Caterwauling

I was in touch with Michele about her son D.J.’s bullying problems, and another reader even contacted me for the Parents Guide to Resolving Bullying Issues. I was very surprised and pleased to see that some resolution might have come to D.J.’s situation. I was also floored and ecstatic about her link to Ribbon of Promise. Thanks Michele! Here’s to hoping that more kids can come forward about their bullying issues and stop fearing the bully and, even, as in D.J.’s case, possibly finding a way to befriend the troublemaker and work it to his advantage. I’m so proud of him! 🙂

I’ve recently gotten a snowstorm of responses to my personal ad. My womanly sarcasm wants to ooze right now, as I think Gee, the holidays are over, so they don’t have to buy me a present. How sweet. One would’ve thought that they would’ve wanted to meet someone BEFORE the holidays, so as not to spend another one alone. But that’s just my humble opinion. 🙂

But what continues to astound me is how far these people are AWAY from the parameters I’ve set. Yes, I set preferred demographic and geographic information for a reason. Granted, I don’t care if they’re a year or two older or younger or an inch or two shorter or taller than my established preferences — information like that is a bitch to enter because that isn’t the stuff that matters. But it’s all about interests. Sure, I am so very flattered that they are interested in me (until they have one date with me and then disappear into that gentle good night — ::cough cough, RK, cough cough::), and some of them seem pretty sweet. But there are certain interests that I have as well, and there’s got to be some sort of either common bond or mutual attraction, or shit’s not gonna work out, even from the beginning. Oh, I could make myself sound like the true Pittsburgh redneck that I was reared to be, especially now that I live in such a *diverse* area and I’m looking to not add that much diversity to the mix. At any rate, I am entitled to look for someone who would make me happy, inside and out, just like them.

But even on a basic interests level, if you write to me that you want someone to go camping with, skip to the next personal ad. Please. Otherwise, be prepared to go with your buddies. Camping, to me, is renting a cozy cabin in the middle of nowhere with a wood-burning fireplace and a hot tub. And while I don’t often use my curling iron anymore, let there be electrical sockets just in case I feel like being poufy. And skiing — again, I see a cozy chalet somewhere with hot chocolate and a lounge full of hot ski instructors. I can barely walk in tennis shoes — don’t make me embarrass myself in a pair of skis. Because there will be bleeding and Ace bandages involved. Trust me. I admire those hobbies and encourage you to do them with your friends, but don’t be surprised when you ask me to “rough it,” I might end up saying “fuck it.” I might swear like a sailor in heat, but the rest of me is all girl.

That’s not to say that I’m not up for adventure. I am. But when it comes to meeting someone on paper (or on-screen), well, I give minimum criteria. At least TRY to meet the few things I want, which are charisma, wit, intelligence and class. When they fail to meet the “intelligence” part (especially when they’re responding from several states away! Gaaah!), they strike out before they even hear me say hello.

In interesting news, I will be meeting one of my faithful blog readers for the first time this coming Sunday. 🙂 You know who you are. While it frightens me that people actually read this stuff, to have someone actually not write me off as completely schizo after reading this page is an interesting concept. 🙂

I found out late today that J-Ho is meeting with Kumquat regarding the annual report she’s doing (that I could do better) as well as my humble publication. This does not thrill me. She was my predecessor, for those just tuning in. One of my fears was that they’d call her in to take over IKEA Boy’s job and leave me in my peon position. While I truly can’t envision why she’d WANT to return to the Veggie Patch, well, I could always be hopeful and think that maybe they’d like to see us collaborate on PR and publication stuff. But then again, I always was a dreamer. …

Well, I can’t imagine anything that’s better than cheese, but I’m referring to that hideous little nightmare called “Who Moved My Cheese,” that HRP made us read, live and breathe at Two Strikes. I’m a scurrier — yes, I agree with that — and she argued that I’m part hem, which, given her miserable, obstinate ass, she has a fat lot of room to talk. Hah.

At any rate, Shan is into this “One Minute Millionaire” book big-time, and she asked me to take their quiz about my place on the Dream Team that we want to create. I’m a hare, and I sound so damn nifty:

Your Answers Indicate A Hare Role

APPROACH: Conceptual/Spontaneous

DESCRIPTION: The Hare generates the concepts and ideas. They like to reframe the problem and look for solutions that may be unusual, unique,and/or outside the boundaries of traditional thought. Hares are good at exploring alternatives and perceiving the “big picture.”

Hares want freedom from constraint, and when a rule exists they may break it. They may act impulsively, letting their feelings guide them. They derive satisfaction from the process of creating,discussing concepts and ideas,and overcoming obstacles.

When everything is in its place, the Hare may become restless,get impatient,and have a tendency to move from one subject to another.

CONTRIBUTION: Fresh,original concepts that go beyond the obvious, and are not constrained by fear of failure.

WEAKNESESS: Because the Hare enjoys generating ideas, they may move from one idea to another without stopping to evaluate the consequences.

If left alone to refine concepts, they will solve the problem within the problem within the problem, and eventually lose sight of the objective.

INSTINCT: Reframing problems to achieve breakthrough solutions,moving in new directions, examining possibilities without regard to risk.

Shan’s a hare, too. Whatta shocker. 🙂 Hell, I’d rather be the hare than be the green animal in its shell, lying flat on its back, waiting for its next dose of Prozac. Like everyone else in this damn office. … At any rate, I’m ready to make the million that this book promises that I can!!!

She puts her pack of Marlboro Ultra Lights where her mouse is supposed to be, and is moving the pack around, wondering why she can’t click on her Toolbar Favorites. Sheesh. I’m lucky I managed to shave my legs without any major casualties, given this sleepy state.

Demure is gonna kick my ass, but I still don’t have her stupid layout done. She tried flying into my office after COB yesterday — I’d locked the door, in anticipation. She fretted because she’s meeting with Kumquat today at 10 and I still haven’t complied with their outrageous request. She asked if any submissions had come in, and I said of course not — like I’d told her, that stuff comes in at 5 p.m. on Thursday. I correct myself that I have an uphill battle — it’s more like mucking through a swamp on a skateboard. 🙂 Long, long day ahead. …