Caterwauling

Well, more of an asocial experiment, but something to keep me not completely submerged nonetheless.

I play music on the way to work, of course. Oftentimes it’s depressing stuff. Ballads, country, whatever. And the days can have their moments of frustration. So today I decided to only play upbeat music. But the day still pretty much sucks. 😉

Actually, I’m fine. I’m always fine. I try my best to just be. Period. Surviving a day is my success. Not a great one, but I’ll take it for what it’s worth.

I have another experiment going. I have a Post-It Note that says, simply, “Assless Chaps.” Now, there’s a story behind it, and I might even share it, but my best friend suggested it last night and it made all the sense in the world. And during those moments when I’m overwhelmed and over whatever it is that I’m overwhelmed by, the note helps. I laugh. How can you not? And that’s what I need to suck it up and keep going.

I wanted this. I guess. But what I wouldn’t give to be a kept woman right about now. …

Alternate title: A day that wasn’t a waste of a push-up bra

So I had just rolled home from happy hour last night when I met another one of my neighbors. He, like many, talks on his cell phone outside because we have shit for reception within the building. I’d never seen him before, but when you’ve got a few hundred people sharing the same street address, that happens.

Anyway, he literally stops his conversation to call out to me. I turned around and smiled but kept going because, well, I had to pee. Like, seriously, I have a thing against public johns and had waited WAY too long. But he wasn’t going to be brushed off.

So he tells his friend to hold on because he’s just met “the most beautiful white woman I’ve ever seen.” I disregarded my immediate self-deprecating thought, which was, “Apparently you don’t get out very often, then” and said thanks. He reached out and kissed my hand and introduced himself, lamenting the fact that he hadn’t known before now that I live in his building.

(Everybody knows I live here. I yell at the cats all the damn time. You can hear, “MADDIE! YOU STINK!” and “KADI! SHUT UP!!!” from Capitol Hill!)

Anyway, I tried to excuse myself (seriously. Bladder.) and mentioned that he might want to resume his cell phone conversation. He said, nah, it’s just his little cousin. “And he’s married to a white girl too!” he volunteered.

I laughed. What could you do? I said hey look, I have to go feed my cats. I could see them watching me from above — they each have a favorite window to peer from.

He thought I said kids and asked how many. I emphasized cats, and he said, “Oh, I don’t like cats. Pussy, though, I do like!”

Now that was entertaining!

I didn’t turn on the lights in my apartment when I got in. I’m not interested in him in particular, but it was nice to have a man whistling after me as I walked away. A girl needs that kind of attention sometimes, and I admit, I didn’t mind it one bit. 😉

I’ve been meaning to pay homage to this wonderful tribute by Trouble. My mind’s been wandering today, and it went back to this:

“When you see him, you may be tempted to think he is just some guy. Average, nothing special. You may never even notice his strong graceful hands. … But to me, he is the most handsome, most intelligent, most amazing man on earth. …. Sometimes when we are together, I can hardly get anything done, because I just can’t stop looking at him. His beauty draws my eyes and stops my brain in its tracks. His dreams inspire me, his voice comforts me, his warmth next to me keeps me safe. He is the one, the only man who even exists, for me.”

The things we notice when we’re smitten. Boys — men — don’t always give us much to go on, insofar as getting to know them easily. Women get frustrated when a few dates go by and they drop off the earth because there’s so much to reveal throughout the course of the time — so much to be revealed to us. Many of us have learned to date in the exact manner that has been shown to us — cool, somewhat detached, able to make a snap judgment and be OK if things don’t progress.

Then there are the ones we would be heartbroken to lose, at least, if we would lose them too soon. The ones who are not withdrawn because they have nothing beneath the surface to offer us but instead the ones who do. The ones, moreover, who might not realize it. And as we wait for those treasures to reveal themselves, we comfort ourselves in not necessarily memory, but rather memorization.

