To whom it concerns

April 20th, 2006, 6:21 PM by Goddess

As you know, I’m unearthing little notes I’ve written to myself throughout the years. (See here for an example.)

I came a cross a lot of stuff today that made me cry, some that made me laugh and even more that made me cringe. My favorite, though, was the alphabetical list of reasons I wrote declaring why I hate somene. Heh. It still holds true. 😉

But in any event, I found two Post-It Notes, undated, in the file cabinet I finally decided to throw over the balcony away. What a lucky person this was who never realized any of this. Hope he’s happy in his oblivion. I’ll never know if I was right to keep all of this to myself, but then again, I’m not a girl who gets her hopes up, so let’s write it off as better kept to myself.

In any event, though, I hope I can have these types of feelings again someday:

Is it strange that just an ordinary conversation between us occurs, and when we part — for hours upon hours afterward — suddenly I’m reliving every moment like Diane Lane while she was on the train in “Unfaithful”? During the nights after I run into him, no many hours have passed, I can’t sleep — aside from mentally imprinting every detail he’d seen fit to give me about himself and those that I’d picked up on my own, my mind is filled with a thousand things I didn’t say and don’t know if I ever could.

Damn. Who needed drugs and alcohol when such a high came free?

The other note reads:

I can work myself into such a frothy fit about so many pain-inducing things, but just a random glance or smile from him stops all of that in its tracks. He can ask me how I am, and no matter what had been plaguing me previously, it just melts away. And I can say, in all honesty, that everything really is fine.

Do you ever stop and wonder if anyone ever felt this way toward you? What would you have done? Would you have been like me and laughed and told them to get serious? Would you have just assumed they were joking because things like that just don’t happen to you? Would the intended recipient of this torrent have done exactly that?



Spring cleaning

April 20th, 2006, 8:45 AM by Goddess

Well, from the last eleventy billion posts, we know I’m moving. I just got off the phone with the moving company. (*hyperventilating*) So freaking much to do still, but after a year and a half ago when homelessness (due to no cash inflow) was a probability and not just a possibility, now I’m moving into a Really Nice Place. I knew the day would come; I guess I just didn’t know if I would ever deserve it.

That”s the thing. When you’re on a certain path and even very successful at what you do, and suddenly it’s ripped from you, it’s heartbreaking to go back to eating ramen noodles while your friends are buying homes and getting married and getting great promotions when it feels like the universe stepped its heavy foot on your forehead and kicked you back six turns in the game of Life.

But I’m proof that you just need to wait for your turn and to give it all you’ve got. Any step that’s away from the rut in which you find yourself is progress.

Amalah gave me that step. She gave me that helping hand when I was literally drowning. And now she’s taking that huge, big, wonderful, awe-inspiring and freakin’ scary step into the wild, wonderful world of freelance. Congratulations, Amy! Corporate rah-rah lovefests just won’t be the same without you. 😉 Although, seriously, you have an open invitation to bring the Noahlah by so you can brag about how fabulously you’re doing!

And in another plot twist, could the Tiff and Tom wedding details really, truly be secured?!?! w00t! I have to go find a dress because I, as Tiff accurately noted, have to get my heathen ass to church twice in the same year. 😉 Many, many congratulations are in order here — these two deserve a lifetime-achievement medal for having Everything. That. Could. Go. Wrong. happen and still be sane and willing to try Just. One. More. Idea.

In other great news, Erica and Amy have new jobs. Celebrate good times COME ON! Proud of ya, girls! The interview process and the waiting is hell. Here’s to a successful journey for you both!

So, what’s YOUR life-changing milestone? Because I want to celebrate you for it — too many of us are drowning in the day-to-day details but yet managing to pull off some minor miracle under the radar.

Just goes to show, we shouldn’t be afraid to want things — to dream as far as our minds will take us. Sometimes it feels like we’re swimming against the current just to get through, but other days, the wind will pluck us up and push us to dry land where our only limits are as far as we can run. May our spirits never tire and may our setbacks serve to catapult us twice as far ahead. And may the world turn our future autobiographies into best-sellers!

On iTunes: Anna Nalick, “In the Rough”

[audio:AnnaNalick_InTheRough.mp3]


The fustercluck continues

April 18th, 2006, 11:03 PM by Goddess

Bugshit crazy

I’m so happy to report that the current apartment management is planning to exterminate my place on my official moving day. Blah blah blah “you will be fined $50 if you do not permit the exterminators to do their job.” I’ve tried this before — they bring in the bug boys to do a shitload of apartments in one day; no special considerations for anyone, circumstances be damned.

