Caterwauling

UPDATED

I’m pissed.

Went to Springfield Mall to go shoe shopping. Found two awesome pairs of boots at Payless, and when I went to check out, the lady behind the desk told me that it’s a buy two get one free deal, so I should go grab another pair (let me insert that this is my favorite shoe store for a reason!). As I was debating over a pair of white high-heeled boots, the male worker in the store accosted me (we’ll call him Al Bundy for the rest of the entry).

Apparently, Al Bundy has waited on me before and has developed a thing for me. He came right up to me and asked me out. I told him I was flattered but that I had to decline. Yadda yadda 20-questions-cakes. He wasn’t going away. So I said, look, I’m gay and I am not dating men right now.

Stupid stupid stupid. That is the WORST thing to say when you’re trying to get rid of somebody. Of COURSE he expressed interest in being invited to watch hot female-female action (which I obviously cannot provide, because I was saying I was dating someone just to be left to shoe shop in peace). He begged for my number, and I did the old, “I’m happy and I’m not looking for anyone else right now” schtick. So he asks me to stick around, and he gives me his number. He told me to call him at 5 p.m. so I could come over for dinner tonight.

Pest. Fucking pest. I took the number and put back the shoes and ran like hell. The lady at the register (who just saw me with about $40 worth of shoes that I’d fully been ready to buy) watched me duck out, and she looked startled.

I hate myself for putting back the shoes. It’s ridiculously hard to find hoof covers that I like, and it’s even harder to find them in an 8 1/2 (and I didn’t think it was a common size). The problem was, when he asked my name, I did my usual fake, “I’m Melissa!” But my dumb ass needed to pay with a credit card, and I didn’t want him having my real name so he could track me down with a simple Google search (that, and my name is NOT Melissa). I’m also mad because the Payless at Landmark Mall didn’t have the shoes in my size, and that’s why I trekked to Springfield in the first fucking place.

I called Mom when I was safely away from the store, and she said, “Honey, why don’t you just carry cash when you go out?” LOL

Now, I know I’m in for a lecture from at least one reader here, but I’m certain the next question will be, well, why didn’t you agree to go out with him? Lord knows there ain’t anybody else exactly beating down the door to come and sweep me off my feet.

The reasons are as diverse as I am (probably) bipolar. I believe in love at first sight, and all I felt was creeped out — I’ve worked enough retail to know better than to harass a customer for 20 minutes, begging them to go out with me (i.e., it’s a really good way to lose a sale, for one). Secondly, I’ve already enlighened you to my quirkyalone status (i.e., I’ve waited too long to just go for whomever’s asking at the time). Of course, it can be argued that I don’t need to be alone while I’m waiting for The One, but I’ve administered enough mercy fucks to last me a lifetime, and the person who’s less interested in the dating relationship hurts just as much as the one who’s always hoping for more.

And of course, it has run through my mind repeatedly how the types of people I’m interested in aren’t always interested in me, and this was a classic example tonight of how cruel the circle is. And the thing is, I am interested in a couple of people right now (always have a few in mind, because if it doesn’t work out with one, there is always the dream of someone else to soothe the heartache). On one hand, it is probably stupid for me to be waiting for something that may never happen, but on the other hand, if it can happen, I want to be free to let it.

In any event, I am PISSED that I didn’t just buy the shoes and take the loss on the free pair because I NEEDED those fucking boots!!! 😉 And of course, none of the other shoe stores had a single thing that held my interest. Damn it all anyway. 🙂

UPDATE

I went to the Payless website and registered my complaint:

I was just in your store in Springfield Mall (Springfield, VA) today (Sunday, Jan. 11, around 3 p.m.), and I had a shopping experience that will ensure that I never return to that store, although it is my favorite location. I had just picked up two pairs of boots (an impending $40 sale, when the woman behind the desk graciously reminded me that today is the last day for the buy-two-get-one-free promotion). I was thrilled and went back to the racks to look at another pair of shoes that I’d been debating about. Unfortunately, the male employee on the shift (who recognized me from previous visits) came up to me to ask me out on a date. I told him I was flattered but that I had to decline, and then he asked several questions about that (i.e., I couldn’t just say no but had to explain myself). After about 20 minutes, I was ridiculously annoyed and decided to put back the shoes (because I had to pay with a credit card, and I didn’t want him to have access to my name). He asked me if I would take his number (since I wouldn’t give him mine) and he asked that I call him tonight (I took the number and left the store empty-handed, and no, I did not call him). I don’t necessarily want to get him in trouble, but I did want to tell you that, unfortunately, a sale was lost because of this, and I really wish I had cash so I could have bought the boots and left the store in peace.

