It’s not that you hate men.
It’s not that you’d even object if one walked into your life tomorrow.
It’s just that you don’t feel an aching need to have a clueless dork with hairy armpits around, trying to cop a feel.
Your needs – and you do have them – can be met very well by a good battery-powered dildo.
FYI, it’s illegal to sell such things in some states.
And no surprise, this is the most illicit sex you’ve experienced in a while!
1. When was the last time you cheated?
Surprisingly, never. I am fully committed to whichever loser is in my life. Unless you count the one time when I was screwing three different guys at the same time, but we all knew things weren’t exclusive. And I was just about to leave Pittsburgh at the time anyway, so why the hell not screw everyone in sight? 😉
2. When was the last time you stole?
Um, Shawn and I were klepto when we were kids. I’ll never forget the $800 worth of crap that we took from Walt Disney World in 1996. I even had a policeman trailing me as I stole a Minnie Mouse shotglass. Thanks to that trip, I own more than 70 shot glasses, 60 of which probably came from there. 🙂
3. When was the last time you lied?
The only time I lie is when I say that I am fine or that I will be fine. I hate pity, and I never want anyone to know how much I am hurting.
4. When was the last time you broke or vandalized another’s property?
I’ve broken into a few apartment buildings in my life, but that was more to stalk or snoop. Although I did use Shawn’s ex-boyfriend Dustin’s toothbrush to clean the toilet, but that was after Dustin pissed in my Paul Mitchell shampoo bottle.
5. When was the last time you hurt a loved one?
If I did it, it was inadvertently. I’m not sure what’s going on with the world, but we’re all so damned touchy anymore (I include myself in this statement). And I never truly tell people how much they’ve hurt me, when they’ve done it, so I can only imagine that people may not be giving me the full story to any acts of assholitry that I might have committed. And this is assuming that I’ve hurt their feelings. Physically hurting someone, well, I might have sucker punched a few people in my day, and there was that time I Maced Shawn in Alan’s car back in 1994. … 😉