Caterwauling

Something’s in the air. Not certain if it will be good or bad, but the sixth sense is pulsating, warning me to be ready for something. Either something really wonderful or something really tragic is on the near horizon … here’s to hoping it’s the former. I hope I meet someone fantastic at Nation tonight. Or if not fantastic, at least fuckable, because I’m worth it! The hair is looking good, the makeup’s great, and I’m not paying the phone bill so I can go out and enjoy my life (with any luck, they’ll turn the damn phone off, since it’s $60/month for no long distance and now a screwed-up voice mail). Woo hoo!!!

Going to meet SM and IKEA Boy for drinks at some point tonight, as we don’t actually want to arrive at the club before midnight (ah, the joy of having clubs open till 6 a.m.!). Am debating about whether or not to wander over to Wal-Mart to make a return so I have a couple of bucks in my pocket (had been dreaming for weeks about getting a shirt; Wobin sent me a few bucks and told me to go get it. Miraculously, it was still there last night, but when I got it home and tried it on, I saw that it made my ass look bigger! Gaah!). She just begged me to not use the money for any illegal substances. Hee hee. We’ll see. Drinks and cigarettes will come out of it, no question. And it has been more than two months since I’ve bought a pack of cigarettes. lol. The big city is corrupting me!

BTW — What do ‘yinz’ think of the new page template?

But when has that ever stopped me? lol.

IKEA Boy made my day by showering me with compliments over an article I wrote. That, and he’s really a good boss, and I’m not just saying that to kiss ass because I need a raise. (hee hee) Seriously, though, he really does look out for me and wants me to take care of myself and to enjoy/appreciate what I do.

Oddly, I was absolutely reduced to tears to hear such compliments. F/OM used to compliment me a lot — and believe me, when F/OM felt the need to hand out a compliment, you took it, because he wasn’t overly impressed with the assholes on our staff. But then he’d have Her Royal Pretentiousness usurping his authority and telling us in her ever-so-direct way that we still suck, no matter what we might think. Or, her compliments, rare as they were, were backhanded (i.e., you did that well BUT here’s what I would have done because I’m god and you’re not. …).

I don’t know … I always wait for the other shoe to drop. Can that bitch ever realize the psychosis she inflicted on me in 12 short months? What about those directors (like F/OM) who have been there seven years? If they ever leave, they will go into shock when they realize that public ridicule is not a normal workplace behavior. And frankly, I have reached a point where I don’t even expect to hear “nice job,” because at Two Strikes, it was always followed by drama and crisis … your bubble always burst within an hour or two of starting to feel good about your work.

In my defense, I oftentimes told HRP, “I can give you what you want, or I can give you what you need. I prefer giving you the latter.” Oh, how that woman HATED me!!! She used to say, “Do you think I LIKE dragging you in here to tell you that you do phenomenal work but it doesn’t meet my deadlines?” My retort was the same every time, “Do you think I ENJOY being dragged in here to be told my work is great but it’s late? Would you rather it be substandard but be submitted on time?”

Perhaps the bitch, much as she externally disliked me, appreciated the fact that I could tell her exactly what I was thinking … my defiance was well-mannered and well-structured, so she really couldn’t discipline me except for making me look like a fool in a public forum (her favorite punishment). I kept our dirty laundry private, whereas she waved it like a flag in front of my peers and subordinates … because she knew I had way too much class and restraint to ever challenge my superior publicly. I walked away with my dignity intact. … Well, some of it, anyway. 🙂

Waah, I’m rambling. But my whole point is to note to myself (for the book SM and I wish to write) the importance of releasing your hold on the minutiae in order to gain employee respect and retention. I’m still easing out of panic mode, that I’ll get screamed at, if a project is turned in an hour late, regardless of the quality. I was expected to pat Incoherent Twit on her nappy little head every time she turned in something on time, even though most sentences were missing verbs and, well, points. LOL. It’s nice to be complimented for quality and not hear the usual, “But you turned it in late,” that HRP always managed to sneer, just to ensure that you didn’t skulk out of her office with your head held TOO high. Cunt.

