Caterwauling

Our phones are down at the Veggie Patch today. So Mailroom Dipshit sends us an e-mail stating that the phones are down till further notice, and if we want him, call him on his cell phone. How, praytell, do we call him if we have no phone service? 😉

I have an interview this morning with someone I can potentially hire. I have nothing planned out — I feel like shit and don’t really plan to keep her long. Frankly, like Shan says, “Never underestimate the power of caring.” Meaning, she can have skills out the wazoo, but anybody can learn anything, if they really want to. Bearing that in mind, I will probably pick the best candidate, based solely on my intuition.

I have interviews all month, which is going to really screw up the paper deadlines. But alas, it’s the price I have to pay now for peace of mind later. Of the 32-plus resumes I received, more than half of the people are out of work. One person sent me a screenplay (because we publish screenplays in the Veggie Patch Gazette — not!). Nearly a third of the responders have 15- to 20-years’ experience in journalism, but they’re willing to settle for an entry-level position and its accompanying dismal salary. I will interview them, but forgive me if I would rather have someone less experienced who will actually respect me as a supervisor and not write me off as some kid who makes a better paycheck than they will, even though they’ve been in the business for as long as I’ve been alive.

One girl I’m interviewing Monday, I have a feeling about. I don’t know why, but when I saw her resume (which isn’t altogether that stellar), I thought, “She’s the one.” Granted, I Googled her and found out that she’s a practicing witch, but other than that, she seems normal. 🙂 I have no problem with witches — in fact, this could make for some interesting getting-to-know-you discussion. But I do wonder about people who clearly make this information available, when potential employers will be looking up their Yahoo! profiles.

I wasn’t able to Google today’s interviewee. She comes off as rather cocky in her resume, but she had a creative approach (i.e., submitting a brochure-style resume with checkboxes, where I could indicate which of her skills I needed her to bring here). I wonder if we’ll butt heads — we sound like we’re very similar in a lot of respects. And we’ll see about that ego, ’cause god knows, after a day at the Patch, you lose your dignity, self-respect and any fledgling strand of ego you might have had when you walked through the doors to Hotel Medicated. 🙂

Ok, I’m just pissed off that I’m awake, but I just got back from Chez Mickey’s and my order is wrong.

They got my two drinks right (coffee and O.J.), so I expected that my meal was correct. It wasn’t. I’m missing my hash brown (no big loss) but the sandwich is an Egg McMuffin when I clearly did not want anything having to do with ham or mcmuffins. I see why this place doesn’t give you receipts — ‘twould be easier to prove that they’re morons.

This sandwich is just awful. It tastes like someone sat on it to warm it up. I would like to amend the old Chez Mickey advertising jingle, “You deserve a break today” to add “but you just won’t get it here.”

Pfft. I’m tossing this crappy McFuckedMuffin away.

Damn it, I’m sick.

I think it’s just a nasty summer cold, but still — it’s the worst possible time for me to get sick, what with the impending move and not having any help yet at work.

Oh well.

I’m watching Disc Three of “Sex and the City” Season Four, where I’m revisiting the beginnings of Brady Hobbes and the end of Carrie and Aidan. And I am missing my weekly meeting with Demure, who goes on vacation from tomorrow through the 23rd. Even my stuffy sinuses can’t bring me down, based on that alone. 🙂

You may remember the infant Chloe, who was born on St. Paddy’s Day this year, who graced these pages with her adorable mug.

Now, meet another Chloe — a four-week-old, one-pound kitty who charmed her way into my heart this past Sunday. She was abandoned by her mommy because she was a tiny little thing, and she will probably go blind soon in her left eye (notice the pupil dilation), but god damn, she’s amazingly friendly and playful. And she comes when you call her, unlike my own furry daughter.

Oh, yeah, try to stop me from adopting this critter. … 😉

Just got a call from Shan from Hawaii — she’s officially an honest woman! 🙂 She and John got married at 5:15 p.m. (Hawaii time) last night. Everything came together, from the minister to the flowers to the wedding cake to all the other details that refused to be lassoed until the last possible minute. w00t!

I was chatting in line with a girl at Wally’s last night. She was seven months’ pregnant and looking rather uncomfortable. I let her go in front of me in line, and she was grateful. She said she’s supposed to be on bedrest. I kind of laughed and told her about Shan who, at seven months’ pregnant, was partying in Hawaii. The girl was shocked and said she was surprised her doctor would go for it. I said it’s more like her doctor had no choice — Shan was going, hell or high water, because she deserves this vacation.

