Shawn and I were having a discussion about the whole myth that “sex is like pizza,” and we concluded that, in fact, you can have bad pizza and bad sex and they can both leave you gagging.
Last night’s “Sex and the City” showed some anti-climactic (ahem) scenes between Carrie and Berger. Oh, the agony. The thing is, first-time sex with someone is, by definition, supposed to be bad. I think, anyway. I mean, there’s a person from my past whom I couldn’t wait to strip naked and tie to the bed. But like with Carrie and Berger, it was quiet and well, just strange. I mean, you start off in this mood where you want to rip their zippers with your teeth, but when you finally DO start dancing the horizontal mambo, it’s like something in your brain stops you and says, “Whoa. This is really happening!” And that’s when we deflate and it seems to become an effort — whether to impress the person, or to just come already. Girls are lucky in that we can fake it, just to get it overwith, but guys can’t. And maybe they’re too tired, too drunk, too emotional to complete the act. So they get frustrated and may even drop off the planet, so as not to face you again.
Perhaps, like Carrie wondered, we should all be drunk when we take a tumble through the sheets. Most of the best sex of my life was had when there were a few pitchers and some shots involved. I was stone sober during the worst moments. Maybe it’s not that I like sex as much as I think I do, but rather, it’s the drunken sex. The sex when you’re not as concerned about the other party noticing your flaws — the sex when you moan as loudly as you want to, when you’re not thinking about whether or not one of you will walk or run out when it’s done.
At any rate, Carrie and Berger did hit the jackpot on the third try, and good for them. But it left me wondering whether guys, on average, come back and try, try again … or if they just figure that the magic’s not there and they go find somebody else. I commend Berger for figuring out that it was just performance anxiety on both of their parts.
I found myself feeling incredibly horny today. Seriously, today is one of those straddle-anything-that-moves days. Unfortunately, that turned out to be a lively piece of plastic, but still — it was something. 🙂 Something about this heat brings out the sex-starved, raving lunatic in me. A part of me just wants to go out to a club and find something with a heartbeat, just to amuse me.
That’s something that has changed about my life in the past year (well, six months). I became accustomed to going to bars and randomly playing tongue twister with someone. I’d barely get a first name out of them, but I’d just kind of be attached at the lip with them until it was time to go home. I called it safe sex — no contraceptives necessary. I even had a person or two with whom I could do that regularly, with no strings attached. Ah, I’m missing my youth today. …