1. Would you say that you’re good at keeping in touch with people?

Um, no. I have dozens of unreturned cards, emails and phone calls. I miss most of these people and hope they are doing well, but my lazy ass never gets around to corresponding.

2. Which communication method do you usually prefer/use: e-mail, telephone, snail mail, blog comments, or meeting in person? Why?

Blog, because I love to rant in the damn thing anyway, so if anyone happens to read it, I’ve inadvertently but pleasantly caught them up on my life. Second favorite is in-person, believe it or not. If I have to go out to eat or go shopping anyway, I might as well have a companion or two, so we can all catch up at once. And it saves the back-and-forth e-mailing and instant messaging. It’s nice to have human friends … some days my only contact with a living, breathing creature is playing with Maddie, usually because as of late, I’m too damn poor to leave the house. But nothin’s better than going out drinking with friends … I love having stories to tell and memories to cherish.

3. Do you have an instant messenger program? How many? Why/why not? How often do you use it?

I use AIM now and it’s not a bad little program. I had AOL for three years and blocked nearly everyone from accessing me. With AIM, I allow about 35 people to IM me, but luckily, there’s an “away” feature, so I can slap that on any damn time I please. I have several conversations per week, ranging from five minutes to an hour. I was seeing a guy when I first moved down here, and what we’d do is leave it on all day and have quick exchanges here and there. But he’s a boy and he’s stupid and I see him online all the time now but we don’t talk … HIS LOSS. Additionally, I just trashed Yahoo! Messenger from my system, because it was just taking up space — I always signed on under “invisible mode” — what point is there to that?

4. Do most of your close friends live nearby or far away?

In a galaxy far, far away, where men have mullets and women have teasing combs, in a planet called Pittsburgh. I’ve got a couple of really good friends here in the Alexandria vicinity, and two friends in Annapolis, but yeah, most are above the Mason-Dixon line.

5. Are you an “out of sight, out of mind” person, or do you believe that “distance makes the heart grow fonder”?

The latter. There are some people I miss terribly, and there are those who pop into my mind occasionally. I guess, overall, I miss people when they’re gone, because let’s face it, did I really take the time to devote myself to these people when I lived four miles away from them? Not really. But we’re mainly talking about friends here. Lovers (or whatever the hell they were) tend to fade from my mind quite nicely until I smell a familiar scent (soap, cologne, flowers, bars … lol) and then the memory rips me backward like a bear massacring a hunter who tiptoes in the vicinity of her cubs. But eventually, their faces will fade away permanently, and I will only remember the way they look in photos, if I happen to have one or two around the house. On the other hand, distance is the most powerful healer … and the biggest memory-eraser next to a bong and a jar of happy tobacco … and it helps you to forgive, and oftentimes forget, everyone’s sins.

My ass itches. I’m still at work (9:45 p.m. EST) and I got rid of the pantyhose several hours ago. Big mistake to lose the hose — my predecessor must’ve had a scorching case of crotch rot, because I am ready to floss with a burlap rope or a USB connector. Argh. Maybe I can find an ice cube to send up there. My work isn’t done but I’m beginning to not CARE because when the ass ain’t happy, Dawn ain’t happy!!! Did Jennifer embed 10 pounds of yeast into this seat? My god, I’m going to go straddle a telephone pole. …

I think, as part of an employee’s health care package, we should receive a budget for X. And for smokey treats, so we can fall asleep afterward. 🙂 And, of course, for the $15 admission to Nation.

“Universe is full of stars

Nothing out there looks the same

You’re the one that I’ve been waiting for

I don’t even know your name

I’m in a trance

I’m in a trance

Cosmic systems intertwine

Astral bodies drip like wine

All of nature ebbs and flows

Comets shoot across the sky

Can’t explain the reasons why

This is how creation goes

I don’t want nobody else

All the others look the same

Galaxies are sliding into view

I don’t even know your name

I’m in a trance

And the word is spinning

Spinning baby out of control

I’m in a trance

I let the music take me

Take me where my heart wants to go

Kiss me

Kiss me

I like to singy singy singy

Like a bird on a wingy wingy wingy

I like to rhumba rhumba rhumba

Dance to a samba samba samba

I’m in a trance

And the world is spinning

Spinning baby out of control

I’m in a trance

I let the music take

Take me where my heart wants to go.”