She’s so bummed that I’m not there in Hawaii with her, but I’m glad I have never experienced a tropical paradise — it would make coming back to the Veggie Patch suck that much more badly, as far as I’m concerned. But she’s convinced that I need to see paradise — and that she needs to return to paradise — in a hell of a hurry. Something tells me that we will be packing my boxes and discussing the business ideas that will skyrocket us to happiness. In fact, I’m sure of it. But that’s my first step toward paradise — of setting up a little office area in my new place and thus having no more excuses, once I’ve completely moved.

As far as Hawaii, I may never get there. But I have my own dream destinations, and believe me, I will find my way to at least one of them before I die. The road leading away from the Veggie Patch will be the most crucial step in the adventure, and after I start that journey up and away, well, the sky’s the only limit I can forsee. 🙂

I found out that my new Liz Phair CD is edited. Yes, EDITED. Goddamn Wal-Mart and their fucking family values — they don’t sell anything with offensive material (books, CDs, whatever). Fuckin’ A. The only thing foul in Wally’s would be the customers. Christ! I might return the CD and go buy it at Tower instead — I already paid $15 at this supposed shitty lil discount store, and I didn’t get what I wanted. Bastards!

UPDATE

I bought it from my Amazon wish list. AND I bought “Birds of Pray” by Live. AND I bought three books that I’ve been wanting. So there, Wal-Mart! Eat me, you rifle-toting, bible-hugging cult of fish eggs. May you rot with Martha Stewart. 🙂 Now excuse me, I’m going to go listen to Liz Phair’s “WhiteChocolateSpaceEgg” and crank up the volume on my favorite song of hers, “Polyester Bride.”

Other than a nasty neck ache, it was an okay day. A gift certificate to the Sugar House would be most welcome right now, as I don’t know how else to kick the stress outta my system. *hint hint*

The times, they are a changin’

Went to Wallyworld after my workday ended, where I bought about 20 plastic tubs for packing. (Hence the neck ache, from carrying them.) This move is really going to happen. I gave notice to the rental company that we’re leaving, and they left us our leaving papers today. I am stunned that I have acquired so much shit during the past year, when I took so many pains to get rid of so much crap when I arrived down here in scenic Alexandria more than a year ago.

Cats ‘n ‘at

Maddie sniffs me from head to toe disdainfully when I get home every night. Seems I’ve been *cheating* on her with three cats and three dogs, and she doesn’t like it. Not one bit. So I’ve been showering her with extra treats and such, to make up for it. She doesn’t seem to mind that. 🙂

I hung out with Kenya and Kaioro for awhile tonight — our third night in a row together. Kenya has really warmed up to me and now loves to be petted and scratched behind his ears. Kaioro has been sullen and not eating much, but tonight, after I threw out his old food and gave him a fresh new bowl (again), he went straight for it and chowed down. I was happy … lord knows I don’t want Shan to come home to emaciated kitties. 🙂 I talk to the cats a lot, and I think they like knowing that I’m there. I told them all about their Mommy and Daddy getting married today, and they shit on the carpet in approval. That’s OK, I bought pet stain stuff at Wallyworld, so I will be cleaning up their little opinion registration tomorrow night. 🙂

Reflection and introspection

My existence has been this nonstop series of sky highs and infernal lows, but today, I think I might have just found myself on an even keel, for a change. I don’t love my life and work, but I don’t hate it either. Perhaps I hit this middle ground because I am always in motion, and I know that I won’t plateau or stay low for too long. And when work sucks, I have a loving family and circle of friends to offset the unbalanced load. I’ve also realized that, while I’ve been busy wishing I were as happy as some of the people in my life, they aren’t as happy as they seem. We all have obstacles and challenges and doubts, and we’re all trying to squeeze some meaning out of these days we have on earth.

And I finally understand the comforts of not (yet) being who or where I want to be — as well as not being with the person(s) with whom I wanted to be. If I had achieved everything that I’d wanted to accomplish by now, what would I have to look forward to?

