Caterwauling

No, for once I’m not talking about the Veggie Patch. I’m talking about the hospital.

I called before I went down there yesterday to confirm that Shan was still there. The patient care line rep assured me she was there. So I got there and *poof* the nurses told me she had been released only about 20 minutes before I arrived. Grrr. Like I would’ve driven to D.C. and paid to park if she weren’t there! (One could argue that I could’ve called her, but she’s worse about picking up her phone than I am — we both tend to set our phones to vibrate and then forget to check for messages for days on end.)

It just bugs me that we trust people to provide supreme care for the patients, but these same people don’t even know that the patients have left the friggin’ hospital.

At any rate, kill me before sending me to a hospital. Seriously. I told Shan she’s the poster child for abstinence, after watching what she went through. The thing about being with a friend who has just given birth is that doctors have no qualms about running in and ripping their blankets off, for all the world to see. I swear, I’ve seen more of my friend than I ever wanted to, but then again, you know you’re good friends with someone when you watch her rip off her blood pressure cuff and start scratching her ass with the Velcro. 🙂

My new gal started today. We really seem to get along. I look forward to a good working relationship with her. 🙂

No news is good news. Haven’t heard anything new about Shan and the little one. I did know they were supposed to do a blood transfusion on the baby either last night or today, which brings about a hepatitis risk, but this kid seems like she can survive anything.

I am slowly emptying the old apartment. It looks like a hurricane hit it. Meanwhile, I have yet to even unpack a damn thing in the new place. But that’s OK — life took over, and life is way more important than emptying boxes.

A gal at work offered to donate baby stuff to Shan — clothes, highchairs, etc. I will gladly take that stuff off of her hands for when Alex gets to come home in four weeks!

So. Very. Tired.

Got some hate mail about Pride Fag’s latest column. Some asshole bitched about us promoting homosexuality and disease-spreading. I was told not to run the letter, which I didn’t want to do anyway because it’s just ignorant and nasty. But it’s sad — I’ve been waiting for someone to write in opposition to his ideas, but not about his sexual orientation.

Welcome Alexandria Marie Edwards to the world, folks. 🙂

She’s 4 lb., 11 oz and 17 1/2 inches long. She came screaming into the world at 2:46 p.m. on Saturday, Aug. 9, after a whopping 17 minutes of labor. She’s the prettiest and biggest munchkin in the NICU, and everyone who’s seen her is in love with her. She’s got a full head of hair, dancer’s legs, big feet, pretty little fingers and nails and a set of lungs that would make even a full-term baby envious. Oh, and did I mention that she registered her disgust with the hospital staff by peeing on her first X-Ray?!?! 😉

Her mom’s doing OK, minus some post-birth agony. Alex is kicking and responding like a pro, and Aunt Dawn is exhausted from a very full afternoon, evening and now morning at the hospital. 😉 Thanks for all your good wishes (especially those coming from Ireland — thanks to Leslie for her trans-Atlantic blessing of our new little Irish princess!). You’ve all been such a great support to me as well during this very trying time!

And of course I have purchased every single “It’s a Girl!” item from the hospital gift shop. 🙂 < / proud aunt behavior, for now anyway! >

Subtitle: Our late September miracle is happening this weekend

Spent the better part of today finding hanging out at the hospital with Shan in D.C.

The news is that the doctors have decided to induce labor tomorrow. She’s at 32 weeks — not great but not bad, when you think about it. Right now, they’re pumping the little one full of steroids so that her lungs will develop more quickly. And they gave Shan something to kick-start the cervix into dilating. If When all goes well, we may have a new arrival on Sunday or Monday, at the latest.

To say I’m worried, well, that doesn’t begin to cover it. I’ll spare you all the gruesome details, but on the upside, the doctors say the baby has a 90 percent chance of survival. I have great faith in the medical staff, as it’s the hospital where all the presidents choose to be treated, and everyone seems to be pretty on-the-ball. But it seems that the umbilical cord is either wrapped around the child’s neck or ankle (too fuzzy to see which), and that explains the fact that her heart rate either stops or plummets. But she’s still kicking like a trouper.

Shan’s hooked up to a fetal monitor 24/7, so we were treated to hearing the little one’s heartbeat throughout my visit. But it was scary — it dipped for awhile, and I had to crank the volume up to high until we started hearing it again.

She’s holding up divinely, although the hubby’s family is trekking into town tomorrow and will probably be up her ass until she gives birth. I’m going to head down there again and try to distract them. The mother-in-law called no fewer than four times in four hours, and each time I told her Shan was asleep or that they had taken her out for tests. The mother-in-law was all like, “And WHO are YOU?!?!” every time I picked up. And I said, “I’m Dawn. Who may I ask is calling?” And she’s heard my name enough times to know that I’m a welcome visitor, but I was annoyed that she would assume she could snap at whomever was kind enough to pick up the line while Shan’s arms are tied down with IV tubes and BP monitors.

I did curtly remind the woman, though, that the phone rings pretty loudly and is pretty close to the bed, so if no one answers after a couple of rings, no one is there. (I think I missed two of her calls, as the phone rang off the hook, but I was busy helping Shan to reattach her plugs to the monitors after bathroom trips.) Shan was most grateful.

We think the mother-in-law is going to force herself in the room during the delivery, which Shan has made clear is a no-go. I told her I’d be more than happy to be there when the little one arrives, but if she’s more comfortable with just the hubby and the team of doctors, I won’t be offended to wait in the hall.

I feel like everything will turn out all right, but it’s this middle time that just sucks. She’s terrified of what’s going to happen — that 10 percent chance of disaster is high enough to instill panic in all of us.

