Rejected title: ‘You ain’t gonna shit right for a week!’
My god, it is pandemonium out there in the stores today! I Everyone’s cranky and rude and literally shoving you out of the way if you take two minutes to figure out which brand of cat food you feel like buying. Sheesh.
I was in line at Wal-Mart today, and the woman behind me kept bumping me in the ass with her cart. Luckily, my ass is padded quite adequately, so it wasn’t that she was inflicting pain or anything. But seriously, I was just rocking back and forth on my feet, and the second I would lean forward, she would think I was moving and would move her buggy farther up my ass. And when I went to run my credit card in the machine, she knocked me off my feet one last time. I am not real pleasant anyway, but I finally turned around and said, “Can ya quit shoving the cart up my ass PLEASE?” She quickly apologized and didn’t move another inch till I had taken my bags and left the line. Asshole.
Then I got the bright idea that I feel like baking — money is tight this year, so I figured that maybe I should make some sweet treats for my friends (in hopes, I’ll admit, that they will acquire nice, cushy asses like mine after eating lots of cookies. LOL). Of course, I got everything but the Kahlua (to make Kahlua balls — Angie’s were such a hit at Shawn’s party that I’m going to try to replicate the recipe), but I’ll just do that tomorrow. At this late hour, I don’t much feel like baking.
I’m going to attempt to do my pretzel wreaths — they’re simple but tiring. What you do is dip the top of small pretzels into white chocolate and do two circles, one on top of the other and alternating. Then you take licorice strings and lace up the ends that aren’t dipped. I even bought red and green sprinkles to decorate the white chocolate. Yeah, I get into this shit sometimes. 🙂 Although, knowing me, the ingredients will sit here for the next year or two until I actually get up the energy to make them. 🙂
Shawn and I went to see “Bad Santa” yesterday at this theater on Wisconsin Avenue that we walked around for 15 minutes in the freezing cold, trying to find it. There are signs everywhere for it, but who’da thunk it that you’d have to go around the block and around the side of a building and down some steps to see the fucking theater?
Ahem.
In any event, it was a dark comedy (and totally up our alley). Our favorite line (and there were many to choose from) was when Billy Bob Thornton was butt-fucking a woman in a dressing room, and John Ritter as the store manager overheard Billy saying, “You ain’t gonna shit right for a week!” *snort* Beautiful, I tell you.
It’s just not Christmas for me this year. I used to adore the holiday — from the shopping to the decorating to the parties and gift exchanges. Now, it’s like I can barely get through the season. This year, everyone’s poor (including family), so we’ve all agreed to not exchange gifts. And I didn’t decorate, either. I’m not the slightest bit religious (other than screaming “Oh God” in bed sometimes — whether with or without a partner — thank you Radio Shack for your double A battery sale! LOL), so the meaning of the season is kind of lost on me anyway, especially without my own traditions in effect. That’s kind of why I wanted to do some baking — to at least make some holiday-related treats to give away (and to consume in mass quantities, of course!).
If anyone’s got any neat cookie recipes, though, I’d love to have them. Feel free to post ’em in the comments — Mom and I are going to do the “family” thing and do some baking when I trek up to Pittsburgh later this week.