Caterwauling

I am going to develop a new rating system for my daily commutes. Today, we start with the two-coffee commute.

But first, allow me to say that I would kick my own ass if only I could reach it (will settle for banging shin instead) for not bringing a trough thermos of java along for today’s ride, because it was a tough one.

I measure the difficulty of travel by the coffee mug. If it’s empty by the time I get to the Potomac River, it’s a horrid commute. Similarly, if it’s full by the time I pull in the parking lot at Dream Job, that indicates a crap commute because it meant I had to have both hands on the steering wheel to maneuver the chaos the entire time.

Today, I was in la-la land. I-395 was a bee-yotch because my dumb ass spent waaayyy too much time in the shower. (Read: Dolphin. And no, I am not referring to myself as Shamu or some other water creature, although I can see the resemblance some days! I mean my waterproof dolphin. *wink*) In any event, I learned the harsh lesson to Never. Ever. Leave. The. House. Past. 8 a.m. Because. Traffic. Is. HIDEOUS!

I was kind of riding my own melt, listening to some music that I plan to post later or tomorrow (you will see why my driving is bad. That’s all I have to say about THAT right now!). I was sitting in the Exit 8 lanes for freaking ever and nearly missed 8B when it crept up after 40 fucking minutes of riding the brake. And it’s crucial to get into the appropriate lane within the exit as well at 8B. So I goofed and went right when I needed to go left. And I am not one of those chucklefucks who shoots to the front of the backed-up lane and squeaks in. Oh, no. I try to be a good citizen and sneak in front of somebody at the waaay back.

But he, in his urban assault vehicle, clearly was inching forward to prevent me from, well, LIVING THROUGH THIS. I hung out for a few tries and even turned my head and hands into prayer and implored him. He wasn’t having it. So, I snuck up another two car lengths and was let in by a lovely woman who was reading the newspaper. Heh.

OK, so another 15 minutes later, I finally got on the GW. So, apparently, did Urban Assault, because he TAILGATED ME TO MARYLAND. A couple of times, I tried to change lanes (I tend to hang out in the passing lane — I need to fly at 75 mph to make up for time lost in Virginia — that’s the only way to keep the commute reasonable), but he would see my turn signal and drift over. So I’d give it up. Although, I admit I saw him trying to go past me, and I took a curve really wide (I straddled both lanes) and totally infuriated him.

Oh, and he had a big “W” sticker in his window, for my beloved liberal readers out there. 😉

Anyway, I know I screwed up on the exit. I KNOW I should have been paying attention and not dreaming out the window. I KNOW I shouldn’t get distracted by pretty, shiny planes in their ascents and descents to/from DCA. But, for shit’s sake, if I could have hit Apple-Z, I would have. If I could have reversed it and gone to the back of the line, I would have.

That’s a huge problem around here — people KNOW an exit is coming up and tend to bypass the people who moved at the proverbial snail’s pace, which is INFURIATING. Believe me, I sat in that f’ing exit lane for a LONG time before I goofed. I don’t deserve to be KILLED if I fuck up. Of course, I say this knowing I did the same damned thing to an Expedition at the 8A exit earlier. 🙂

In any event, on an unrelated note, recent reader mail indicates that I talk in circles and/or that I talk about nothing here. Sadly, y’all are right. It’s easy to bitch about a commute that, while it shortens my lifespan, really doesn’t bother me because I love where I’m going. Believe me, I want to write more. But lately, I’ve been having conversations with my Muse, and she’s either got some really good hash or she might just be on to something; in either event, she’s keeping me in line. She brought back the Dawn I used to be — the Dawn I lost so many months ago. But it’s more like Dawn 2.0. And maybe, the writings I can’t share now will be in my autobiography. 😉 So, hang in there and bear with — because I think I am getting closer to fine, to steal a lyric from the Indigo Girls. 🙂

On iTunes: Melissa Ferrick, “Drive”

Ice scraper: $12
De-icer: $6 (?)
Crawling through one’s trunk to get inside a frozen car: Priceless

Take a moment to get the visual. I’ll be here when your hysterical laughter subsides.

Thanks to today’s shit rain/sleet/snow storm, my beloved Samantha’s doors were happily frozen shut when I went out to my car this evening. Typically, I can pull an ice scraper out of the trunk and use it for leverage, but neither door would open. So, I hauled ass into the trunk and through the backseat. Don’t ever say I lack ambition. 😉

A part of me wanted to go back inside and find a big, strong man to help me to yank one of the doors open. Another part of me didn’t want to be a “girl” and need help — I am nothing if not resourceful!