(*Line stolen from Sandra Bullock in “Hope Floats.”)

OK, it is fucking FREEZING outside. And of COURSE I couldn’t find parking in my lot when I arrived home 10 minutes ago. Bah.

Busy day. Kidnapped Shan from her evil mother-in-law long enough to go sign up for the National Body Challenge down at the Discovery store in Old Town. The MIL kept us waiting for hours, so I did some light shopping and picked up some ridiculously cute outfits for Alex while I wandered Landmark Mall.

I did get to visit with Alex — it’s so funny, but as soon as she hears my voice, she turns to me and is all smiles and giggles (she just turned five months old yesterday). I held her and fed her and we sat and chatted for the longest time. She’s quite the talkative one — she’s always got something to say when she isn’t eating her fist. 🙂

She’s a strong one — she loves to stand up on your thighs. Even though, of course, we’re holding her up, she’s really doing her part to ensure that she is standing up. She’s probably going to start walking before she crawls (apparently Shan walked first, too). I can’t get over how much I love that kid. Shan of course yelled at me for buying clothes for her (she gets mad when I spend money), but I couldn’t resist this ridiculously cute fuschia polar fleece sleeper (to match this adorable fleece hat her sister made for Alex), and of course a lovely blue sleeper from Carter’s (my mom bought her four sleepers and a bib last weekend, and we were bummed that her store didn’t have the blue sleeper in her size, so I grabbed it. Mom was pleased). Then I found this awesome black onesie with a lettuce-edged turtleneck and lettuce-edged sleeves (for $2.99 at Old Navy), and I had to have it. Shan loved it all — Alex has officially outgrown almost everything (13 pounds and counting!) she has, and Shan loves anything that has bold colors. I took a risk on the black, but she flipped and told me how much she has wanted to find black baby clothes for Alex (to wear under her cute, colorful polar fleece vests), so she was happy.

It is hysterical how easily Alex took to me (of course, she was hiding under the table every time Shan and I went out while she was baking). Shan always says that I saved Alex’s life — I practically dragged her to the hospital myself the week before she was born. As it happened, Shan went to the hospital (after my begging) and never left because they did a sonogram and saw the umbilical cord was wrapped around Alex’s neck. I would never in a million years take credit for saving Alex, but it was sweet to hear nonetheless. 🙂

What was REALLY hysterical was when the MIL arrived (hours late and with a friend who was not invited to Shan’s place). The friend snatched Alex out of my arms, and Alex began to really fuss and whimper. She kept looking at Shan and at me like, “Save me!” And the woman refused to give her back to me. Instead, she gave her to the MIL, and Alex (I’m not kidding) looked at her like, “You are SUCH an asshole!” And she fussed and whimpered again. It broke our hearts to leave Alex with her, even for the short period we were gone.

We were glad (although scared) to sign up for the Body Challenge. I certainly don’t want my story to be broadcast on the Discovery Channel, but there was something serious about having to get weighed in public and to now have my moves tracked by their fitness experts. There will be another weigh-in on March 31, but I’ll be out of state. We didn’t have to see what we weighed (it was written down), but I did look and I said, “Holy shit! Damn holiday feasts — all 18 years of them!” Everyone was laughing at that. I told Shan, “Damn, I’ve never seen quite that combination of numbers before — maybe we should play the lottery?” We both walked out, kind of disgusted with ourselves (we’ve both hit an all-time high weightwise). But this was the kick in the ass we need to start dieting. Tomorow, of course. 🙂

After the weigh-in, I was stuffed senseless by Carlos and Todd at a lovely dinner party, along with Shawn, Bryan, Paul and the adorable Mickey who is in from Canada. And of course we drank enough alcohol to irrigate the Sahara. And of COURSE I got my drink on the second I walked into my apartment. 🙂

I suppose that, tomorrow, I should get rid of all the cookies, licorice and other bad stuff that I always have in the house. *sigh* It’s going to be a riot to start to undo the three decades of rotten eating habits that I’ve perfected. Weep for me.