No, there were no questions on the suckage that has become the official Friday Five, but instead Sir Scott has shown me the light or, rather, at least a non-mindnumbing set of ponderables, courtesy of the ever-insightful Doug.
1. If you were a type of liquor, which would it be, and why? What brand would you be?
Reminds me of a joke my grandmother used to tell — “How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? By the ears!”
Ahem. If that were the case, I’d be Beefeater.
But if I were a sweet, sticky gooey substance (and indeed I am), I might liken myself to Amaretto (Di Saronno, natch!) or Vanilla Stoli.
2. What is the most embarrassing CD in your music collection, and when is the last time you listened to it?
I really don’t have a CD I hide when company’s coming over, although I do have some guilty pleasures on iTunes like 50 Cent’s “In Da Club (Nine Inch Nails mix)” and its counterpart, “In Da Tub,” re-done by Bert & Ernie (“I’m into sitting down/I’m not into standing up/So come give me a hug/If you’re into getting scrubbed!”)
Alas, I have no shame whatsoever. :):
3. If they still had traveling circuses (and god dammit why don’t they!), what would be your favorite freak and why?
There are no traveling circuses because my employer is the last of a dying breed. Although I’d sooner call it “a short mobile home with its wheels shot off” than a “traveling circus.” Semantics aside, though, we will be traveling to our conference next week, so alas, the metaphor fits.
In any event, my favorite freak would be the bearded lady. For those of you who know my boss, well, there you have it.
4. Fill in the blanks: _____ is dumb, but ______ is really freakin’ stupid!
Ow. This hurts my little brain. I agree with Scott that the latter answer should encompass the population of West Virginia, although I really need to stick a Dubya in there somewhere. Same with my little cat Kadi — she’s a think tank on four paws. Oh, wait, that’s a stink tank (flatulent beast). Hmm. I’ve got a thousand work-specific references to insert here, but I’m trying to be nice (and not have to tell long, boring stories!).
How about little dogs picking fights with big dogs at the doggie park is dumb, but Richard Simmons bitch-slapping a fellow airline passenger who made a snark about “Sweating to the Oldies” is really freakin’ stupid?
5. What is the last thing you read in the bathroom?
The bitch on the throne is presently reading the book “The Bitch in the House,” which was a lovely gift from Leslie. I also read the newspaper I edit when I just don’t have enough shit to inspire me. …