Some folks are taking hiatuses from blogging right now, to go live life instead of writing about it. But as this space is intended for me to figure out who I am instead of figuring out what’s wrong with the world, I am going to keep it up full throttle during this hectic summer. I’ve been living all along, and if you guys actually want to go along for the ride during this exotically wild (and sometimes dreadfully boring) journey, feel free to strap on your seatbelt, toss on the Ray-Bans and turn up the iTunes. I’ve always said that I’m going to be somebody someday, but that’s a lie. I am somebody already, and I love all of you, even when I want to kick your asses sometimes. 😉

The soundtrack of my life

One of the hardest things I’m going to pack, as always, will be my massive CD collection. I bought Liz Phair’s newest record tonight — I have everything she’s ever made. It’s not that I particularly love her new song “Why Can’t I?” but she really just straight-shoots with her lyrics. They’re always very free-versed, and the girl can play a mean guitar.

Today brought a medley of Chantal Krevaizuk, Michelle Branch, Evanescence, Jewel and Lillix. I have been hunting for Live’s new album, “Birds of Pray,” because their song “Heaven” rocks my socks. Should I buy the whole CD, though?

Off to see the wizard. …

I’m outta here. All this thinking has hurt my brain. I’m going to go play with my kitty (not the one between my legs — that’s for later!) and talk to her about maybe adopting a new kitten when we move. I’m sure she, like her kitty cousins Kenya and Kaioro, will register her opinion on the floor while I’m sleeping later. 😉

1. Shan’s getting married today! She and John are in Hawaii with her parents right now, for a tropical wedding/honeymoon escape. Woo hoo! Congratulations, friends!

2. Dreaded coming to work, even more so than usual. It’s going to be a mad, bad week. And with Shan gone, I literally have no desire to answer the phone when it rings.

3. Have been combing through resumes for days. I am sick of these asswipes who claim to be “perky and organized and upbeat and self-starters and detail-oriented.” Yeah, whatever. I claimed to be all of the above when I was interviewing, and you all know that I am NONE of the above. I told Demure that resumes, cover letters and interviews are just plain bullshit and that it would be nice to, for once, have someone tell me, “Look, I’m moody and I hate mornings, but I will be the best goddamn writer you ever hired.” I’d hire them in a heartbeat. She looked horrified.

4. Demure and I had a rather intense blowout on Thursday. Between her and King Kumquat, I am ready to walk out of here and never look back. Too bad the economy is so shoddy, because that’s probably the only thing keeping me in place right now. I literally collapsed into hysterics once I got to Shawn’s for drinks and haircuts that night. 🙂 He was watching me with a combination of amusement and fear — I was literally losing my mind, right on the couch, clutching a glass full of Bacardi 151. This workplace is killing me!

5. I did find four great candidates in my pile-o-resumes. Leadership is all about guiding the next generation of leaders, and I wanted to be sure to leave this place with someone who might actually be able to fill these boots that are made for walking. 🙂

6. My raise took effect this pay. I netted about $13, after all was said and done. Whoop-dee-friggin-shit.

7. We haven’t had coffee creamer in this fucking workplace since we let the facilities guy go last month. Gaaah, how can people DRINK that shit that we brew without creamer? I dumped a whole packet of hot chocolate mix into my coffee this morning — I am sufficiently wired now, thanks.

8. I need a fuck buddy again. Forget the deep relationship I dream of — it’s summer and my loins are aflame. Any takers? 😉

UPDATE

I got the funniest writing sample in with one of my resumes — this kid designed a newsletter called “Shit Out of Luck” and talked about a kid losing his virginity at the prom and another kid getting a cool job in a CD store. Funny as shit. Unfortunately, Demure and Frosty would murder me for even wanting to interview him, but at least I had some refreshing reading this morning. I mean, it takes balls to use the word “Cocksucker” when you’re applying for a job, eh? 🙂

Good episode tonight. Mikey and Shawn came over here to watch our girls in action, after Shawn cooked us a gourmet, carb-laden dinner at his place. We sat amid the bunch of boxes I attempted to pack today, and even Maddie came out and was friendly to her deadbeat Daddy.

I, of course, am most intrigued by Miranda and Steve’s bizarre entanglement. After finding his condoms in the diaper bag, she was treated to a litany of stories about his new girlfriend, Debbie. I’ve never known anybody by that name whom I’ve really liked, and even though we’ve not yet met this character (and hopefully never will), I want to crush her with a speeding Metro. We don’t know if Miranda and Steve really are right for each other, but this Debbie chick is grating on Miranda’s nerves, and ours as well. But in witty SATC-style, the baby started chewing on the condom wrappers — to the horror of the gals — and our beloved Samantha commented, “I’ve had plenty of those in my mouth — they’re perfectly safe.” Or something like that. We *~*heart*~* Samantha!

