Caterwauling

Some of this month’s top searches to date that led them into the abyss of my carbohydrate-craving psyche:

Wash the coochie

LOL — One of my all time favorite songs. Find it on my server here.

And it’s always raining in my head lyrics staind

The song’s called “Epiphany” my friend. Excellent taste in music, although “Wash the Coochie” kicks its ass anyday.

As she ate her sister’s shit

Um. … And did they search for the next term?

Aunt placed me over her lap

Jesus H. And then what?

Daddy vibrates my vagina

Sick fucks. Incest is best, relatively speaking (apparently).

Cats poop on carpet when pissed off

You really need to read Maddie’s site for tales of pissy pussies who poop and puke on demand.

Cuz your coochie stank

Um. *sniff* Freshly washed, as always. Move along.

Fat shit cat

Maddie can help you better than I can.

Grim reaper dancing in pitchers

In PITCHERS? I tend to dance BECAUSE of what’s IN the pitchers myself.

Halushki

Umm, cabbage and noodles. … (fucking carbs)

Handcuffs try them on

When ya comin’ over to try them out?

How do geminis survive a breakup

Easy. Show them the door. Go fuck someone else. Amazing what a hot piece of ass can do to dissipate any residual anger.

How do mountain people keep warm\houses clothes

I’m sure they snuggle up and fuck a lot. No clothing necessary.

Hurricane isabella pepco

Can’t speak for Pepco, but Dominion didn’t impress me in the least. Damn week without electricity and hot showers.

King of the veggie patch

Ah, the CEO of my company!

Kitty porn

What Maddie downloads when I’m at work.

Liz claiborne cat collars

And Maddie is adorable in hers. You just can’t see it through her mass of fur.

TGI Fuck Day

Who’s offering?

Janet Jackson’s boob on Craig’s List

Was it detachable? Fifty cents, and that’s my final offer.

Counselors for OCD in Ireland

I happen to be able to help you: OCD Ireland, courtesy of a dear old friend across the Pond.

Glad to be of service.

I came home tonight to find a door hanger placed there by the apartment company, telling me that maintenance had entered the premises. They of course did not list WHY these yin-yangs came in and scared my cats. All I can figure is that they went on the balcony (they didn’t put the window bar back where it belonged) and left my deadbolt unlocked when they left. God damn them … I take care of my place and would like to come back to all my belongings here and not stolen by someone who could’ve gotten in to either door. Fuckers.

I’m embroiled in battle at the Veggie Patch with a “leader” who wants to take over the newspaper. Insert that bitch on wheels is already a column editor and couldn’t write a declarative sentence properly even if it could save the ozone layer. She is trying to organize/found an editorial board that would oversee our activities, from hiring practices to content to whatever the hell else she wants to control.

Let’s just say that, after eight epic e-mails from me, and I’ve heard not word one from either of my superiors. Eight. I am so against this woman’s politics and personal political agendas that I would rather hand in my resignation than report to her EVER.

I need to buy some memory for my Mac at home (so I can work there more often and escape the assholitry that eats up my workdays). Any suggestions on which brands to buy and what kind of cost it will be? (I need a shitload of memory — I’m gonna bite the bullet and buy Panther).