Caterwauling

OK, as an IKEA armchair critic, I am having a hell of a hard time figuring out who gets my vote tonight. Typically, the judges mix strong performers with mediocre ones during these initial audience-vote nights, but I have seen three out of six (so far) who are worthy of my vote.

I agree thus far with the judges that the male performers have given fairly vanilla performances. I know someone’s not going to make it if I find myself singing along with them (i.e., Erksine with “Open Arms” and Marque with a really good but not-star-quality “Wind Beneath My Wings”). But when I get chills (i.e., with Jennifer Hudson, Katie Webber and Diana DeGarmo), I know I want them to advance to the next round. I could listen to Ashley and like her, but in this pool of talent, she kind of falls toward the middle of the crop.

*commercial break*

Hmm, that Matt guy is kind of hot. Doability factor: 10. Song: 10 (one of my favorites: Marc Cohn’s “Walking in Memphis). Talent: 8 — he (or maybe it’s the Karaoke music) makes it sound like a showtune, and this is a soulful song. But his voice is okay — I think it could be stronger. Next.

Fantasia sounds like a nitwit in interviews, but we’ll see how she does, because the voice is incredible, even if I don’t enjoy watching her.

Hmm. I think I’m voting for Jennifer. Who are YOU rooting for?

I try not to be a bitch about this, but my company REALLY needs to hire cleaning crews that comprehend simple instructions like “DO NOT DISTURB,” which I have EMBLAZONED across my office door handle.

I just watched the cleaning lady start sticking her key into my door (under the fucking sign), so I told her nicely to go away because I’m smoking working. It’s bad enough I have to be here late, but to not be smoking is just wrong. I need to learn simple commands in Spanish like “go the fuck away or I will kill you.” Anyone out there who can help me translate?

In today’s hoe mail bag:

Dear Alumna:

… Point Park College is now officially Point Park University. … You may be wondering how to acquire a new diploma that reflects Point Park’s new name. In October, you will receive information about purchasing a new diploma at the price of $30.”

Um, no I wasn’t wondering, and no, I am not spending $30 for another friggin’ diploma to collect dust in my bookcase with the other one. And am I the only one who finds it funny that their new acronym is PPU?

Update

Of course, that wasn’t as bad as the other piece of mail I got from my alma mater today — an application to study with the Radio City Rockettes. Hah! I should apply. Watch me fall on my ass and snap those little twiggy dancers in half. 🙂 I know the Rockettes dance in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade … I always figured, if I were ever in the parade, I could just be the Garfield float.