There are faces, fingers, curves of eyelashes and outlines of jawbones and the shape of lips associated with a million facial expressions that we will never forget as long as we live for as many glances as we sneaked or outright took just to accurately absorb them into our minds. These are the things that come to the forefront of our minds when we’re flailing elsewhere in life. These are the things that never fade — these are things that are familiar and welcoming if we are lucky enough to be greeted with them again.

These, my friends, are the building blocks upon which hopes, dreams and fantasies are built. The things that last, no matter the words that are or aren’t exchanged and the feelings that can get bruised in the crossfire or silence or confusion. You figure things out so you can see the smile again you’ve come to rely upon for spiritual nourishment — it’s as vital to you as any other consumable nutrient.

This is somewhat unfamiliar, or at least forgotten, territory for me. I’m struggling to find the words and relying on others’ as well as images clamoring for my attention when there’s so much else to attend to. I think a lot of us have let life distract us from attending to our hearts, and it’s a welcome change for the reverse to seem to be true.

To feel whole, invincible, incapable of seeing anything but beauty everywhere … to not feel scared to look ahead … to be OK in the moment, every moment … wow.

All right, Goddess, time to concentrate again. For now, anyway — or, at least, for as long as I can. …

Presented without comment (a first!), two relevant quotes from today:

And again, because these say enough as well, two relevant songs for today:

Keren DeBerg, “Gone”
[audio:KerenDeBerg_Gone.mp3]

Blue October, “Calling You”
[audio:BlueOctober_CallingYou.mp3]

I’ve got to open this one up to the blogosphere, because I am at a loss and I think it’s something that should be debated intelligently. (Meaning, comment moderation has been set to “vaporize on submission” those that contain words your mommy taught you not to use.)

Now that we’re left with only grown-ups in the room. …

My friend, who is the parent of two mixed-race children, asked me a question the other day. She noted that various cultural groups and special-interest factions have some sort of symbol to show their cause. But what she was wondering is what the equivalent of a rainbow flag, for example, can be for folks who date/marry interracially and the kids who are a product of these unions?

I thought about it and volunteered, rather unhelpfully, “How about a vanilla-chocolate twist cone?” I qualified it with, “Well, you can tell my motivation is borne from hunger on a hot summer day. Mmmm, ice cream.”

And she laughed because she heard “ice cream” and got excited at the food, not necessarily its prospect as the symbol of generations. LOL.

Even Sabre and I were talking about it today, and for lack of a better idea, continuing the discussion over ice cream became our executive decision.

So, I apologize if that was offensive to anyone, but really, we’d love some suggestions. Even if it’s just the best ice cream flavor of the summer. 😉

I’d declared Sunday to be laundry day. However, it didn’t want to declare it back.

I decided I needed to wash two loads. Could’ve done more, but it’s all about goals, people. Besides, it took me 90 minutes to get a washer in the first place.

The thing is, I can understand that our measly two washers on our floor are always taken. That’s fine. But those bitches had been stopped for an hour. An hour, unattended! The thing is, there is no way in hell I am touching anyone’s nasty-ass gutchies with my hands. I don’t care that they’ve (hopefully) used soap. I don’t want anyone touching my stuff, and I will return the courtesy. Not to mention, if there are only two machines, it’s rude to use them both. And as a personal rule, I only use one machine at a time. Courtesy, peeps.

So I was angrily storming around in flip-flops, slamming doors wherever possible — anything to alert the offender to get their stupid ass in to take care of their skivvies. Finally — finally! — I was making a racket when a door opened. It was the door NEXT to the laundry room. Lazy asshole. He was blaring music and smelled funky. Yay. I thought we paid out the ass here to keep out the riff-raff. Coulda fooled me.

So I waited awhile for him to get his shit into the dryer and I washed two consecutive loads. And here’s a helpful hint: Putting your crap in the washer someone neglects is all well and good until you need that dryer. And not only is the wash cycle 35 minutes to the dryer’s 60, but you didn’t actually think he was going to be prompt with emptying that, either, did you? I dragged lots of wet crap to air-dry from various lamps, shower rods and assorted bookcases. Because that’s not a pain in the ass.