Seriously, they’ve had my notice for weeks — gee thanks. Ya couldn’t wait an extra, oh, DAY could’ja now? Seriously. Ya already inspected this dump today — hope you liked tripping on the vacuum cleaner cord and piles of newspapers, as I didn’t exactly clear a pathway for my guests.

‘Scuse me while I hang myself with that ethernet cord

Meanwhile back at the new ranch, I tried to schedule cable/Internet hookups at the new bachelorette pad. But I can’t because somebody, somewhere fucked something up and Crazy-Ass Cable Conglomerate have somebody else scheduled for an install at MY ADDRESS. Three phone calls later (and phone monkeys referring to me by a man’s name when I give them the address — the HELL?!?! As I asked one poor rep, “Do I SOUND like I just sprouted a third leg? You were calling me Dawn a minute ago, you know, when I gave you my cell phone number and my name popped up on your screen!”

Actually, I found it funny. I had no choice. 😉

Replace that zero with a hero … zero?

So anyway, the phone number. I started off with my area code. I said “Seven, Zero, Three. …” and the girl interrupts me to say, “You mean Seven, OH, Three?” I laughed and said yeah. Good on ya for translating that Zero into an Oh. Can’t put anything past YOU!!!!

The punchline

After I offered to fax my lease to prove that I am in fact the rightful tenant of said apartment unit and volunteered to submit to a medical exam to prove I was not the man whose name they called me by, I learned that I could not get the hookups and was thus regaled to living without cable and Internet until they could get hold of this mystery person who I am clearly NOT. Whee.

In any event, I suggested ever-so-helpfully that, since I had switched apartments at the last minute, perhaps the guy had done the same thing — only he’d gone so far as to schedule cable installation?

And the angels sang alleluia

I was put on hold and later told that — guess what? — the guy lives one floor above me. Hah. Somebody made a boo-boo when inputting the data. And apparently he has no idea, and if not for me, the boy would probably never get the cable.

The only reason I even threw the fit was because his install date that they’d mentioned in the first place (for the guy, which I didn’t realize at the time) was inconvenient to me, and I need mine way sooner. Heh — it would’ve been nice to have somebody else responsible for that triple-digit mess of a bill every month for practically nothing!

Let’s not talk about the mess over ordering checks.

Long story short, my bank has two addresses on file for me. I ordered checks using the mailing address I designated but with the new address to be printed on the checks I ordered from an independent company. Bank says the mailing address isn’t my address. Thus, no soup for you. So I updated my mailing address at the bank and now I see an e-mail that until my bank provides written verification (which is never going to happen) I am screwed and my money will be refunded in 45 days.

Because, you know, who really needs real, numbered checks? I hope I can pay my rent in navel fuzz, since they don’t accept starter checks.

More moving fun

I am terrified to call back my insurance agent to find out how much my already-astounding car/renter’s insurance is going to skyrocket with the move. Really — a girl can only handle so much in one day!

It’s all good, though. I’m moving forward. That’s all there is to it. I’m leaving behind a lot of posssessions, but that’s all they are — things. Stuff. Sentimental items. Tattered crap, basically.

I’m also leaving behind the tears, the frustration and sadness and fear and despair. It’s like getting a haircut and snipping off the split ends — they’ve incurred enough damage. Time to let them go into that gentle good night. It’s an opportunity to take with me what I want and not leave a forwarding address for what isn’t working for me.

I’ve wasted too much time being unhappy — and while I know I can’t abolish bad feelings, I can change the scenery and not be reminded of the old stuff that weighed me down. Four walls can only hold so many tears — these have hit their capacity. My new place is untainted, untouched. It’s full of sunshine and space and possibility. And, thus, so am I. And I feel healthier already, just thinking about the laughter and joy I’m going to experience anywhere but here. …



Mailbag

April 18th, 2006, 11:42 AM by Goddess

Dear Memorial Bridge Traffic,

Suck it.

My days of putting up with your shit? Numbered.

I’m leaving you, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Don’t try to find me — I love you for your beautiful riverside/monument-laden scenery, but I need a highway that’s going to treat me better. I’m tired of it ALWAYS being a production with you.

Adios and vaya con dios.

Dawn

Before my f’in ROKR punked out in mid-trip, this was the song that came on while I was parked by the Pentagon. Enjoy!

[audio:LeeAnnRimes_ SomethingsGottaGive.mp3]


Moi, encapsulated

April 18th, 2006, 6:51 AM by Goddess

Reader Poll Monday returns!

