Caterwauling

1. Mouth Almighty (at work) is going down. And I hope I get to hold her down while Shan beats her ass to a bloody pulp. I hope she kicks the shit out of Town Crier while she’s at it. Those two are the Duo of Evil, and they must be destroyed for their meddling in a sensitive situation.

2. Had a nice dinner with Shan and great bitching session with Shawn. Missed “American Idol” but it was worth it.

3. I regret going stalking today, because there I go again, chasing after a man. Fuck it. He comes to me, or nobody comes! 😉

4. Why Pussy Demure insisted on meeting with me today, and then insisted that we meet again tomorrow, is beyond me. I am sick of her fucking micro-, non-management. Fuck everyone at that stupid workplace who has to scramble to justify their jobs, while keeping the rest of us from DOING our jobs!

After relentless Dogpiling, I finally found an address for my Candy Bar Man. And I used my lunch break to go stalking. 😉

Turns out that he lives like two blocks from Shawn, so I might have to be a more regular visitor to the neighborhood, if this is indeed the right address. 😉 Damn, the place is outta my price range, so the guy must be, too, right? Heh. One wouldn’t peg him as really having any money (minus the very nice car he drives).

At any rate, money doesn’t scare me — I’ve got a tiny bit of my own and that’s the only person’s money I ever intend to handle. I’ve been poor and hobnobbed with Pittsburgh’s most elite, without any of them ever having a clue how destitute I always was, so that’s no problem. Hmm. At any rate, I’m more concerned about the personality. We seem to click in the brief conversations we have, but I’d love to get to know him in a setting where we aren’t terrified and frustrated — shit, attending dance class is like sleeping with someone for the first time! It’s all awkward and tense and disastrously funny at the same time.

I’ve been wanting to move to the Duke Street area (after abandoning the idea of going to Arlington — I refuse to sit in I-395 traffic to commute to work!), so maybe this is my impetus to localize my apartment search a bit more. Tee hee. I feel like such a stalker — and here I’d thought I was out of practice after all these years!

At any rate, I need to figure out a way to bump into him in public (without stalking him to see where he loafs or shops!). Any suggestions?

Got through the third class with no casualties. 🙂 I really dreaded it, but honestly, the people are so nice and so fun that I can pretty much ignore the disapproving gaze of the instructor. And I got to dance with Mike, who looked dashing in an eggplant-colored sweater that brought out his eyes, so alas, the evening wasn’t half bad. And I finally got to dance with Dave … twice, even!

Never, ever underestimate the importance of a good partner who can lead. Debonair Gary may irritate the fuck out of me, but boyfriend can lead. He will literally push me into the steps when I stop paying attention, and I need that. Dave is a great lead — whether he believes it or not, white boy has some rhythm on the dance floor. I was encouraging my partners to follow his lead, only for me to later overhear those guys telling their partners to just watch Dave and whoever his partner was at the time. I had to smile. 🙂

Mike and I share a sense of nerves and impatience. We breezed through the steps so quickly that we feel like we did something wrong, but then we came to the conclusion that we did just fine … we just forgot to pause and step, in favor of just stepping through the routines. Made me happy, anyway, to find somebody who moves at warp speed like I do. 😉

Dave swears he sees Mike checking me out once in awhile, but Operation: Get the Digits is still in progress. At least I now have a reason to come back for the next three classes — I need to get the boy’s number!

I checked out the dance class’s roster — turns out that Mike bears the last name of a candy bar. Hee hee. Oh, the sexual slurs I could make at this point, but I will digress before I indulge that temptation. Mmmm. Chocolate. *drool*

I was dancing with this little dipshit who kept criticizing me and telling me that I was fucking up the steps. I wanted to club him, because he did it to me last week as well. If I recall correctly, I was the one leading him through the steps, but again, I digress. Finally he admitted that he’s not doing much leading, which was about the biggest admission I’ll ever get from him. I dutifully claimed that I didn’t know what I was doing, but at that point, I really did have the steps down pat, so I figured I could afford to be humble. He’s a little guy with Big Man Syndrome, and I’ll never see him again after May 26 anyway — thankfully. I swear I have a torn ligament from this debacle. 🙂

I enjoy the people in the class and hope to get to know them a little better next week. Goofy Gary (formerly Onion-Breath Boy) makes no claims to know what the fuck he’s doing, despite the fact that his Stephanie is the star of the class. They’re sweet and a lot of fun to chat with, even though we only talk for 30 seconds at a time. 🙂

I’ve decided that I need a more uptempo dance routine. I don’t slow dance. I never have, and this will probably be the only time I do so. And she keeps playing the same annoying song every week. Gaah! Let’s get a little “Impressive Instant” (Madonna) going, shall we? X for everybody! 😉

At any rate, I guess I’ll go back next week. I have become addicted to Dave’s and my post-workout coffee-and-donut breaks. And everyone join me in wishing Dave all the best in his big trial on Wednesday! Can’t wait to hear the details!

UPDATE

You’d think that a boy with a candy bar for a last name would be easy to Google or Dogpile. Oh, but no. I searched for hours, and all I got was a phone number that might or might not be his. He seems pretty bright, so I thought he might have a blog or something. But I hit the MetroBlog Map and ran a few more searches, but to no avail. I swear, I was a better stalker *before* the Internet went public! 😉

Thanks to Steve for submitting this one:

Simon Cowell Soundboard!!!

That song keeps running through my head today. We’re back to dressing up for work (we had a casual month last month), which means pantyhose which just means I am uber-annoyed already. 🙂

No signs of our villian Pussy Demure, which is wonderful but that means I will have to deal with her full-force when she does come back into the office.

