Caterwauling

As seen at Irk’s:

Your Stripper Song Is

Closer by Nine Inch Nails “You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no Soul to tell” When you dance, it’s a little scary – and a lot sexy.

What Song Should You Strip To?

Not for lack of anything to write about, but rather for lack of being *able* to do a thoughtdump of the caliber I so crave right now, here are some things that have caught my eye ’round the Net:

Presidential Speechologist (*bwahahaha*)

Young earners face intense financial challenge. This is to promote a new book, “Strapped: Why America’s 20- and 30-Somethings Can’t Get Ahead.” Can I hear an amen from my fellow “bouncers”?

Somewhat related, Execs and managers more satisfied than workers.

The nutfuck anti-abortionists are in town. You know, the same ones who want to protect the lives of the unborn but who have no problem murdering anyone who happens to have *performed* an abortion in his or her career. I say keep abortion legal — and keep this crowd from procreating. PLEASE. These are the same people who protest gay unions — say it with me, THAT group would never need that surgical procedure, would it now?

On a lighter note, did you see Drew Barrymore’s “SNL” skit? After showing off her golden globes well, AT the Golden Globes (let’s just say that her ‘actresses’ needed ‘support’ — and lots of it), this was a well-timed and well-orchestrated nod to her need for a boulder-holder.

“Queer Eye” will make over your office. I started to contact them till I realized I’m a twee bit outside the 25-mile radius of Manhattan. *drat* My team would be funny as hell on TV.

For fellow “American Idol” junkies — the show will go into syndication this fall, with episodes to be remixed with highlights. Sweet!

From T-shirt Hell, a new shirt that’s sure to offend … FEMA.

Reader Poll Monday:

1. When did it become OK to spend $5 on a stupid cup of coffee?
Not until SBUX released the cinnamon dolce lattes. Because I held out for a long fucking time on frou-frou drinks until earlier this month, when I was downing those bad boys like they were an IV drip in Aspen. Because it’s cold there and regular coffee costs you the same damn price, so I decided to live a little. But I haven’t been able to justify scraping that much cash together for one fucking drink since then.

2. And $2 on a bottle of water?
That’s discount water — I just paid $3 for a fucking 16-ounce bottle and I was ready to throw it at the cashier when she told me how much it cost.

3. What color are your eyes?
Green.

Well, mostly.

One’s green and one’s hazel. They’re both rimmed in blue. So, in effect, my eyes are every color, depending on whatever I’m emoting that day (pale and moss-like on a day like today; emerald when I’m fired up or mischevious; blue-green when I’m mildly amused and brown when I’m in a funk). My grandmother used to love it when my eyes turned brown — she could tell me that I was full of shit and get away with it. 😉

4. What is the last thing you purchased?
I almost bought CK’s new Euphoria fragrance, but instead I was good and only bought a pair of jeans on clearance at Old Navy for $7.50 and a work blazer at Hecht’s that I’ve been wanting all season — it was marked down to $12.50 and there was ONE left — IN MY SIZE — when I stopped off at the mall on Friday night when traffic was backed up and I wanted a place to hide for awhile. Yay traffic!

5. Do you think celery and carrots belong in chicken noodle soup?
Hell no. Noodles and broth. Extra noodles, damn it. And mozzarella cheese — I *~*heart*~* cheese in soup.

6. You’ve got a 30 minute ride on the subway, would you rather sit beside someone who is clipping their fingernails or someone who is cracking their gum?
*shudder* I’ll take the gum-cracker, because I’d pull out a piece of citrus-mint Orbit and give them a run for their money in the annoyance department. If a fingernail clipping happened to land on me, I’d strongly suggest reading the headlines the next day for “Woman murders moron on subway, fingernail clipper found lodged in victim’s trachea.”

7. Do you have a dream list of gadgetry? If so, what’s on it?
First and foremost, a MacBook Pro. A laptop in general, really. It’ll probably end up being an iBook ’cause that’s the cheapest of the Mac laptop line.

In my dreams, however, I’d be surrounded by computers of every type (on the Mac platform, thanks), jammed full of all the best design software there is. I have Quark, but my copy is damaged and I don’t have the startup disk. I have Office but Excel is missing some component and it doesn’t work. I have InDesign but again, something’s screwy and it’s a pirated copy unfixable at present. If I didn’t have Photoshop, I’d probably kill myself.

Other gadgets (not software-related)? Anything you can think of. I’d love a flat-screen monitor. I’d also love a TV that doesn’t have to WARM UP before I watch it. (It’s Old, capital O.) Shit, a plasma TV would be divine — I love love love my black entertainment center, but that bitch is heavy and I need to move soon so I’d gladly give it up.

Seriously, I’d be an early-adopter of technology if only the cash flow hadn’t flown out of my account before it even got there.

8. When is the last time you cleaned your bathroom mirror?
(*hides face*). I scrubbed the tub last night, but the mirror’s been lacking attention for a month — when one of my four vanity bulbs burned out. When I replace the bulb, I’ll clean the mirror.

9. What is the last thing you do before you walk out the door in the mornings?
I pack a bag with work clothes (I drive 35 miles each way — I wear jeans and sneakers so my hoo-ha doesn’t freeze and I abhor driving in heels) and makeup, grab my portable coffee cup and say goodbye to the kittehs.

10. Ask me something.
What’s the most memorable dining experience you’ve had recently, outstanding in a good way or otherwise?