Caterwauling

“Alex & Emma” was fabulous. I loved every minute of it.

Broke down and bought the new memory card for my camera. I’m glad I did it, even though we all know I’m going to find the lost one now that I’ve taken the card out of the package. 🙂

I realized that the place where guys can meet chicks is at the movie theatre during any Sunday afternoon. Goodness gracious, there were single women crawling the place! Some came in pairs, but the majority of us were silenly sipping our Diet Cokes (no ice, thanks) and enjoying our small butters with extra popcorn. 🙂 I saw some guys sitting on the benches outside of the restrooms, and I realized that if they weren’t waiting for women, they could have had their choice of about 100 women on the top floor of the AMC alone!

Granted, I was probably the only one who thought to apply cosmetics and wear something other than sweat shorts and a T-Shirt, but hey, if you’re looking for a natural girl, there’s your day to find her. And for those of us who do put together an outfit for a date with ourselves, you see who really gives a shit about her appearance, even if no one is looking.

< / public service announcement >

I ordered my ticket online so that I would have to make it to the show on time. It was kind of neat, actually, to schedule this much-needed time with myself. That I actually made a reservation showed that I took the date seriously … I didn’t do my usual, “Oh, screw it. Things to do and people to see. No time for me.” Oh hell no. Maybe this is what I need to do with my writing — to block out X amount of time on whatever the days and bar any unnecessary distractions. And although this weekend was one where I was continuously on-call for work, I still managed to give myself some TLC and undivided attention. That’s why I get my nails done every two weeks, too — not just because I like having pretty-looking hands so I can show off my abundance of jewelry, but because it’s two hours out of the month where I am being absolutely pampered. I can’t answer the phone, I can’t run out the door to solve a crisis. I have to sit and be attended to. When you look at it that way, it’s a wonder that “self time” isn’t mandatory for more women. 🙂

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for “Sex and the City” and a warm foot bath!

I am in a great mood. I really am. It took awhile for it to happen, but a good hair day, coupled with a cute outfit day and a splash of my Ralph Lauren’s Romance perfume, can work wonders for a girl’s soul. My digital camera is working again, and I took some self-portraits for my personal ads.

We put some photos on Shawn’s website. I’m hosting them over here, so as long as my site is up, his photos are available. I s’pose I was inspired to put more of my own photos up — maybe that certain special someone is out there reading my site and wants to see a current photo of me. 🙂 Yeah, I’m dreaming, but right now, dreams are all I have, and they provide a great escape while I’m sitting around playing with myself, waiting for The Next One to slither into my life. LOL. I’m going to go out and buy a new memory card, seeing as I lost my good one. Damn it. I’m sure I’ll find it when I move.

My boss said I’m looking happier lately. She figured it was the excitement of finishing the paper (which crept into my night last night with a 7 p.m. call from the print shop. Gaah! I can’t escape!) as well as my impending move. I guess she was right on both counts — another paper down, the prospect of hiring someone to help me come Aug. 1, the prospect of using the salary we’re not paying that person to finance three extra freelance articles (Scott, are you listening?), and the joy of having a change of scenery are doing wonders for my ability to smile.

Oh, and Michelle Branch’s new album is pretty good. I can’t get past Song #2, “Are You Happy Now?” but I assume the rest of it will be good ear candy for me this summer as well.

On that note, I’ve gotta run if I’m going to make it to the movie I want to see this afternoon. Later gators!

As much as I’ve wanted to get rid of Showtime, I can’t because they are really coming up with some great original series ideas. We all know I’m in love with “Out of Order,” and now, we can add “Dead Like Me” to the rotation.

I only saw the last half of the premiere episode this week, but what I learned sparked a great conversation with Shawn over Italian food in Georgetown yesterday. (As an aside, go visit Shawn and leave some comments in his brand-spanking new comment box! Come out and be a Bond Girl!)

The main character in the show was pissed off because, in her first offical role as a grim reaper, she had to take the soul of a beautiful little girl on a train. So when the train crashed, she chose to protect the girl instead of taking her away. She met up with the king of the grim reapers (forgive me, I didn’t learn any of their names), who said that souls expire, and if the soul isn’t taken at the moment of expiration, that person will go on to lead a sad or bitter existence. It’s best to take the soul before it goes bad.

Of course, Shawn and I wonder why the hell nobody has taken OUR souls yet, ’cause we’re as bitter as they come, but I digress. 😉

But this is quite the fascinating insight on why the good supposedly die young. This could be why we all sign DNRs so that, if we’re really on our way out, nobody prolongs our lives unnecessarily.

