This hits too close to home, given that I was out doing P.R. for my new business today (a P.R. business, incidentally). Boy, do I have fresh opinions on all of these questions!
If you…
1. …owned a restaurant, what kind of food would you serve?
American food. And some Irish cuisine. Best to bring in the heavy drinkers and then offer nice, filling food for them to munch on before they go out scaring innocent pedestrians. 🙂 But I would at least play different kinds of music and get some theme nights going (music, dancing, food, etc.) to mix shit up and try to attract the customers with money to burn.
2. …owned a small store, what kind of merchandise would you sell?
Probably jewelry. It’s cheap and easy to make, and you can sell it at a big profit because people are dumb enough to pay for just about anything that says “hand-crafted.” I might also have to specialize in books and coffee, too — maybe offer Anais Nin/Henry Miller-type books and a damn good latte to help you swallow it!
3. …wrote a book, what genre would it be?
Erotica. Like you couldn’t have guessed!
4. …ran a school, what would you teach?
I would teach kids in their mid-teens life skills — I was a super-smart kid who was bored witless all the time and was never really challenged in my academic work, not to mention that I lacked the common sense gene that could have kept me from running up massive amounts of credit card debt. I’d like to save kids before they fuck things up for themselves like I did — ’cause I will be paying for my mistakes for at least the next 20 years!
5. …recorded an album, what kind of music would be on it?
Lesbian angst rock, I’m sure, a la Melissa Etheridge, Ani DiFranco and the Lilith Fair genre. Of course, I might have to make some house/techno songs too, because I cannot live with ballads alone — I’d want to do stuff like Arthur Loves Plastic, whom we happen to be going out to see tomorrow night at Cafe Japone! Come out and join us!!!