Caterwauling

1. What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do, but never have?

Fall in love. New subject. 🙂

2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?

Mostly. I won’t say “Sweet Jesus, where’s the Wide Load sign?” — but I will suggest that perhaps a different cut or color or length would be more flattering, when talking about clothes. Hair is a sensitive subject for me, so I go to great lengths to avoid talking about it. And I rarely ask for feedback on my own appearance.

3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn’t? What happened?

Yes, but no. Whenever I find out something disturbing or that could be construed as TMI, I have to deal with it myself (i.e., if someone is drinking too much or doing drugs or being self-destructive or abusive toward someone), I just have to face my own experiences, memories, prejudices, whatever before I can truly be a strong shoulder for that friend. And no matter what, everybody needs someone who can listen to them without judging them.

I’ve had experience chatting with folks who are interested in the same person I was interested in, and it hurt like hell on the occasions when I was at the far end of the triangle. But I’ve got this incredible ability to spring back and help my friends, even at the expense of my own feelings. In one situation, I was told, “My god, you’re resilient.” This was coming from the guy I was interested in who wanted one of my friends (how dare he! hee hee). Don’t get me wrong, I was aching inside, but I didn’t show him that. And I did get over it, because it obviously wasn’t meant to be because we haven’t spoken in years, but not because of that. Our friendship did grow stronger after all the revelations, which was probably as much of a benefit of having him as something more.

I did give up on a friend a few years back who was self-destructing and hurting people in her path. I stuck around for a long time, trying to listen, to reason with her. But to no avail. She became a complete drain on my capacity to love someone unconditionally, because every conversation revolved around her. I could be bleeding from the head, but her problems were always more important. So I quit answering the phone when she called. She finally got the hint and found other people to dump on.

On the flip side, just as that situation was ending, I was entering a time when I had to make the hardest decision of my life. And I lost some friends because of this decision I made that they didn’t agree with. But that’s OK … obviously they weren’t good friends to begin with, and I don’t need people who can’t love me, no matter what I do.

4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?

I am the heroine of my own tragic romance novels, I swear. That’s part of why I started writing books — I enjoyed reading all kinds of literature, but I didn’t see any genres really, truly aimed at me. So I created my own. I suppose I am the main character, and although the book life is not the life I’d necesarily pick for myself, it has made for some interesting fantasies in my mind as I try to lay down the plotline. The bottom line is, writing these stories is like self-medication — I draw on my own experiences and write them the way I wish they could have happened.

5. What’s one talent/skill you don’t have but always wanted?

I want to be able to sing or play bass guitar. Or both. I don’t know — music is the touchstone of my life, next to writing. In fact, all of my books revolve around the music industry (I’ve always wanted to be a music publicist), and my chapters oftentimes begin with song lyrics. At one point, I was feeling ambitious and wrote dozens of my own songs (ages 10-16), and maybe three of them are actually decent “power ballads” that reflected my love of glam metal ballads at the time. 😉

I am more than happy ingesting no more than 20 carbs a day, but a nasty, temporary side effect is a dull headache and *blah* feeling. Last time I did this eating plan, the headache went away within 10 days … but in 10 days, I will leave diet hell and enter PMS hell, so I will be evil for the rest of the month. Stay back at least 10 feet and you won’t get hurt! 😉

I’m playing hooky today, not that I’ve managed to get any real work done this week. I was an emotional trainwreck, for some strange reason, but today I feel good. I took NyQuil and finally got to sleep at about 2 a.m. Perhaps my insomnia was caused not only by my overactive mind, but also by the heat. I need to sleep with a blanket, no matter whether my room feels like it was plopped in the middle of the Sahara. And if the blanket isn’t covering my shoulders, feet and ears, I don’t feel right. I’ve been too cheap to turn on the A/C, but perhaps I may have to reconsider my stance on the cost of comfort. And soon!

I still haven’t gotten to the gym, but Shawn is indeed threatening that he will drag me kicking and screaming to the fitness club, whether I want to go or not. And I know I’ll feel better once I go. I thought I would go this morning, but I (deservedly) slept late and need to start getting ready to go do some volunteer work this afternoon.

Mad props to Tiff for putting up the first of several pages for Ribbon of Promise’s D.C. Chapter, just in time for today’s volunteer activities. Shan and John and I are going to be in Perrysville, Md., talking to parent groups about working to prevent school violence. My joke is that I’ll do ANYTHING to take a day off of work, but it will be good to meet these parents and educators, who want to start an ROP chapter in their neighborhood. I’m kind of excited … it’s amazing to do work that makes a difference, and despite the fact that I have to wear a suit on my day off, I’m looking forward to helping kids to have a better school experience than I did.

Speaking of fulfilling vocations, I’ve really been giving a lot of thought to my book series — the one I started writing when I was 14. It’s been 15 years, and I’m closer to being ready to write the books, but time and a crappy computer seem to be getting in my way. And although I’ve been pretty set on my character names for ages, the problem with such a lapse of time is that I have now met people with the names I had chosen, and I no longer like the names because the people’s faces come into my head when I write. And I hate that. It’s like the old joke that, if you wait too long to have children, you don’t know what to name them because every name you come up with belongs to someone you can’t stand. 🙂 I mean, shit, I am thinking about changing the central character’s name, if you can believe that! She holds the entire plot together, throughout the six-book series, and I can’t even speak her name right now without experiencing a slight rise in blood pressure. No wonder I haven’t made any notes on the series in ages!

News on the dating front: cloudy. I got a message from someone on Friendster that I haven’t responded to. It’s from a 21-year-old married male. I should take these young guys while I still can … I had a “Sex and the City” moment recently, when I realized that I am now at the age where guys my age are looking for younger women. I’ve read studies on how men over 30 are starting to think about having kids, so they want women who are in their early- to mid-20s because they are in their childbearing prime and are young enough to almost guarantee that they will have more than one child. Funny, most of the people I’ve dated hated the idea of having kids, but maybe they just specifically didn’t want a psychotic Little Dawn running around. 🙂 At any rate, my own dream is to have one or two before I turn 34, but a la SATC, I will probably be hanging around with my friends, single and chatting over croissants about our unstable love lives. 🙂 Which should make for a good five years’ worth of blogging, if nothing else! 😉