I left when visiting hours were over. Shawn Metroed down to meet me, and we went out to Dupont for hummus and a pitcher of daquiris at Pepper’s. I cried so hard when I got to my car after the hospital visit that I lost my parking ticket for a few minutes and just couldn’t otherwise function. He generously offered to drive, which I took advantage of, and he even paid for my (outrageous) parking because I couldn’t locate the money to get out of there. *sigh*

As always, friends, I need you to send happy, positive and healthy thoughts and vibes toward the little family in the hospital room this weekend. And other than shutting off my cell phone so I could go drinking tonight, I’m on-call for them and will go running when I hear anything. Thank you for the love. I hope to write back by Sunday night with good news. 🙂

I just hate when things are out of my hands and I can’t do a damn thing. But you can count on it, I’ll be there. Shan and John both said that I need to be worrying about unpacking and getting the rest of my shit out of the old place, but fuck that. They need me more than my stuff does. At any rate, I can’t wait to hold that baby, if they ever let her go for two seconds so that I can. 🙂

*updated*

Well, after kicking back various vodka and Motrin cocktails till 4:30 a.m. (whilst watching hours of HBO On-Demand), I finally got to sleep. Yay! Just woke up, and I feel great!

Was just bitching to the cat about having to go drive across the county line to go get a shower. But then my inner bitchhandywoman took over, and I figured out how to turn on the water. You see, the dipshit maintenance staff painted over the little door to the tub controls, and I had to fight to find it and get it open, but I did it. Now, to clean the tub and have my inaugural full-body cleansing! w00t!

UPDATE

Would you believe, 10 minutes after posting this, the maintenance guy came to fix my shower? I was so thrilled to say, “Nope. Did it myself. Thanks anyway!”

But insofar as my ant problem, the guy brought me a can of Raid. The same can I bought last week. But I haven’t seen a bug in two days, so my self-extermination must’ve worked.

I did get a talking-to for shortening the chain on the ugly chandelier that they put in my dining area. Ugh. It’s brass with six weird candle-looking thingies. The guy said I need to have it 10 chain links down (it’s at about five, because I was hitting my head on it). Not to mention that it’s not even centered — if I put my dining room table under it, no one could get into the kitchen. And did I mention how ugly it is? I told him, look, all the gay men I had moving me told me I need to move that monstrosity entirely. He laughed and said he had to agree with us!

1. What’s the last place you traveled to, outside your own home state/country?

On a spaceship, where I was anally probed by aliens

2. What’s the most bizarre/unusual thing that’s ever happened to you while traveling?

Not ending up getting lost

3. If you could take off to anywhere, money and time being no object, where would you go?

The Big Apple, baby! I want to stay at the Marriott Marquis or at the Ritz, and I want to shop till my credit card breaks in half.

4. Do you prefer traveling by plane, train or car?

Plane. And as far as the increased airport security, hell. At least I know I’ll get felt up!

5. What’s the next place on your list to visit?

The bathroom. Money doesn’t grow on trees, so I’m going somewhere I can afford!

I have not slept since Tuesday night. Fuck.

Granted, I can never sleep in a strange bed, but even though I’m in a new dwelling, I’m in my bed, with fresh, crisp, brand-spanking new black-and-white gingham sheets. I’ve even spritzed the life out of them with Bath and Body Works eucalyptus-spearmint linen spray. But nothing’s working.

I’m physically and emotionally overexhausted — that’s got to be it. Even while my body is begging me to rest, my mind is in 14 different places … and not one of them is a relaxing place.

If Shan’s still in the hospital tomorrow, I’m going to sneak down there after work see her. But first, I’m going to have to go to the old apartment to get a shower, as I still have a non-functioning tub/shower here. *sigh* No wonder I can’t sleep.

I talked to John today about Shan. She’s still in the hospital, under observation at the moment. Seems the baby’s heart stopped beating twice. Both girls are fine now, and John is calm. He said they might end up wanting to induce labor, if that happens again.

I cried for a half hour (I was sitting in Van Dorn traffic anyway, which is also a tear-jerker during rush hour). Shawn called and invited me over, and I’m headed there now — he just got the Season One DVDs of “Strangers With Candy.”

Send happy thoughts to Shan, John and little Alexandria, OK? Thanks! :*

Bryan, as he started to lift my mattress: “Oh, the stories this mattress can tell!”

Me: “If there were a movie made about the life of my mattress, it would be called ‘Toy Story.'”

We survived! My strong cadre of good-looking men had me moved within five hours, although it took all five of us to carry my hulking entertainment center.

I love the new place, minus the army of multiple-legged critters I’ve killed and the fact that the shower doesn’t work. I had to drive back to the old place to bathe today, and I had to do it fast to be here for the Comcast five-hour window.

On my first day with cable/internet, I’ve already experienced the ineptness of my new cable company. Seems they can’t support Mac OS 8.6, but I told them to install the Internet service anyway, as that’s all I wanted when they persuaded me into getting digital cable. But I am loving the digital — I have all the MTV channels, including the all-’80s music one. w00t!

More stories to come … but I’ve got a lot of blog-reading to catch up on right now!

Just talked to John (Shan’s husband) — the doctors measured the fetus, and she’s 5.2 pounds and healthy!!! Shan’s eight months along, so this is extremely comforting for all of us — Alex is the right size and is in great shape. Now to get her mom out of the hospital and let this pregnancy-induced itching end already!

Hugs o’plenty go out to Bryan, Paul, Shawn, Dave and Scott (listed in order of scheduled appearance) for helping with the move tomorrow. I shall be up all night preparing for this impending thrill ride. 🙂 John may show up later, but I hope we knock out the big stuff so he can spend a lil more time with the mommy-to-be.