Caterwauling

Krispy Kreme plans low-sugar alternative.

Damn, I’ve been missing those hot, glazed wonders. *drool*

Ooh, I am simmering.

I wrote a letter yesterday, trying to contact an actor who won an Oscar recently. This actor said something that directly relates to the work I do, and I wanted an interview. Shan got the actor’s publicist’s address, and I think I wrote a brilliant, sincere plea for an interview — the secret, of course, is to congratulate the thespian in question. I’ve written hundreds of letters like this. Worked most of the time, too. Shan and I had also had a secondary thought of getting the actor to come to our upcoming conference (as we have NO keynote speaker!), but the way shit stalls in upper management around here, we’d be on our 2006 conference before I got approval to send THIS letter!

Well, King Kumquat (Cruise Director of Club Medicated) cornered me today and told me that I am to do absolutely no outreach. “Even though that’s your ‘thing’,” he snarled, seemingly making fun of me for having passion and ability for something other than vegetating for eight hours a day. I was thinking What. The. Fuck?!?! Was he serious? He related it to our upcoming conference, that I am to do nothing for the conference other than my job. “Your job is to be editor of (The Veggie Patch Gazette), not to do outreach for the event.” (Hey asshole, I’m also working on the opening ceremonies. Get over it!)

The unfortunate part is that this was witnessed by one of my staff members. You know, normally I would never endorse humiliating someone in front of their staff, but I derived some eerie satisfaction from my staff realizing that I am not making this shit up when I pass along tales of caution — it’s not that I discourage excellence (I accept nothing less) but I do remind my wards that mediocrity is what is rewarded and that innovation gets you patted on the head with a steel spike.

The only thing that makes me feel better was that I was ranting about Cruise Director when he appeared. See, we were contacted two days ago to say, “(Cruise Director) would like to meet with you for 10 or 15 minutes to see how things are going and to get your ideas.” Fucking yeah, whatever. Twenty-four hours later, we got our (Cruise Director) annual performance evaluation forms (that they claim are confidential), and one of the many items to rate him on is “Open to New Ideas/Shows Respect For Others and Their Ideas.” *snerk* Coincidence that he suddenly wanted to hear our ideas? Fucking bullshit.

Yeah, it’s “my thing” to want to do promotions and outreach. But god forbid I do anything that might help this company out of its downward spiral — god forbid I volunteer my talents and initiative and EXPERIENCE to help this shithole out. He acted like I have a disease that might be contagious — yeah, as if anyone around here would want to be bitten by any bug that might make them want to do something other than sitting on their asses and playing solitaire!!!

The same questions from March 7, 2003, here to grace us again but hopefully with new answers!

1. What was the last song you heard?

“Here Without You,” Three Doors Down

2. What were the last two movies you saw?

“The Butterfly Effect” and “The Craft”

3. What were the last three things you purchased?

Groceries, a pair of shoes and lots of shit from Wallyworld

4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?

Clean the bathroom, go see the Pointer Sisters at Nation with the boys (our friend is a backup dancer, so we’re really going to see him!), pay bills and masturbate. Although, not in that particular order!

5. Who are the last five people you talked to?

Pussy Demure!TM (who is leaving town today and not coming back till April! woo hoo!), Angie, Shan, Ted and a travel agent (to get plane tickets to Kansas City later this month. Yay).