Caterwauling

My neighbor across the road got mad at her son and threw a lawnchair at him. Beaned him pretty good with it too. Had I not been on the phone with Shawn at the time and been narrating the event (which I saw in its entirety), I would’ve thought I was dreaming.

The kid (he’s 16) ran screaming into the house. The mom kept yelling after him but never got up out of her own chair.

Heh. Tales from the ghetto. 🙂

I’ve been blogging offline today. I don’t do it very often, but today I had a lot on my mind that isn’t fit for print. It’s a balance of psychosis and hopefulness; kind of like my bipolar Gemini personality. 🙂 All I can tell you is that I’ll be fine. Eventually!

It’s official.

Of course, there was never any doubt that I am my mother’s daughter — we’re similarly and ridiculously brain-dead.

I gave her a quick call this morning to check in — I’d had a meltdown on the phone yesterday, and I had to hang up when I almost crashed my car into Popeye’s drive-thru window. So we’re chatting and I hear her rustling around and cursing under her breath. I asked her what the hell was going on, and she said, “Damn it — I can’t find my cell phone!”

I said, “Uh, Mom — what did I call you on?”

*thunk*

She asked me not to tell anyone about that. So it’s between you, me and the blogosphere now. 😉 (I admit, I lose my glasses for hours at a time, only to pass by a mirror and see them on top of my head ’cause I’m too vain to keep them on my face. LOL)

I’ve got to send a shout-out to Angie for bringing me sweet-and-sours mix, because I made myself a bunch of amaretto sours last night, and well, I slept beautifully and didn’t get up to wring Shorty B’s neck until 8 a.m. (Shorty B. usually starts pissing me off around 5:45 a.m. — I was able to snuggle back up with my pillows and ignore her for a couple of hours!)

The weird news is that my designer must’ve called me around 11 last night, and I picked up. Only thing is, I don’t remember the conversation. I looked at my phone this morning and saw his number on the list of recent calls. I saw him today and admitted that I don’t remember talking to him. He said he thought something was kind of off with me, but apparently I answered his questions because I got the proof today. 🙂

I’d say that I hope I didn’t say anything too stupid, but I do that when I’m perfectly lucid, so I’m surprised he noticed the difference. 🙂

At any rate, things always look better in the morning. I have a lot of thinking to do about my future, but this weekend is dedicated to proofing a 72-page tabloid. And alcohol — don’t forget the alcohol!

Parting thought: Everybody wish my good friend Dawn a happy birthday! Girl, you don’t look a day over 29 (and I mean that wholeheartedly!)!

Today’s Gemini horoscope:

You may be caught in a difficult quandary in which your attention to other people’s needs and emotions may draw you into dramas that you do not wish to be a part of, dawn. As a result, you may become very indecisive and unsure of which way to proceed. You will find, however, that you are confident of your decision once you have made it.

I’ve done way too much thinking today. Am I happy where I am? What needs to change — job, geography, what? I cried a lot today, and maybe it was for nothing. I don’t know. I’m just really sad and confused right now. Should I stay here in Alexandria, or should I leave town when my lease expires next summer? When the hell am I going to get my finances together? When am I going to go into business for myself? How am I going to do it? How am I going to afford my bills? You’d think, with my income (which is decent, for my age), that I could afford my life. But I can’t. I’m not extravagantly spending money — it’s all loans and credit cards and car and housing — stuff I ran up long ago and in small increments. Now I am barely getting by. And I hate every minute of it.

I’ve made a lot of good friends around here, but some are leaving, and others plan to leave soon. I suppose I can always make new friends (and, of course, keep the old ones, no matter how far away they go!), but that would require motivation on my part. Maybe I need some alone time to get my career in order and decide if I can do it from somewhere else, preferably somewhere more affordable.

My grandfather is going into renal failure — the same thing my grandmother and great-grandmother died from. That means mom will need me — she has no property, no income (she’s a full-time caregiver). And lord knows I can barely support my furry children — how will I be able to take care of all of us?

I’m going to go take a nap — my eyes are practically swelled shut from sobbing most of today. I hate being unsure of how to survive from paycheck to miserable paycheck, and of course today’s paycheck was short due to furlough days. Fuck me running.

1. List five things you’d like to accomplish by the end of the year.

The end of the year, as in, in six weeks? Jesus Christ.

1. I’d like to get to my laundry pile — all 12 loads of it

2. Write out holiday cards

3. Plan a party (with no money, of course)

4. Return phone calls/e-mails from friends (I’m horrible at this)

5. Not commit suicide over finances and other worries

2. List five people you’ve lost contact with that you’d like to hear from again.

1. Melissa Vogel (ego-surf, woman! Where are you in this world?!?), my old friend from Pittsburgh — we worked together at Kaufmann’s in the Jones New York section.

2. Howard and Nancy — I worked with Howard at Easter Seals, and he and Nancy were always up for a good happy hour, especially at their homes. God, we had fun!

