Caterwauling

I can’t concentrate on anything. Slept all of one hour, if that. Lolled around in bed till 8:36 a.m. — I was wide awake but absolutely uninterested in putting my feet on the floor. Seems to be a recurrent theme in my life, actually — dreaming in favor of doing.

Started off my day more healthily than usual. Didn’t even smoke (although I had a few at 4 a.m.). Maybe I’ll even try to get to the gym this week, although putting on workout clothes is an effort in and of itself, and a depressing one at that. 😉

Update

Stayed fairly Atkins-friendly today — ended up with a Southwestern Caesar salad from McWendy’s for lunch. Dinner is going to be an obstacle, but am thinking of sleeping through it. Actually managed to drink the 64 oz. of water that we’re supposed to ingest each day, but am thinking of substituting vodka for the remainder of the night. No carbs!

Will try to give up smoking (again!) after the summer is over. I’m not giving up sweets AND my Camel Lights. But once Shawn gets his membership to the Fitness Club From Hell, I may have to cut down — those two steep flights of steps to get up to the workout floor are a killer. For now, I’m just running the steps at work, parking farther from the entrance than normal and am running upstairs to go to the bathroom instead of going down the hall. Besides, I have to pass by the offices of people I completely loathe if I stay on my floor, so I rather like running upstairs out of harm’s way — it’s like the Bermuda fucking triangle, trying to run past the offices of my vicious floormates. Consider it exercise if you must — I call it peace of mind.

By giving up sweets, I will also be missing out on a summer full of threesomes — with my good buds Ben and Jerry. But maybe I should just give up men in general, while I’m at it — lord knows they’ve done nothing but cause me grief these past few weeks (months, years, decade, etc.)! 🙂

Insomnia has struck. And this song keeps running through my head. And this song.

I’m cold, I’m hot, I’m obsessing about all that I’m not. And I’m watching “Pretty in Pink,” which is just depressing the wits out of me. I wish I could just call in sick tomorrow — I just want to pull the covers over my head and not come out till I’m good and ready. But that might not be until next year. 😉 I want to write poetry again; I haven’t been inspired in so long. But what will inspire me? I want to paint, to create, to mold, to shape. But for once in my life, I’d like to not give up or break whatever it is that I’ve made.

I swear my clock is mocking me. It knows that I won’t hear it go off in a few hours. I sleep best in the mid-morning hours, but my work schedule doesn’t permit that. Perhaps a drink is in order. Or Nyquil. Or suffocation by pillow. 🙂 Such irony that my name means daybreak, but I’m really a night owl.

“Day breaking on the boulevard

Feel the sun warming up your secondhand heart

Light swimming right across your face

And you think

Maybe someday

Yeah, maybe someday.”

I’m blogging offline again. No sense sharing this nonsense with my readers. Hope y’all are sleeping well tonight — ’cause I’m thinking of just giving up and getting some sleep tomorrow night instead.