… is the United States Postal Service!
I went to my P.O. Box yesterday, and in it was a birthday card from my mom. Look, I know she has no idea how old I am (29, but she’s been telling people I’m 30 for the past five years), but being that my birthday was back in, oh, MAY, I was confused. The postmark read Jan. 14.
So I called Mom today to ask her what the hell that was all about, and she said she sent it in May … and that there was CASH in it. She had forgotten all about it, although I do remember her asking way back then if I’d received her card.
In any event, when I opened the envelope, there was NO cash to be found — someone had steamed open the envelope, re-sealed it and put it in my box. The NERVE of those motherfuckers!!!
I remember chastising her for sending money through the mail (she’d told me back then that she had sent me some cash for my birthday so I could pay my phone bill, which was out of control). I cannot fucking BELIEVE the postal service is so shady.
I have had problems with them before. Years ago, I had sent a long letter to a friend, pouring my heart out about some very sensitive subjects. Months later, I received the envelope that contained said letter, but it came with a note that the envelope was damaged and that there was nothing in it. Um, I don’t THINK so. I used to decorate my envelopes with stickers and little made-up song lyrics and personal jokes, and I think someone got curious and wanted to see what else I had to say.
And they WONDER why we have all reverted to e-mail!!! Yeah, keep raising the cost of stamps, motherfuckers. I hope the Internet puts your fucked-up monopoly out of business within the next decade.