So I am stuck in Alexandria for Christmas this year. What joy. It’s not so bad, but I have no food in the house and, well, I hate being immobile because of inclement weather (meanwhile, Mom’s got a turkey and a ham sitting in HER fridge). I can deal with our sleet/snow/rain mix, but I’ve been tracking my usual route to Pennsylvania, and it looks kinda ugly. As soon as I saw the word “ice” on all my usual roads, well, forget it. I’m stayin’ put for another day. But come tomorrow, I’ll head up there. I am sure if I were a better driver — and had anything OTHER than a sports car — I’d be fine on the roads, but I’m a nervous Nelly and, well, Samantha goes airborne pretty easily.
Everyone down here is all happy and festive because they don’t usually see a White Christmas. Fuck that shit. I am kind of bitter because, if I’d left before the storm hit yesterday, I’d be with my family right now. I guess I just wanted to celebrate Christmas Eve in my new city, but IKEA Boy is depressed and didn’t want to do anything last night. So, I was disappointed but I figured I’d salvage my situation by going out alone. But the snow was kinda nasty and I didn’t want to traipse around D.C. (I’d wanted to see the National Tree) when I can’t even maneuver the city in the daylight, in perfect weather conditions.
I miss Shan, but she’ll be arriving here just as I’m leaving, so we won’t cross paths. I have plans to see Leslie on Thursday, but I might switch that to Friday, so I can see the Manson Family on Thursday instead (as Mom postponed Xmas dinner till I can get up there). Everyone is snug in their homes, celebrating their holidays together. But I never WAS one who appreciated tradition. I figure, I’ve got the whole next week off from work — that’s plenty of time I can spend with my family. That, and I love having the house to myself. Maddie and I slept in front of the tree (and she barfed up the needles that I didn’t notice her eating, so I have to clean that up when I’m done blogging), which was always our Xmas eve tradition anyway (including cleaning up her festive Xmas barf). lol.
I was going to clean/redecorate the bathroom, but I’ll do that when I return from Pittsburgh. Normally, I insist on coming back to a sparkling apartment, but well, as long as the sink is free of dishes, that’s all I need this holiday. The dirt will still be there to welcome me with open arms, like it always does. 😉
When I come back, I intend to get my business license and I also intend to surf the job postings. I am sick of living on nothing, and until I live in a society where personal and cleaning products are free of cost, well, I’m always going to be spending my extra money on such incidentals. That, and I received more overdue bills than Xmas cards, and well, it’s depressing. And this is the last Xmas that I am going to feel this awful. I wrote in Shan’s Xmas card that 2003 is going to be our year, and I meant it.
I know most people celebrate this holiday for its religious aspects, but I am celebrating is as an end to what has been a shitty fucking year. My grandfather is getting religious on us, though, and started talking about praying and the bible last night. I think my holy-roller uncle has gotten to him. And I refuse to debate religion on this holiest-of-days, but I am more of a believer in the fact that we have to make our own miracles, because the deities are too darned busy to worry about our individual checkbook balances.
In strange news, I got a response to one of my personal ads, and well, it wasn’t a man who answered it. Is this a sign? She seems really nice. I wasn’t gender-specific in my ad — I only said I’m in search of adventure and happiness and someone to ride the roller coaster called life with me. I’ve learned over the years to not turn down someone who seems to care — perhaps now I should practice what I’ve been preaching. 🙂 We’ll see.
I sent the last of my Xmas cards out last night, and one was to MV. I’m sure it will be returned to me, as the address is an old one, but that’s fine. At least I’ll know. True to form, I remembered our Xmas eve together (was it 1996?), and I extracted the lesson that I learned from that time. I learned — the hard way — that telling someone how special they are to you is vital. You can’t sit around and wait to decide whether they’re special, and once you figure it out, you need to show it. Immediately. And say it as well. A major lesson in my life from that time and place was to not assume that people know what you’re thinking and feeling. Oftentimes, they don’t, and they are guessing and sometimes guessing wrong. And that is why today, I make sure that the people in my life know that they mean the world to me. I say it, show it, live it. People in my life always know where they stand with me, and I encourage them to ask, when I’m not clear enough.
As for the men in my life, I was happily pleased with both RK and Brat yesterday. Heard from both, and it was pleasant all around. And come what may in my entanglements with both of them, it made me glad to know that I was someone whom both were remembering fondly during this holiday season. And even if they both remain in my past, well, that’s OK too. But I am grateful for the time — however brief and/or complicated it was — I was able to have with them.
A lot of other people are on my mind today as well. I want to send lots of love out to Minnesota, to Chris and Shawn. They are spending their first Xmas together, in their new house, and trying to make a nice holiday for themselves. This is an emotional time for both of them, for varying reasons, and I wish I could be there to give them both a hug. Hopefully I’ll be able to see them during the new year, and Leslie will be coming back from Ireland for our reunion at their wedding celebration, and it will be wonderful to have the gang together. I am grateful every day for e-mail, because we’re almost as close as we always were, and I am the luckiest girl on earth to have friends like them.
There are so many others I can mention here, but I’m probably hitting my character limit, so I just want to wish them all the luck and love in the world. And until we can all have *real* in-person hugs, let me just send a virtual one to all of them now. 🙂 Merry Christmas, Happy Haunukkah, Happy New Year, etc. etc. To friendship, to love, to companionship. I am a better person today for knowing each and every one of you. 🙂