I am swamped, but it’s a good kind of swamped. It just sucks that I have to write three to four articles in addition to being swamped with my general editorial responsibilities. Writing is fun, but it’s the most time-consuming part of the job. Not to mention that I just wrote two job descriptions (my own and one for the person I will eventually hire), I’m doing a year-long calendar of what should go into the Veggie Patch Gazette each month (Demure’s request — normally I just look at a year-old issue and figure out what should go in, but dipshit wants it written out till the end of time). I’m also deciding — because we have hit editorial and advertising gold with special-themed issues — what issues I want to cover and when.

Demure keeps bugging me for what’s going in this issue, but who the fuck has had time to decide? Plus, last month I promised seven stories and only wrote three (whopping) ones, so it’s sort of pointless to do the same — she makes me commit to all these topics, yet even she knows that I can’t do it all myself. I have my freelancer overloaded for the next three months. I attempted to give her two stories a month for the past couple of months, but even she’s busy and can only crank out one at a time, so I have her doing this fluffy ass-wiping series through the summer that King Kumquat, chief executive extraordinaire, commissioned.

I asked Demure about changing what we pay freelancers (they make more per story that I ever will!) so that I can either have more money to play with in my budget or to hire more freelancers who will work at a lower rate than the main writer we use. Her head almost exploded — she can’t handle good, solid ideas that are easy to implement. She needs to think about it and run it by Kumquat (I fear she runs it by him every time she needs to use the ladies’ room), which means I’ll never get an answer.

I also must kick myself in the ass — I told her I wanted to create a policies and procedures manual for my department (the existing one is a joke). So now she’s breathing up my ass, wondering when I’ll have it done. (Note: Haven’t started it yet, nor do I plan to until I hire someone.) I swear, she has nothing better to do than to harass me. Even she admits that her own secretary is useless, but never will I be allowed to farm some of my shit work onto her, which just sucks ass.

I guess I’m just tired of working for and with people who are on an eight-hour lunch break. Especially after my class this weekend, I realize that I’d like to join the ranks of the “joyfully jobless” so that I don’t have to look at this ship of sad sacks every day as we cruise around Club Medicated.

Dance class is tonight. Sadly, I am not looking forward to it. It’s not fun. I try to have fun … I try to enjoy it, probably because I already paid for it. LOL. But everyone’s so serious, so uptight that I just don’t fit in. I would love to get together with the class and have a beer with everyone — something tells me that these are really cool people underneath (and yes, I’d like to get underneath Mike’s clothes! Ahem.) because they were spunky enough to sign up for this crazy class.

What they need to do is turn down the lights, have the disco ball flashing and, hell, maybe even host it in a nightclub — or at least, they should simulate the nightclub environment. And let’s face it, if we came with a partner, we should stay with that partner. I will not be dancing ever again with Debonair Gary, so why the hell do I need to dance with him now? I understand that some singles come in to meet other singles, and the law of nature usually works out that there are unmatched people who can be matched up. Granted, without the pollyanna partner-switching crap, I’d never have met the guys in my class, but really, that’s OK. I could have lived without it, ’cause I will probably never see them after our last class anyway.

At any rate, my last class is the day after my birthday. w00t! Now to just make it the four weeks until then without going crazy. …

Not only am I rotting in hell, but I’m a whore to boot. Is this why my Karma (or car-ma, as my loving Intrigued Reader pointed out) is kicking me in the ass?

take the virgin-whore dichotomy quiz.

and go to mewing.net. where we’re all studs.

To my buddies Shawn and Chris on their recent exchanging of wedding vows in scenic New Orleans late last month!!! Aren’t they cute?

My body is screaming, “You’re exhausted! Take a nap!” but my mind is charged.

Had the best classes today with Barbara J. Winter, Shan’s hero and my new favorite author and instructor. Will write more later, but had fun learning about starting businesses and becoming an expert. Turns out that Barbara and crew asked ME to comment as an expert on endearing oneself to journalists as well as for ways to get letters to the editor printed. Wow! Who could have asked for more? Perhaps I really am an expert at something more than just ranting!!!

I always leave work when I’m this tired, but I never feel so excited, that tomorrow will be full of possibilities. I feel that way right now, and that’s the way every day should feel — I should always walk out with a sense of accomplishment and excitement for all the many things that I can and will do. Soon, my friends, life will turn out that way. Just not this weekend!

I leave you with some classic Barbara inspiration from my 42 pages of notes:

“People who have given up their dreams are adamantly against those who haven’t.” (i.e., your employer doesn’t want you to have dreams, because if they’re stuck in corporate hell, why should they care about what you want?)

“The enemy of success is not failure … it’s inertia.”

So the corporate toilet otherwise known as MCI just informed me that they took another $156 from my bank account. Why, I ask you, why? Service has been gone for more than three months — they already rocked me for my final balance two months ago and took it out again last month. Fuckers! I need to change my bank account number. Thanks for raping the pitifully poor civilian, you corporate hairballs!!!

Couldn’t even enjoy my long-awaited bath after I got that fucking e-mail from them. Assholes!!!

I’ve got a hot date tonight … with the bathroom.

No, I’m not full of shit (although that point can probably be argued!), but I am cleaning it top to bottom. Rugs are already in the washer, and I’ve nuked the room with scrubbing bubbles. Now to get a gas mask (I wish!) and rubber gloves (more manageable) and I’m all set!

When I was scrubbing my car the other day, I realized how therapeutic it is for me to clean. (With the exception of my room, but at least that has a door I can close to hide that mess.) Something about not wanting to hover above one’s own toilet is a comforting concept. 🙂

At any rate, once I deplete and replenish the hot water supply, I am parking my ass in the tub for a hot bath. That alone makes this two-hour process worth it!

Another pathetic evening without a *real* date. 😉