Samantha is still fucking the hot waiter from Raw. Only this episode, we actually learned his name. Like he needed to have a name. Sweet Jesus on a pogo stick, that boy is HOT!!! Who needs talking when you’ve got a long, blond-haired hottie between your thighs? 😉

Poor Carrie had to suffer sleepless nights from this ridiculous Sharper Image contraption that Berger’s ex Lauren had bought for him to sleep to — all kinds of froggy and birdy sounds made for fitful sleepovers for her. At least she got some good phone sex from Mr. Big when she (mercifully) went back to her own abode for a good night’s rest.

We almost cried when she finally decided she was serious about Berger and so decided to call Mr. Big to end the “friendly” late-night calls. He sat so forlornly in his hot tub (so retro!) after they hung up. *sigh* I suppose all of us girls have that one person who can light up our lives with just a simple “Hello” (or, “Remember that red dress you were wearing when. …”) from the other end of a telephone. *sigh again*

Although Carrie, too, knew that she was closing a very poignant chapter (more like a sequel) in her connection with Big, she recovered long enough to make a quick stop to Sharper Image to buy a new-and-improved sleeping-sounds machine, and the show closed on a happy, snuggly note of them falling asleep to ocean sounds, No. 4.

*swoon*

Charlotte continued her conversion to Judaism, after putting up an Xmas tree in July — her final tree. Harry told her that they could have a tree (in December, of course) — she doesn’t have to give up all of her traditions just to take on all of his. *swoon* But giving up some of the things that are important to her are leading her to more, and maybe even better, things in her — their — future.

I’m still rooting for Miranda to find her happiness. Steve is just irritating the shit out of her, with “Debbie this and Debbie that.” Fuck it, I hope she can move on and find someone else who can actually appreciate (and see) the love she so desperately wants to give but finds herself hiding behind snarky remarks. But as this is the last season of our adored show, I suspect that Steve will be hit with a flying anvil at some point. We’re predicting a wedding for Miranda and Charlotte in the season finale, and we also see a reappearance of Mr. Big for Carrie. And for Samantha, we know that the girl who will never commit will find herself a plethora of hot young waiters to keep fucking her silly into eternity. Aaaah, I love this show! 😉

Unrelated, I’ve been on Kitty Duty this weekend, taking care of Shan’s cats Kaioro (pronounced ‘Cairo’) and Kenya (yes, she dreams of faraway places). The boys are taking to me quite well, although I suspect it is because I am the keeper of the kitty chow. And I met a new kitty baby tonight, Chloe, who is a six-week old black cat with a white tummy and white paws. Too cute! I have many, many photos to share when I get into the Photoshopping mood. 🙂 Mikey is fostering Chloe until she’s ready to be adopted, in two weeks. Something tells me that I am going to want to be the lucky adopter. We’ll see, friends. We’ll see. 🙂

Well, I didn’t take any photos of the hot military men crawling Downtown D.C. last night, but I did get some nice fireworks shots. But da-aaa-aaamn, boys in uniform are reason enough to support your country. Trust me on this! 😉

Shawn and I went down to the Mall and strolled around the crappy Folk Life Festival last night. I say it sucked because there were a bunch of tents where people were preaching Christianity to anyone who would listen. Shawn and I are burning in hell together, so we skipped the bible studies and ate some ridiculously expensive foreign food. And other than the Mall smelling like B.O. and cow pies, we had a fabulous time.

After the show, we went to a bar in Adams Morgan. The place reminded me of being in Charleston, S.C. (without the pain and torture of being with Brat, who was withholding sex from me, the bastard!) — we sat in a bar with all the front windows open, and there was a table set in the floor-to-ceiling window area, so we took it. We faced the street and watched all of the HOT boys strolling by (mmmm, what WAS it about hot boys in blue shirts? We were creaming in our jeans!). There was this one boy (in a green shirt with blue stripes) who stood in front of our table and looked beyond our heads up at the bar — and all the while, he was lifting up his shirt and playing with his tummy. THEN, he started playing with his zipper. Ho-leee-fucking-SHIT! We had to leave right away so we could get to our respective homes and do a lil self-lovin’, in the boy’s honor.

Anyway, without further ado, here are our photos. Fireworks were shooting over the Washington Monument, and they’re a bit blurry ‘cuz of all the smoke generated. I did some cool stuff with a photo of us drinking at the bar, and then finally, well, the last photo will speak for itself. 😉 Enjoy!