The funny part? My boss was parked almost directly behind me. I had horrible fears of being seen in the parking garage with my ass hanging out of the back of my car. Thank goodness he didn’t walk out at the same time I did, although I am sure he wouldn’t have let me make an ass (punny!) out of myself the way I did. 😉

Note to self: Buy some freaking de-icer. And return to wearing jeans for the drive, because while I do wear cute underwear, I don’t expect it to be seen!

On iTunes: Eagles, “One of These Nights”

“American Idol”: I cast a plethora-o-votes to Travis, Anwar, Carrie and Jessica. Results tomorrow. Squee!

Remember how I was looking for Yohji? I found it online but I don’t know how reputable the store is or how old the product is. But, I found the honest-to-goodness perfume and not the lotions and gel and such — seems most places are sold out of it. I will buy it next payday. w00t!

And, because the ladies asked, my new shoes:

On iTunes: CCR, “Mustang Sally”

I’ve started this entry a thousand times, but the thoughts are spilling out faster than my fingers can type, and I doubt they’d even make sense even if I could string them together.

It’s not that I lack anything to say; quite the contrary, I’ve got a million visions and questions swirling around like a tropical storm. And that’s when I find it hardest to write — when I know I have something to say and believe I simply can’t do it justice with a mere compilation of words. I’ve spent my whole life talking … I’m ready to start doing.

The puzzle pieces are coming together. Information comes your way and you wonder what would have happened if you hadn’t gutted your life and gotten the ability to begin it again. And you know you have information to add, but you know that it will surface in due time. It’s like the roads in the parallel universe in which I seem to have found myself eventually intersect with a place where I can belong. And, I have never belonged anywhere before. Maybe it would bring me the peace I’ve so desperately sought.

John asked me recently what I would do if I could be doing anything in the world right at that very moment. I’d said I wanted to be present with someone. And while the original vision I’d had in my mind was a powerful one, tonight I wish I could be in the same room with my best friend. I wish Shan and I were back at the Bennigan’s, firing off business ideas at a rate of a thousand miles a minute. We never picked up more men in our lives than we did then — we were so immersed in our conversation and in absolutely feeding off of each other that we didn’t even see the men who were lined up to talk to us. Lined up! They were fascinated by us — we weren’t falling all over ourselves because they were interested. And that made them crazy … they had to capture our attention in any way they could. And, for us, we weren’t impressed unless they could make a valiant effort to keep up with us. LOL.

There was this one dude I always called Gnat — I would call him that to his face. Shan and I covered it smoothly by saying he reminded us of our friend “Nat” who, of course, didn’t exist. I almost miss him, irritating though he was. And I miss D.J. Jazzy Jeff (the disc jockey — I have no idea what his real name was). I missed us being the stars of our own show — I miss knowing that Shan and I would see each other every day and that we always had each other’s backs. I need to see her — there has to be a way that we can live in the same city again someday. And I miss my family, too. There are good things here for me in the city where I am now — I know it. But surviving with your heart broken in several pieces, scattered among many places, is a hard way to live.

But, there is some healing on the horizon. I feel it. There are things in life that you just know. I just haven’t felt safe enough to let myself dream of better days. I tend to put off dreaming until other things are done — I promise to reward myself with happy thoughts. But that just means I’m uninspired while I’m trudging through the mundane. I’m going to visualize being a star again … I’m going to picture what it will be like to shine again. Right now, the dream is all I have, and I can’t deny myself that any longer.

On iTunes: Eve f/Alicia Keys, “Gangsta Lovin”

I feel pretty. 🙂 I have new shoes! And they were ON SALE!!!!

They’re open-toed, and it occurs to me that I really should have painted my toenails. Sheesh. I just wasn’t expecting it to be 65 degrees and sunny today! But, alas, it’s an “Idol” night, and that’s pedicure night. And of course it will be raining tomorrow and I shall retire my new strappy black heels until warmer weather wants to stay.

Unrelated, remember my Dream Journal? I wrote The. Best. I. Have. Ever. Written. In. My. Life. last night, and I can’t share it. Waah. You’ll just have to settle for this drivel until I get WordPress installed! 😉

On iTunes: BT, “Simply Being Loved”

I ran down to Nordstrom’s in Pentagon City today because I wanted to treat myself to some Yohji perfume (by Yohji Yamamoto). But Nordstrom’s quit carrying it. I am a fragrance addict, and this is at the top of my wish list (because I sniffed my beloved Ralph Lauren Romance on someone at work and I simply cannot have my signature scent be on someone else! Just kidding — I have 10 other scents that are “mine,” too.)

To my locals: Anybody know where can I buy it? I can’t seem to find it online, either.

