1. The Marines look HOT in tight pants. Even when they’re not cute per se, their lust factor increases when you see how snug their trousers are. *drool* I salute you!
2. Please Stand to the Right. We even make T-shirts to remind you that just like when you’re driving, the left is the passing lane. Outta my way!
3. Do you really need to have lengthy cell phone conversations during the ride? From what I ascertained, the guy next to me was meeting the person on the other end of the phone after the ride. Oh, and the baby talk? Nobody else finds it endearing. Sheesh.
4. Bathe. Use deodorant. Spritz yourself with something from the Bath & Body Works sample table. Treat it as a public service.
5. Dear god, is it necessary to nap against the windows? I don’t like being two inches from your hair gel droppings when I take your seat.
6. A large fuck-you to the Starbucks at the Farragut North metro stop. Seriously, I bought a decaf, walked over to the table where all the coffee stir-ins are, and the pimply teen-ager who was closing tonight jerked all the creamers off the table and put them away before I got to the station. I went to the counter to ask for creamer, and the kid got annoyed with me and said they were closing. Another worker graciously busted out the half-and-half and hooked me up, for which I was grateful, but still — could the first one at least have asked if I needed anything before he snatched it away? I didn’t need the fucking coffee — I just wanted to break a $20 to pay for parking.
7. This was the first night that I didn’t get into a fight with the parking attendant at the Van Dorn stop — parking is $3, and usually I hand him a $20 and he bitches me out. Today I handed him three singles, and he smiled at me. Must’ve remembered me from the last 40 times we got into an argument over how he supposedly didn’t have enough change for me, whereupon my standard retort is that ATMs only dispense $20s, so if he didn’t have change, then he shouldn’t charge me.
My college university held a little get-together for D.C.-area alumni tonight at the Capital Hilton. It was small and cozy. I was shocked that some of the employees actually remembered me. I figured it was going to be an ambush a la Mary Kay Amway, where they do a big push for donations. It was a small push, granted, but mostly an information-sharing event about all the progress the institution is making and how they want us to attend Alumni Weekend in September. Anywho, I was impressed with their milestones and goals, although it kind of sucks that I will never benefit from all the new programs and locations they are opening. They have some new master’s programs that sound appealing, but as I am dodging the student loan officers because of my default account, I shall never be back in school again. In any event, they treated me like a success story, and it’s nice to know that, even though I know my job is total bullshit sometimes, it sounds really good to the people who trained me in my professional career of choice (for now). My old adviser wasn’t there, but she had told the president to catch me and say hello for her. How ’bout that? I almost wept. Well, not really, but it was refreshing to be among people who actually thought I might be capable of achieving something. Wish I could say the same for my employer!