Caterwauling

Rejected headline: Yes, kids, even YOU can buy a crack house

*updated twice*

I went to Urban Outfitters’ website to purchase the newest game sweeping the nation, Ghettopoly, but “Due to customer concerns, we no longer sell the game.”

That’s OK — I visited our fine friends at Ghettopoly.com and found, in addition to the item I wanted: Hoodopoly, Hiphopopoly, Thugopoly and Redneckopoly, which are currently in development and on my holiday shopping list (particularly Redneckopoly — as a former Pittsburgher, I shall easily win any game!).

Sure, the masses are crying about how horrible this game is supposed to be, but I worked in the buttcrack of the East Liberty section of Pittsburgh, where my brand-new car was attacked by gang members when she was two months old. Not to mention the, um, array of people adorning the streets and either whistling at, throwing up on, or slurring toward you as you scurried from your building to your car down the street.

All this hype is SO making me want to buy a game pronto. Seriously, no media hype = nobody really wants it. But all these groups had to make waves, so now, demand is up. Oh, these are gonna be worth some serious money someday — if you do buy it, don’t even open it. Sell it in a decade for cash mon-ay!!!

Update

It’s on backorder till Nov. 10. And shipping was $9, but what the hell, right? 😉 I want it just for the little smokey-tree shaped “playa” piece!!!

This just in

They even have a Cafe Shop! Get yer ghetto thong!!!

So here are a few to enjoy because I ain’t got nothin’ original to say today! 🙂

Note: This one’s for John.

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An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, “I want coffee.” The waiter says, “Sure chief, coming right up.”

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, “I want coffee.”

The waiter says, “Whoa, Tonto. We’re still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway”?

“I’m in training for upper management position. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit and disappear for rest of the day.”

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An airline’s passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone into a good mood as he served them food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, “Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, lovely people, so if you could just put up your trays that would be super.”

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed that a well-dressed, rather exotic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle. “Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.”

The passenger calmly turned her head and said, “In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one.”

To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, “Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I’m called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, bitch!”

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A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little mole hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says,”Yum! I smell maple syrup!” The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says “Yum! I smell honey!”

The baby mole tries to stick his head out of the hole to sniff the air, but can’t because the bigger moles are in the way so he says, “Geez, all I can smell is …”

Scroll down…….

“MOLASSES.”