Eventually, she did take the little girl’s soul, and suddenly, a mystical carnival appeared in the woods where they waited. The little girl ran toward the carnival, and once she reached it, everything evaporated into a pile of stars and fairy dust. The main character tried to run after the girl, but the guy told her no, this is not for her to know. I guess that’s their way of telling us that everyone goes to their own idea of heaven, where their spirits will be happy and fulfilled. It was riveting.

Personally, y’all know I’m not too keen on heaven or hell or afterlives. So that told me that I need to find and make my own heaven here. As do we all.

The former stigma of online dating is going away, according to this article.

Gone are the days when you could hope for your friends fixing you up. Instead, we can just hop online and find anyone, anywhere.

I’ve been doing the online dating thing for about four years now. I’m not thrilled with it. I find myself wishing that some of my guy friends COULD hook me up with some of their buddies — at least, that would be an honest testimonial that someone who knows both parties put some thought into said hook-up. But, in fairness and gratitude to my male buddies, most of them have refrained from hooking me up with their friends whom even THEY thought were pigs.

I learned a lesson today about personal ads. I just got a response from a 19-year-old. Here I’ve been, so busy trying to make myself sound fun and exciting and attractive, but I neglected to truly define what it is that I want. And while I don’t believe in restricting my search too much, I had to put in some paramaters.

I got a response from another one of my ads this week, only to find that I have to pay the site a big fee to return the e-mail, and it’s a recurring monthly charge if I’m not on-the-ball enough to suspend my membership. Forget that shit — I am not paying to meet people. I keep trying to remove the ad, but the site crashes every time I try.

At any rate, I prefer to pick up a vibe from somebody. I want to walk up to them and feel that they are people I would feel comfortable spending time with, instead of hoping against hope that they aren’t going to miss a date with their parole officer to meet me in a public place. The beauty of the online persona is that you can truly make yourself out to be whatever it is that you want people to perceive you as. And that beauty can become a dark reality when what you see is not, in fact, what you get.

With my recent (first) 29th birthday, I am finding that I really crave a serious relationship. I think I have the right to wonder whether or not my dates will go somewhere — I’m not dreaming of marriage, by any means, but I would like to sincerely invest a significant amount of time with someone I’d like to have in my life for awhile. I would love to have somebody to hang out with, to take to events and to call up whenever I need companionship. And yes, I have wonderful friends for that, but increasingly, they all are finding other people to do things with and to go to events with. I don’t begrudge them this — I want all of us to be happy. But I also believe that it’s my turn to have this as well.

Yes, I did awaken on the wrong side of the bed today (after 14 hours of sleep!). I had a bizarre dream about all of this. The usual cast of characters appeared during my sleep, and I started picking fights with everyone around me.

And, in a generalist statement, I understand that the precariousness of friendships is what keeps me from really picking fights or from voicing whatever concern is on my mind. I watch Shan and John, who will be married in a week, and while they sometimes spat like they were in a boxing ring and I’m the “ring girl” parading in short shorts and a sign announcing the latest “TKO,” I realize that I want what they have. They can fight and make up. They can be absolutely up-front with each other without worrying that the other is going to get pissed off and move out because they disagree about something. They can be real together, and they love each other, no matter which side of the personality feels like emerging on a particular day. 🙂

Sure, when you’re first in a relationship, you do walk on eggshells so that you can appear to walk on water. 🙂 But what I long for is the realness — the ability to say, “Get out of my face — you’re annoying me” or “Clean up your mess” or “Are you smoking crack? Did you honestly think I’d find that insult adorable?” or “Shove that performance review where it fits” and not worry that this will be the last discussion the two of you will ever have.

I promised Shan and John that I will give the toast on their 20th wedding anniversary. I will steal a bit of it from Michele, from when her sister recently got married — the part where she wanted to say, “They have been to hell and back together, and sometimes, they’ve taken us with them.” I love it that they can, in fact, board the Dante’s Inferno Express but make a round trip right back to blissfulness, once the air is cleared. They’re never second-guessing each other. They know each other well, and they know that sitting around and wondering instead of asking is counter-productive.

At any rate, I’ve had too many counter-productive moments of my own lately, and I’m through. I want the dream relationship, and I want the reality that comes along with it. But until then, I am going to treat myself to a matinee of “Alex & Emma.” And like those characters, until I find the dream I want to live, I guess I’ll just remain here, writing about it. 🙂