— Madonna, “Impressive Instant” —

In the last three days I have:

1. Done Nothing

lol … seriously, here it goes. I have:

1. Worked

2. Had Insomnia

3. Heard from my old boss, F/OM

4. Heard from Lori, Emily and Melissa

5. Missed my grandmother (her birthday would be today)

6. Acquired a migraine

7. Arrived at work without wearing makeup

8. Acquired knots in my stomach

9. Began planning to write a book

10. Heard from Leslie and Chris

11. Wished I could be with Leslie and Chris

12. Missed my mom

13. Wanted to kill my shitty kitty Maddie

14. Wiped out three curbs with the car

15. Not had contact with a hetero male

16. Not had contact with a battery-operated device

17. Not gone to the gym

18. Blogged for Maddie and myself

19. Cried

20. Consumed way too much coffee.

Pussy Demure (IKEA Boy’s boss) just deflated my bubble. I had offered yesterday to attend webpage-building classes because the CT website sucks ass, and I showed her the cool things Lab Rat and I did with the Two Strikes site that wasn’t launched. She seemed lost and quasi-impressed (it was forced, but I know she doesn’t understand how very cool it really was), and I made my argument that Dipshit in MIS is too busy jacking off all day to respond to our requests in a timely manner. Further, when he does respond, the result is completely half-assed, and if I could build an attractive site, our Web-savvy members would benefit from it and it would take little time to update, once the thing was set up.

Well, she talked to the Executive Director (who looks like Jackie Chan), who did his usual faggy eye flutter (probably) and shot the idea down. She said he’ll need some more convincing, there’s some chaos right now, yadda yadda bullshit. All I wanted to do was make a positive contribution to this job and maybe, just maybe, earn a couple of extra bucks. (I went home for lunch today and saw some new bills that I know will not be paid in the near future. Argh.) For some bizarre reason, I lost my marbles for a moment after Pussy Demure left my office. This association’s avoidance of mining the talent that lays at their feet, yet keeping the sacred cows sacred, continually astounds me. I volunteered, for cripes’ sake, to do the website. I am told that CT is the No. 1 member benefit with this association … would it kill them to invest a bit in the flagship publication’s webpage?

My feeling is that Pussy Demure probably mentioned it in passing and minimized the importance of it. I know that Jackie Chan is very much interested in making the site snazzy because it’s his project. She has done nothing but annoy me since Day One, and she probably can’t see the bigger picture that I tried to paint, of having all of CT’s activities operated, well, out of CT and by the two people (IKEA Boy and myself) who care about it most.

Oh well. No bother. I’ll live. Exhale. Let it go. She said Jackie Chan would need some convincing, but I’m not going to beg them to let me do more work, uncompensated. If I do eventually attend web-development classes, damn it, I’m doing it for myself so that I can profit from it eventually. Hah.

I love Maddie’s blog. I am just so amused by that right now. Damn feline shit on the same rug in the same spot she soiled two days ago.

I think I’m gonna change the Maddie is Hungry Fund to the Dawn Needs to be Medicated Fund. Whaddaya think?

I will now light MYSELF on fire!!!

Still at work, working on a story that’s gonna give me a nervous condition. I did so many interviews for it, yet I don’t even have enough information, if you can believe that. Another story on which I spent the majority of the day is at 3,500 words (from my target of 1,800) and spiraling — I know I ask my interviewees good questions and therefore provoke good answers, but is there a point when one is too good? lol. SM just brought me a sandwich from Subway for dinner — she so very totally rocks!!!

Today’s sense of deja vu is stronger than ever. Damn it. It’s not a bad thing … I figure that deja vu symbolizes a human’s subconscious acknowledgement and acceptance that the world is turning properly and life is happening exactly as it should be. But it still weirds me out that I feel like I’ve lived this day before. 🙂

In Pittsburgh, I used to have a few numbers I could call when I needed a booty call. Damn it, I don’t know anybody down here yet whom I can call in the Alexandria, VA, or the D.C. area for such ‘services’!!! Is there anybody out there who can help me?!?! I’m going into crisis mode here!!!