Caterwauling

But we still love her over here. 😉 Our beloved Sherri gives us Reader Poll Monday:

1. What is your favorite body part on the opposite sex?
Eyes, lips, butt, thighs. Serious thigh fetish.

2. How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Six

3. Do you still keep in touch with any of your childhood best friends?
Hell no

4. What is your favorite trick for stress relief?
Lying on my back on the floor and zoning for 10 minutes, if I can. Digging my nails into my palms if I can’t — it redirects the mental waste into physical strength.

5. Do you have any addictions?
Fast food. I seriously tried giving it up a million times, but I neeeedddd it.

6. What city besides the one in which you reside would rather live in?
I’m trying to figure that one out right now, actually. I have an offer to move to Cincinnati, but dream locale? I don’t think so. I’d dig Manhattan if I didn’t need to double my salary to maintain the same mediocre standard of living.

7. What bodily noises that people make in public really irk you?
Um, all of them?

8. Describe the worst haircut you’ve ever had.
1984. Hot perm solution. Six bottles. Heat lamp. There was smoke, people. I lost half my hair density in one sitting and never recovered it. I was 10. I have never regretted a decision more in my life.

9. What were you doing yesterday at this time?
(*grin*) Flirting with someone I didn’t know and will never see again.

10. What’s the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you today?
Honey, I make an ass outta myself at every available opportunity. So by my standards, I’ve done nothing overly offensive. I think I was caught talking to myself, and I did start laughing in the restroom over something in my head, but I don’t apologize for that shit. Happy Dawn has come out to play, so hell with anyone who doesn’t love her madly!

It’s not even that I’m having a hard day (I’m choosing not to. I can have one tomorrow instead. But I don’t have the capacity for it today), but man, I could sure use a real, bona fide hug right now. Even if I have to pay someone to do it. *hugs self*

Completely unrelated (although going off-topic is the nature of this blog), weekend videos have surfaced of the Jedi pinata. That was one bitchin’ little burro — it took three 8-year-olds to massacre his papier-maiche ass. Because, of course, the adults couldn’t do it. 😉

Have you seen Snow Patrol’s video for “Chasing Cars”? No? My fellow “Grey’s Anatomy” fans will rejoice as we relive so many of our favorite moments. Go click now. I’ll have the tissues ready when you get back. 🙂

All right, I’m going to get serious about this yoga shit. I’m probably never going to find the time to take a class. (Spare me the lecture; my best friend already gave me the “That was a non-negotiable date with yourself” schpiel.)

So today, I decided to hunt for yoga-wear. And what pisses me off beyond all recognition (right now. It’ll pass) is that exercise gear is not designed for the people who need to exercise the most. I had a hell of a time finding anything over a size small (or extra small, you cake-moments-in-progress. I want to force-feed you cake. Cake, I say, CAKE!), and what I did manage to unearth would inspire others to inquire whether I needed some butter with those rolls. Seriously! Flimsy, crappity crappy crap. That is, if one could squeeze into it at all without baking up a sheet of muffin top. GAH.

I did find a cute not-really-a-sweatsuit suit. It’s a lightweight jersey/sweatsuit-sort of material, but with that inside-out-type stitching and some well-placed flair (sorry, the gang watched “Office Space” last night). And they’re capris, which I hate, but it’s purple! Wondrous wine, I say. And I picked up an adorable shirt that was in the same family but two shades lighter. Lighter purple!

Ah, but wait, there’s more. I found a luxurious padded yoga mat (I may use it in lieu of a couch), a yoga block and a yoga strap (strap on *clap clap* strap off *clap clap*) in — you guessed it — purple. I’m so fucking color-coordinated, I nauseate myself. Hell, I even picked up a royal purple tank top with lime trim and some royal purple with lime plaid boxer shorts to sleep in. From separate stores! And they MATCH, people.

Fuck, I even bought the flatulence factories a new litterbox (as they’d annhilated the old one). Guess what color it was? I wasn’t even trying at that point!

Everything goes so well with the couch I threw away new purple chair in my living room. I’m going to look so cute when I put on all my new clothes and lay out all the yoga shit on the floor and fall asleep just thinking about my shopping expedition. 😉

Oh, for giggles, I did buy a yoga DVD, as those damn classes are so inconvenient. (8 p.m. Pfft. Real women leave work at 9!) It’s all about how to master this shit in 10 minutes. I was more intrigued with the “yoga for pudgy pork roast asses” (heh. I’ll make one with that title some day. You just wait!) but that requires having 30 consecutive minutes and that’s just cruel. I swear, if they’d had a “yoga in three and a half minutes” DVD, I’d’a been all over that like me on cake my poop-filled cats on new litter (they’ve used the box already. It’s been five fucking minutes since I changed it!).