1. If forced to choose, would you rather eat your weight in Peeps or in Cadbury Creme Eggs? Cadbury Creme Eggs

2. Have you finished your taxes? (If you live outside the US, how is your income taxed?) State and federal, yes. I never know where to file my local taxes so I just wait for that angry bill to arrive every summer. (“I want my two dollars!”)

3. Should I re-design my blog? Redesigning blogs is fun. And insanity-provoking.

4. What is your favorite kind of cereal? At some point, I became old and started preferring oatmeal. The banana bread flavor from Quaker.

5. If, in 3 months, you were forced to permanently leave the city/town in which you currently live, where would you go? (Gee, that sounds familiar!) I’d go to Manhattan next time ’round.

6. What one word best describes you? Sapient

7. Which actor would want to represent you in a movie about your life? Melissa Peterman, who plays “Barbara Jean” on Reba

8. Do you have any birthmarks? Yes. Two. That’s all you get today!

9. How many states have you lived in? Three, if you count my pending odyssey to upper Northwest D.C.

10. Ask me something. Is it Friday YET?!?!



Rainy days and Mondays

April 17th, 2006, 12:32 PM by Goddess

Haven’t slept in days. Finally got the car inspected, so at least I don’t have to worry about it being towed again (and the sticker had only been expired for two weeks!). You’d think those fuckers at Dominion Towing would’ve done me the courtesy of towing the car to a goddamned INSPECTION STATION!!!

Anyway, have been busy. Am not social in the least. Want to crawl into bed. NOW. Did mad packing/pitching/hauling/cleaning all weekend. Today it’s raining and dismal, and seriously, if I could find my bed under all the crap I’ve piled atop it, I’d like to partake of its goodness right about now.

I’m so tired that I just walked up to the microwave to make some lunch and decided it was too much work to open up the can of soup and dump it into the bowl and then actually STAND there for three minutes. Gah. Actually, I just don’t feel like teetering around in heels with a bowl of hot soup. I’d rather starve than spill. So I changed my mind and retreated to my desk. How’s that for lazy as all hell?



Crazy, party of one

April 17th, 2006, 8:46 AM by Goddess

Let’s see — none of my furniture will fit into my apartment’s doorway, so I decided to look online for couches. (Looks like it’s gonna have to be Ikea, as its shit comes in pieces.) So in the midst of picking a couch, I said fuck it and went elsewhere to buy a TV instead.

Perhaps I shall sit on my OLD television to watch the new one? 🙂 I guess it beats putting the new set on top of the old one!



Faith infusion

April 16th, 2006, 8:04 AM by Goddess

If not for this time of year, I have no clue when Easter Catholics like me would ever get to church. 😉

I went to awesome services last night to support a dear person, and my joke is that by going to church, I’m saved for at least another year. *whew*

I was kind of scared when the lights were turned off and the exits were blocked before the service began. Heh — did they know I was poised to bolt? Actually, it wasn’t so much the fear of the church collapsing because I’d dared enter it, but rather that I was in the second row — holy crap (whoops!), I’ve never sat in anything but the back row like a bad kid! LOL — there was a point to it, and besides, it gave me a chance to admire the stained glass that was illuminated during our sunset services.

Masses of white calla lilies surrounded the altar. Absolutely gorgeous — I love calla lilies. Unfortunately, as my throat closed up almost immediately, the beauty turned into a Benadryl moment. My eyes watered throughout the service — I think others thought I was simply moved. Which I was, but I wanted to move to a drugstore and get some allergy medication but, alas, the exits were as blocked as my windpipe!

At least it wasn’t an allegic reaction to the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. 😉

I admit I’m not overly knowledgeable in all things spiritual. Read the rest of this entry »



Two days without sleep …

April 15th, 2006, 12:43 PM by Goddess

… and I ordered poohnani for breakfast.

Yes, you read that right.

Weep for me.



‘It’s 3 a.m., I must be lonely’

April 15th, 2006, 3:20 AM by Goddess

Actually it’s 4 a.m. and thanks to my poor Samantha being towed at 2 a.m. last night for a fucking expired inspection sticker, I haven’t slept a wink. Because the state of Virginia would probably love siphoning $100 from me every night of my life. I am so tired, I could kill myself. Only the crackheads and I are awake at this hour. And the birds. Goddamned chipper little chirpers — I want to ram their pointy little beaks up their pointy little asses.

Read the rest of this entry »