will seem alien, inconceivable. May I never become what I hate most; may I never value appearance over personal worth of any employees I may hire. May no one’s spirit be wounded … neither accidentally nor purposely … by any actions or words on my behalf. And may I never, ever shed a tear again over this incident or anything related to it. And may HR kindly quit wearing low-cut, V-neck shirts … as if she thinks her cleavage will draw less attention to her h.r. (tee hee)

Damn.

This blew me away: Ex-Boyfriend Loses Bid to Halt an Abortion. And here I was, thinking that men, especially at that age, hoped and prayed to not be daddies. Who knew? The girl is young and already has a 2-year-old … do we really need another mouth at the trailer park for the public assistance progam to feed?