Caterwauling

Props to Chris for bringing me back to my roots!

And if you can’t get enough of the jokes (and my asides), go tease your hair or comb your mullet and visit Pittsburghese dot com for some language lessons! 🙂

YOU KNOW YOU’RE FROM PENNSYLVANIA

You know what a “State Store” is, and your out of state friends find it incredulous that you can’t purchase liquor at the mini-mart.

You don’t understand what all the hype is about for Yuengling or Rolling Rock beer, you’ve been drinking it for years even though Iron City is cheaper.

You live for summer & fall, when street fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season.

You know what REAL potpie is.  You ask the waitress for “dippy eggs” for breakfast. Your turkey has “filling,” not “stuffing,” and most certainly, NOT “dressing.”

You consider Pittsburgh to be “out west,” and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.

When someone says 1972, you think “Agnes,” and when someone says 1979, you think “TMI”. (Personally, I think of being 5 years old and celebrating the Pirates winning the World Series and the Steelers winning the Super Bowl — D.P.)

You call sloppy joes, “barbecue.”

When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.

Know that Yuengling is pronounced “Ying-ling,” and believe that it really is a premium beer (which comes from growing up on Schlitz and Iron City).

The first day of Buck season and the first day of Doe season are school holidays.

One of the highlights of your life was a field trip to Penn’s Cave and Horseshoe curve.

You know exactly what to do when your mother tells you to “redd up” your room.

You know the time and location of every “wing night” in a 20 mile radius.

You don’t think people from Philly or Pittsburgh talk funny.

All of your childhood vacations were trips to the Jersey shore.

You design your children’s Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

Driving is always better in winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

You find 20 degrees just a little chilly.

You can recite the four seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

Words like “hoagie”, “crick”, “chipped ham”, and “pop” actually mean something to you.

You can use the phrase “fire hall wedding reception” and not even bat an eye.

You think nothing of an Amish buggy on the road.

You learned long ago how to “step carefully” around the buggy tie-ups in the supermarket parking lot.

You constantly refer to Pennsylvania as “PA” (pronounced Pee-ay). How many other states do that?

You can go 2 weeks in winter without sunshine and think this is normal.

You know that Blue Ball, Intercourse, Climax, Bird-in-Hand, Virginville, Paradise, Mars, and Slippery Rock are PA towns. (Don’t forget Beaver, Big Beaver, Beaver County and Beaver Falls. Oh, and what about Moon Township? — D.P.)

There is no such thing as a “Philly Cheesesteak”.  Its just called a Cheesesteak since everybody knows where they come from.

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

“Vacation” means going to Hershey Park for the weekend.

You know several people who have hit deer more than once.

You often switch from “Heat” to “A/C” in the same day. (Um, we do that in Virginia, too — D.P.)

You use a down comforter in the summer.

Your grandparents drive at 65mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

You install security lights on your house and garage and then leave both unlocked.

You think of the major food groups as deer meat, fish, and berries.

You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend or wife knows how to use them.

There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the Sheetz mini-mart at any given time.

You can actually eat cold pizza (even for breakfast) and know others who do the same. Those from NY find this “barbaric.” (And here I thought all college students did this, too — D.P.)

You not only have heard of Birch Beer, but you know that it comes in several colors: Red, White, Brown, Gold.

At least 5 people on your block (for the city folks) have electric “candles” in all or most of their windows all year long.

You know several places to purchase or that serve Scrapple, Summer Sausage (Lebanon Bologna), and Hot Bacon Dressing. (Mmmm, I miss Sweet Lebanon — D.P.)

You can’t go to a Pennsylvania Wedding without hearing the “Chicken Dance” and at least 5 other Polkas. (Don’t ask me to polka. It’s ugly — D.P.)

You actually understand these jokes and will send them on to your PA friends too.

You. Yes you, moonbat. The asshole in the lavender Beamer. The one at the corner of Jordan and Duke. Yeah, I’m talking to you. See, you were in the right-turn-only lane. I was beside you in the lane that could go left, right or straight. But see, you wanted to go left (but your dumb ass was in the wrong lane) and I wanted to turn right (which I had every right to do). So when I went to turn right, your stupid ass decided to go straight. So I had to throw on the brakes and let your stupid ass escape unscathed and I actually had a schoolbus driver behind me throwing his hands up in the air because of your stupidity. That’s why I honked. If I’d been in a worse mood, I’d’a followed your ass and inserted my hooker heel in your rectum.

But because I was in a good mood this morning, I just let you off with an angry honk. But next time, kindly remove your headpiece or whatever was blocking you from reading the clearly illustrated markings on the pavement. Moron.

Budget meeting in two hours. Speaking of wanting to shove a hooker heel into someone’s rectum. …