Caterwauling

Expect no coherence from me tonight, kids. I’m piss drunk from a lovely dinner for nine at Shawn’s casa.

I just can’t believe Paul and Bryan asked me to drive them home — I am toasted. We’re all lucky that I got them — and me — home alive.

Now to smoke my last cigarette and crawl into bed. Or maybe fix another drink or 10. 😉 But I’m a very good drunk driver — the alcohol calms my nerves so that I’m not wigged out whilst driving I-395. I should drink before I commute more often!!!

We had much discussion about romantic relationships (not about mine — shit, I can’t even think about my sordid past). But while sometimes we all feel defective when we’ve been cheated on, dumped or otherwise remained in “singles” mode for far too long, we have to realize that, in fact, we rock … and if folks are too fucking stupid to realize it, it’s their loss.

Now stop me before I go drunken-dialing. … 😉

Rejected title: More hospital madness

I can’t believe I forgot to record this, but then again, like I know which end is up anymore!

When I went to the hospital on Saturday, there was a young kid working the admissions desk. I went behind his desk to go wash my hands, and I could swear he was looking at porn — big, wet black booties, if you get my drift. But after a second, it’s like he knew I hadn’t moved, so he toggled to a Yahoo! search page.

So I washed my hands, came out, and saw booties and boobies again! I must’ve gasped, ’cause that Yahoo! page came up immediately to cover it. Heh. What a dumbass, sitting out there in the open like that. Hell, I don’t even look at porn in my enclosed little office! 😉

I swear, after reading really shitty submissions from the many Veggie Patch offshoot divisions, I have to support Shawn’s wish that the Pulitzer Prize Committee gave out awards for editing. Somebody remove the Exacto knife from my jugular, please!

Cruise Director here at Club Medicated wants me to get Shan’s passwords and the keys to her files. Heh. Good luck. Sister ain’t picking up her phone, not that she ever wanted our screwy colleagues nosing through her stuff more than they already do. They’ve already accessed her voice mail, and let’s just say that I know I left two messages for her bitching about the place. Heh again.

I’m liking having a new employee. Leaves me more time for blog-reading. w00t!

Rejected title: I see London, I see France

Guess who forgot to zip up her skirt this morning? Hope everyone at the Veggie Patch enjoyed looking at my leopard underwear for the past three hours! 😉

No, for once I’m not talking about the Veggie Patch. I’m talking about the hospital.

I called before I went down there yesterday to confirm that Shan was still there. The patient care line rep assured me she was there. So I got there and *poof* the nurses told me she had been released only about 20 minutes before I arrived. Grrr. Like I would’ve driven to D.C. and paid to park if she weren’t there! (One could argue that I could’ve called her, but she’s worse about picking up her phone than I am — we both tend to set our phones to vibrate and then forget to check for messages for days on end.)

It just bugs me that we trust people to provide supreme care for the patients, but these same people don’t even know that the patients have left the friggin’ hospital.

At any rate, kill me before sending me to a hospital. Seriously. I told Shan she’s the poster child for abstinence, after watching what she went through. The thing about being with a friend who has just given birth is that doctors have no qualms about running in and ripping their blankets off, for all the world to see. I swear, I’ve seen more of my friend than I ever wanted to, but then again, you know you’re good friends with someone when you watch her rip off her blood pressure cuff and start scratching her ass with the Velcro. 🙂