The guy did come to empty a dryer when I was tending to my second load. And the smell was familiar — boyfriend reeked of weed. He was nice to me, if not spaced the hell out. The stuff smelled high-quality. 😉 Doesn’t he know that it’s not nice to NOT share?!?! LOL. (Yeah, laundry? What laundry? *sniff*)

I’d thought about going up a couple of floors and telling the cop who lives here about it. The cop that I, oh, have had a date or two with. (*blush*) 😀 But, alas, I decided not to create a hot fuss because, hey, maybe I can stand outside Smokey’s door and get a nice contact high once in awhile. 😉

I’m starting to like this city after all!

Subtitle: Salvation by sticky note

I have survived this far in life by virtue of the sticky note. Whether in its fine neon pinks, purples or blues, or whether it’s the simple white notes that are formed into thought balloons (one of which contains the title of this entry), my blood pressure would be triple what it is without their fortune-cookie-like wisdom.

I find notes from time to time. I’ve even written about them on this site. But there are many more that never see the light of day. Sometimes I throw them away, other times I archive them by tossing them “somewhere” and forgetting about their existence. But no matter. It’s what I write down in a passionate moment that keeps me sane.

I have two notes that I refer to at least daily, oftentimes more, that aren’t in an obvious place. Mostly because I have them memorized. Also because others might want a backstory/explanation. And those are not up for consideration. Even if they’re as lighthearted as this entry title — something spurred their creation. Sometimes they’re the light I shine from a dark place to bring me to the other side of it.

This is something I’ve done for years, and while I might seem like I talk a lot sometimes, there’s always proof of the undercurrent of what I’m not necessarily saying. I think we all have some sort of mantra (or many of them) that is the equivalent of “Serenity Now” (although I can’t think of that phrase in a non-“George Costanza” way. LOL).

What do you tell yourself when you need to get through “One of Those Days/Weeks/Moments/Decades”?

How I miss the days when Caterwauling used to focus on surviving one’s career, but we can still revisit relevant topics. Just without bitching about the Town Crier who acccosted me in the bathroom stall and tried to accost my pregnant friend and who still works there and we don’t. Go figure!

But this article reminded me of a job long before that wacky-ass place:

Wise Words for Getting Ahead in Your Career by Ben Stein

Don’t Work for Insane People

“Yes, you will have people who yell at you, demean your abilities, or boss you around even though you’re a lot smarter than they are. But that’s totally normal. That’s called “life in the workplace.” Expect it, and roll with the punches.

“But if a boss calls you a racial epithet, casts slurs on your family, touches you inappropriately, or screams at you and calls you at home to yell at you over something you did or didn’t do at work, tell him politely that you don’t want such treatment. And if it persists, then quit. Life is short. It’s far too short to waste working for someone who’s mentally sick enough to think he owns your soul and that you have no dignity just because he gives you a paycheck.

“You’ll find this kind of person extremely frequently here in Hollywood: Little Caesars, little Napoleons, little dictators who will treat you like a slave. There are a great many sick people here with serious rage problems. If one of them is your boss, politely but firmly take your leave. A boss who treats you with respect means fewer sleepless nights and a lot more possibility for making a name for yourself.”

Hoo boy, do I have a story about THAT subject!

Read the rest of this entry »

My friend from the West Coast called me tonight to tell me about her obnoxious ex-friend who’s been trying unsuccessfully for months to call her, as the ex-friend finally got through tonight.

The obnoxious one was full of news designed just to hurt my friend’s feelings, mostly about my friend’s ex who not only went on to be successful in life, but let’s just say he owns a freaking basketball team. I can’t find a photo of him, but apparently he’s really good-looking and is married to an insanely hot wife. So he’s rich, quasi-famous and paired off to some Barbie doll. Good for him.