3. Kristine Habun — we went to Point Park College together and graduated together with journalism degrees, when what we both really wanted was to be novelists. I loved talking with her and reviewing each other’s short stories. (Another one I hope who ego-surfs and finds this!)

4. My old friends Kristin and Steve (I put them together because we were such a unit). Sure, we all exchange the occasional e-mail, but it’s not the same. It never will be.

5. Shan (even though I haven’t lost her). I just got my best girlfriend back, and she’s leaving me. She’s going to move back to Oregon in the next couple of months (financial reasons), and of course little Alex will be going with her. She just told me five minutes ago. I can’t stop crying and I want to die. I miss her already, and I’m falling apart as I type this.

3. List five things you’d like to learn how to do.

1. Make money

2. Run a business

3. Create art, whether it be paintings, sculpture, photography or whatever else inspires me

4. Publish my books

5. Become a writing coach or instructor — I’m a good editor, but I’d like to take it a step further and not just re-write people’s stories, but teach them how to do it right the first time.

4. List five things you’d do if you won the lottery (no limit).

1. I’d buy my mom a house

2. I’d buy myself a house and pay off my car/credit cards/medical bills/defaulted student loan

3. I’d quit my day job and freelance when/if the mood strikes

4. I’d give Shan money to stay here in Virginia; I’d help out all of my family and friends who are working so hard and accomplishing so little due to financial restraints

5. I would shop like a madwoman and buy a new Mac G5 and every damn other thing I’ve been coveting but know I will never have

5. List five things you do that help you relax.

1. Mediate/try to regulate my breathing

2. Blog/write about the stress/do a quick poem about the event

3. Eat (this would explain a lot!)

4. Daydream about a better time, past or present

5. Curl up in a ball and want to die.

My Ghettopoly shipped today!

The ever-wacktacular Jacko was arrested. And he got out on $3 million bail. Shit. I don’t even have $3 to my name to buy a pack of cigarettes. I guess when you’re rich, you can molest anybody you want (although I’d choose somebody a little closer to my age range!). Jane thinks Jacko might want to go to jail … that is, if it’s Juvenile Hall. 😉

And because it’s a slow news day, the Metro system approved a new bathroom policy. Sounds like it is easier to talk your way out of a speeding ticket than to convince Metro employees that you just have to pee really badly.

The decision comes tomorrow whether to fry Muhammad or let the fucker rot in jail on our tax bill. All I have to say is, “Kill the Wabbit! Kill the Wabbit!”

The Gemini horoscope sums up my typical workday: “Tolerating bad behavior can arouse anger. Despite well-justified fears about alienating co-workers, you’re better off confronting a situation. The problem is you’re overworked and underpaid.” But since WHEN have I worried about alienating my co-workers, who are alien life forms (or, rather, human corpses that have forgotten to fall over)?

Turned in my budget today for final approval by Finance. It took two hours to do the math on a half-million-dollar list of expenditures, but four hours to figure out how to plug them into this ridiculous Excel form that Finance asked us to use.

Parting thought: Doesn’t he look like the victim of a Cover Girl laboratory explosion? Shit, the man’s a caricature in his “natural” state — how would a caricaturist be able to distort this any more than it already is?

Shit like this just pisses me off beyond belief. I mean, now that Massachusetts has pioneered a possible path to acceptance for gay marriage, my adopted home state of Virginia is taking extra steps to ensure it never happens here.

Seriously, I want to go to Massachusetts and marry a woman right now just so I can prove a point. Really, who gives a shit and what difference does it make? Oh wait, spouses can be covered under each other’s insurance plans and be entitled to pensions and property in the event of death. God forbid that an occasional estate doesn’t get turned over to the county instead of to someone who deserves it. *sigh*

I’m getting older, and I’ve already figured out that the whole “fairytale” bullshit ain’t happenin’ for me — the expectation of career, marriage, family and retirement is more a dream than a potential reality here, so I’ve gotta think outside the box. I sure haven’t met the man of my dreams yet (or, if I have, I just haven’t realized it yet), and I don’t know if ever I will (or if ever I will catch him!). Maybe my fate might be to end up with a woman (insert “Strangers With Candy”‘s Jeri Blank’s quote, “I like the pole AND the hole!” And if that’s how it works out, fine. I just want to know that I’m not going to be treated like a freak of nature by society if that’s how my life happens to unfold.

Actually, I just work on the second floor.

The flying coffins elevators have been acting up lately, so one of the chicks in H.R. sent us an e-mail to ask us to specifically outline any troubles we’ve had with the elevators.

So Shan sends this:

“Elevator problems I’ve encountered:

Uh, it brought me to the 2nd floor… :)”

Yeah, it’s a recurring problem, coming back every day for more!

I have the “Cram It” bunny as my desktop and, of course, the “Hi. Eat me!” bunny adorning my car window, but the quiz says I’m this bunny:

congratulations. you are the “you smell like
butt” bunny. your brutally honest and
always say whats on your mind.

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

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