On iTunes: Houston f/Chingy, “I Like That”

So I bought a new journal yesterday — I cal it my Dream Journal. It’s black with a pink ribbon. Matches my Liz Claiborne bag that’s black with pink lining and also my purse (the latter of which, admittedly, is not a Liz or a Nine West like most of the rest of my stuff but, alas, from K-mart). I’ve been on a black-and-pink kick for a year before it became all the rage in the boutiques, and I’ll probably cling to it for a long time to come. Or, until black and cobalt blue becomes hot. 🙂

In any event, I’d spoken some time ago about moving the blog elsewhere. And that day will come, I’m sure, because now that my brand-new license plates mention that I am a blogger, well, I am afraid I will get even more visitors who might not be so appreciative of my humor. But that’s where the Dream Journal comes in — I don’t have to keep all the madness to myself any more!

Now, to figure out when I will have time to write in it. 😉

I did write in it last night, though. And I’m kind of doing it as convolutedly as I do the blog some days — it’s another place where I can debate concepts, although I don’t have the benefit of sane readers being able to comment on it. 🙂 But I did want to share an excerpt from it. Maybe you can benefit:

“I never finish a fantasy. And, for a number of years, I didn’t have many fantasies — it’s as if the sides of my brain declared war on each other. The creative side would stir, and the rational side would strike. But, it’s like Shan and I say about ideas — keeping them locked inside makes them go stale. We should always be generating — and giving away — our ideas (particularly to those who are as appreciative of initiative as we are). Same goes with dreams, I guess. (Our original thought process dies) with us, and we shouldn’t allow (the dreams we did have) to die within us. And, I don’t want to leave this world without having changed it. …

And, so I will. …”

(Editor’s note: Detail stripped out or phrases crafted way better now that I am typing.)

In any event, I’m so tired of Gloom and Doom. I’m an only child, and those are not my chosen playmates. They came a-knockin’ and I let them in, but it’s time to toss those freeloading fucknuts out onto the street where they belong.

I’m going to try to see what life can be like when I expect the best. I’ve always lived by the creed of expecting the worst and hoping for the best, in the event I would be prepared. But, guess what? I’ve faced my worst (to date), and I wasn’t ready for it. In fact, I immersed myself in a “Well, doesn’t this figure?” type of thinking. Screw that. I’d rather live out loud (to steal a phrase from Anna Quindlen) and not die inside, as I seem to have briefly permitted myself to do.

And my dream book? I expect it to be my roadmap, because I don’t want to be lost anymore. And like the headlines read last week after the Nationals won the very first game they played, I, too, am launching my undefeated season … starting right now.

Dream along with me, if you dare. … 😉

On iTunes: Reba McEntire, “Talking in Your Sleep”

Highway truisms on the loose
11. Take photos during your drive. People will get the fuck out of your way. (Editor’s note: read installments one and two of the other truisms at your own risk.)

This one’s for the locals. 🙂

395
Mmm, gridlock at my favorite exit.

Look how fast you can drive on this highway!

Remember when I told you I watch planes take off? See the top of the pic. Or, like Pratt said, that’s just my new ride with the missile launchers and the flamethrowers! (Good one, doll!)

The GW Parkway on a snowy morn’
We won’t talk about the hydroplaning I did when these were shot. 🙂

270
And my favorite place on earth (*gag*), the I-270 Spur

I really do like my time in the car. That’s my time to think and dream and be creative. And now, I can multi-task. Related, did you hear about the library that lends out iPod shuffles with pre-loaded audiobooks? My birthday’s coming up soon (29+2) if you’re looking for a great gift for a gal on the go. 😉

*Yes, I do listen to country. Especially when I’m driving. Shut up. 🙂

On iTunes: Lenny Kravitz, “Again”

Since Thursday’s post, I have two additions:

Highway Truisms
10. People with diplomat plates need to learn how to drive in America or be deported. And yes, tht includes natural-born citizens. Diplomatic immunity clearly equals unbridled assholitry. (For those who couldn’t understand my previous audioblog because I had Lenny Kravitz blaring in the background, I got cut off by a carload-o-diplomats, the driver of which was addressing me in the rearview mirror to calm down. If he hadn’t jumped out of the Lady Bird Johnson exit lane and scared the sanity out of me, I might have been more forgiving. Or, not. LOL)

Bonus TMI Truisms
3. My waterproof dancing dolphin? Takes all the pain away. As does my new Mini Tongue. I’ve decided to give up the toy sales biz and just enjoy my $400 worth of products, and that is the reason why my lips are smiling (all of them). *slaps own wrist*

On iTunes: Lenny Kravitz, “I Belong To You”

Meet Dawn before coffee. Or, don’t. Yeah, I’d skip this one if I were you. 😉

On iTunes: Lenny Kravitz, “Can’t Get You Off My Mind”