ARLINGTON/FALLS CHURCH/ALEXANDRIA VA
… WIND CHILL ADVISORY IN EFFECT UNTIL 11 AM SATURDAY…
IT’S FUCKING COLD! GET IN YOUR GODDAMNED WARM HOUSES AND STAY OFF THE ICY ROADS AND QUIT CAUSING ACCIDENTS, MOTHERFUCKERS!
MAKE SURE THAT ALL EXPOSED SKIN IS COVERED … UNLESS YOU’RE HOT AND IN DAWN’S BED. THERE, YOU ARE ENCOURAGED TO WEAR AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE.
You have just won one million dollars:
1. Who do you call first?
Mom. Of course, she’s like me and never picks up the phone, so the technical answer is “Mom’s answering machine.”
2. What is the first thing you buy for yourself?
Can you buy peace of mind? Failing that, I’m getting the best Powerbook under the sun, complete with Quark, Photoshop and any other pricey program I covet. Then I’m going to take my current computer into the shop and have it upgraded. Then I’m going to clean out my Amazon Wish List — only I’m gonna add a LOT more to it! (Like a Plasma TV.)
3. What is the first thing you buy for someone else?
Easy — my mom and grandfather have never lived in a house they owned, so I’d make that happen. Only thing is, I’d bring them down here with me and not leave them in Pittsburgh. I miss them!
4. Do you give any away? If yes, to whom?
Um, after the IRS takes its hefty chunk, I’ll need some tax write-offs. I’ve already worked for three screwed-up non-profits (securing donations for two of them), so I’ll pass on those. I’d probably send a few bucks to NARAL or Planned Parenthood, cancer research, mental health/illness research and maybe corporate Easter Seals (and not the affiliate I worked for!).
5. Do you invest any? If so, how?
I suppose so. But I don’t know nothin’ about saving money, so this question is lost on me.