Caterwauling

Apparently it’s the former, seeing as though I just had a most excellent fantasy in my head that left the nether regions a-tingling. Woops — I can’t believe I just thought my way into orgasm, here in my office. Heh. Good thing I am alone with the door closed!

Seriously, the best fantasies are of the things you think will never happen in a million years. And being here and editing a 140-page document of reader submissions, creaming your jeans is better than taking a sledgehammer and killing the idiots who can’t even spell the names of their companies correctly (don’t think I’m jesting — I’m floored at the fact that the only thing these people can spell are the abundance of academic degrees that follow their names). Detest. Stupid. People.

I’m goin’ back to my damn fantasy. At least the mouse isn’t sticky and my wrist doesn’t hurt!

I need a bitch break.

It’s 1:13 p.m., and my boss’s secretary just ducked out for the day. My supervisor is out sick for the week, so her bland assistant goes AWOL on a moment’s notice. Good thing those of us in our department aren’t allowed to really ask her for anything or give her anything to do, because we wouldn’t get it. 😉

I just had one of our employees come in here while I was eating my lunch to ask me a professional favor. You know, I asked him for a favor two fucking weeks ago, and I have yet to see the results (it’s too late now — the paper was already printed). He wants me to take a photo of some people standing around a plaque. Of course. I am so sick of that same request — it comes at least twice a month. Luckily, we anticipated the request, and Angie graciously offered to take the stupid photo because I have neither the time nor the patience for it.

And I was so rude to the guy — who really is nice, sadly. He said that Pride Fag wanted this photo, and I interrupted to say, “Oh, let me guess — we’re going to line up people around a sign?” And he said yes. So I said, “Perfect. Y’know, ’cause that’s the type of photography our readers really want to see.”

I know, it’s nothing. It’s 10 minutes of our time. But I was also asked to be on Capitol Hill at the crack of fucking dawn on Monday morning. Not fun, but much more important. Again, it’s gonna be a photo of 200 people standing on steps, but hey, it’s a lot more interesting than four people lined up against a wall holding a fucking sign. 🙂

Why am I so friggin’ BITTER today?!?!

My office is usually Arctic or sweltering. Today it is on the latter end of the thermometer. I can’t fucking concentrate to save my life, not to mention that I wore a heavy sweater because it’s usually so damn cold here.

In good news, I don’t have to work during Halloween weekend. The CEO will take photos. You’d think he’d make Town Crier take them. Oh well.

I got a good, subtle zinger in to TC today. I’m sure she never even realizes how I manage to use her own words against her at every opportunity.

Angie and I were chatting about winning the lottery and how many people outright quit their jobs as soon as they learn of a financial windfall. I wouldn’t quit here — at least, not right away. I love my team and my job functions too much. But I would go to part-time, and I would definitely work on opening my own side business(es). And I would definitely give a royal “fuck off” to those who deserve it most, when they deserve it. None of this bottling it up or writing politically correct e-mails to convey yet disguise my frustration.

Like Santa, I would like to start making a list of people I’d like to tell to go to hell. I’d even like to write the script for what I would say. My friend Chris always wanted to write a book on fantastic exits from the workplace. Mine would probably include a Zambelli fireworks display and lip prints tattooed to my ass. In fact, I’d start my own company and hire the truly talented people with whom I’ve worked over the years — nothing would screw old employers worse than having an army of their minions go on to greater success (and more enjoyable environments) together without the employer.

I don’t mean to be so hard on the Veggie Patch today. It’s really some of the people who are frosting my flakes today, and of them, most are not in upper management. Surprisingly. 🙂 I just think of the pay scale and wonder why I work so much harder for less money than some of these losers are taking home.