My question: Why the FUCK would you tell your friend that? Obviously to hurt her. No doubt. Because that’s all they have to talk about. And my friend’s going to get smarter about not answering her phone after this.

The good news is that my friend had anticipated that call and we’d Googled the guy (over the phone), so we’d gathered all the goods before ex-friend called with the dirt. And my friend was so pleased to be able to say, “Yeah, I know. Isn’t that great? I’m so happy that his life turned out so well for him.” She said you could just hear the disappointment in the other girl’s voice, as she was clearly aiming for a very different reaction. What, did she want her to cry in her beer over it? Did she need to have her be weak for a moment so she could feel invincible?

Read the rest of this entry »

And not on a Sunday, like how I did last week’s questions yesterday. 😉

Anyway, here’s RPM:

1. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
Hmm. Chocolate raspberry truffle, if it’s available. Mint chocolate chip if it’s not. And nothing beats good, old-fashioned soft serve, preferably a chocolate-vanilla twist.

2. What was the last thing you purchased on the Internet and what site did you purchase it from?
I got the ShedEnder for the cats. They hate it. It took almost a freaking month to get that stupid thing to me. It’s OK — I have a cat comb that cost about half that price and it works the same. The only saving grace is that they have a “free” Lint Wizard (you pay shipping), and that fucker is fabulous because those cats shed like nobody’s bidness.

3. What are the top five most common items on your grocery list?
It’s always cat food, cat litter, frozen dinners (I love them for lunch at work), Crystal Light singles and string cheese.

4. What are you plans after work this evening?
It’s gonna be a late one, so not bloody much. And now that I read question 3, I realize we are out of cat litter. So take a wild guess!

5. Do you have any weird dating hang ups?
No kids, no wives. I don’t expect or even want 100 percent of anyone’s time, but what I do get, I don’t want to split with any of the above. I’d like to get their whole heart, and you can’t do that if their kids are coming first. And don’t get me started on the rest of the statement. 🙂

6. When was the last time you went to a park, which park was it, and what did you do there?
I go to parks pretty much weekly. If there isn’t a swingset, then I like to go stare at pretty scenery and take a journal. Not like I ever write in said journal — I’ve pretty much been dumping my cognitive crap into a Word doc every couple of weeks. There’s one (with swings!) on my block, but I’d rather not say the name just because you don’t know what kind of weirdos there are out there. 😉

7. What was your first job?
Camp counselor for kids in the child-welfare system. It was fun — I was really good with those kids, mostly because I was a “grown-up” whom they grew to trust after being in violent and/or neglectful homes. It took a long time to earn their trust and respect, but I loved it when I had it because I worked hard for it.

I kind of pissed off my fellow counselors and superiors, because I was supposed to be engaging the kids in activities and games and whatnot, but when kids didn’t want to play, at least one of us had to “sit out” with them. Problem was, more kids wanted to hang out with me than go do dodgeball and kickball and arts-and-crafts!

8. Did you sleep in your own bed last night? Did anyone sleep with you? Just checking.
I indeed slept in my bed. And no one, not even a cat, was nearby this time. Kadi pissed me off early on with her whining, so I shut the brats out and the bed was gloriously all mine. But the memories and fantasies practically took on human form. …

9. What is your biggest traffic pet peeve? And you can only pick one.
Fucking 12 cops to pull over one goddamned motorist. Seriously. I almost rear-ended a line of seven cars because when I was getting on the interstate this morning, no one could get around the goddamned clusterfuck of flashing red and blue lights. If I hadn’t slammed on the brakes and turned my car on an angle, I would have caused a fucking domino effect. Maybe this will teach me to wear a seatbelt. 😉

10. Are you a recycler?
I’ve just started trying to get better about that, so yes.

11. Oh yeah, ask Sherri something.
Not a question. I just want to pimp out a recent entry of hers that I really loved: “Some Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way”