In any event, I did buy other black-and-white workout gear on clearance (again, people my size? NOT BUYING IT) and got a cute sport bra to match it. I’m so thrilled with myself, I just can’t wait to pack it all away and find it again in three years like I did with the last batch that I bought (in heather gray).

Speaking of pudgy pork roast asses and the color gray, the hell? Gray is SO not flattering on a double-wide tukus. Holy elephant-butt!!! I’d rather look like Barney than Dumbo!

When I roll home late at night, I love to stop by the playground and not swing on the swingset but, instead, hang upside down from it — straining my arms and feeling the strength of the chains in my hands, trying to let my hair touch the ground. (It’s not long enough anymore, but still.)

To round out the night, I also do a fast climb on the jungle gym and dismount it from the slide. And I hate sliding boards, but something about the wee hours of the night emboldens me.

Why do I do this? Because I can. Because someday I might have to tell my kid to be careful and to not do those very things, but I know just how much fun they really are. 🙂

On iTunes: Live, “Run to the Water”

I’m running insanely late for Cat’s party, but all I have to say is, dude. Beer for breakfast. Mmm, Yuengling. But I did end up partaking of broiled meat goodness courtesy of Tom at the D.C. Metroblogging Second Anniversary Bash. While seeing him and Tiff was definitely the highlight (and meeting all the other local bloggers, natch!), I admit, seeing the sun was such a marvelous, wondrous thing as well. Daylight — you mean it comes every day? 😉

In any event, off to see more bloggers! *mwah!* Hope your day is as grand as mine!

My buddy at work gave me a brand-new recliner/ottoman set from everyone’s favorite Swedish store. It’s purple microfiber and holy shit, COMFY. The one thing I lack in the house is, oh, furniture, and I’d joked that I spend 60 hours a week at work because at least there’s a chair there.

She asked me one day if I like purple, and yesterday she brought me the furniture under the auspices that she doesn’t use it. (Good lord, I could die in this chair, it’s so heavenly.) Maddie has claimed the chair and Kadi’s all about the ottoman, but I didn’t realize microfiber was so easy to clean insofar as cat hair. (I also joke that PETA would shoot me on-sight if they saw all the fur I wear, but I promise, I’m not doin’ it voluntarily!)

I need to do something nice for my friend, although I’m not sure what but I’ll think of something. Just goes to show that if you live a good life and just try to be a decent person, karma really does lend you a helping hand when you need it most.

I’d debated leaving said chair at work, given that I’m rarely home (either at work, out shopping or on the rare occasion the boy and I can schedule 10 consecutive minutes in the same room, I visit him. His floor is way quieter than mine, given that the family with five toddlers in the 1BR + den moved out and a couple with four teenagers and one toddler just moved in. The hell? They all park themselves on the landing/stairs and I cannot STAND them), but then I’d probably never leave. 🙂

I’ve come to just hate even hinting at politics on this blog, but I’m breaking my silence for five minutes. I was staring at Saturday morning financial TV and feeling sick over the Seattle shooting (way to go, wack-job Muslim, shooting Jews in America. Great work. Hope somebody strings you up by your ball sack. Jerkoff). *kick*

And it occured to me that while I absolutely abhor the Bush dynasty (just say no to Jeb!), I’m pretty damned happy that our secretary of state is a woman. Not that I’m a fan of Condi, by any means, but she’s got an amazing opportunity to break the boys’ club mold and get some shit done. Whether she will — or even can, as I know how hard it is to be taken seriously when you only possess theoretical testicles — is anyone’s guess, but more power to her.

Speaking of girl power, I found out that if I just pay double, I can get private yoga/stress relief/meditation classes at my own convenience. Hmm. I don’t suppose 1 a.m. Monday, Wednesday and Friday is convenient to the instructor? 😉

Didn’t even have time to finish my call to the center to tell them I didn’t have time to make it. 🙂 Oh well. Others have it much worse in the world, so who am I to whine? I mean, hell, my favorite toy called it quits before a very important meeting today. (Ahem.) So, really, if I could live through that, everything else is cake.

Mmm, cake. … ;9

I might or might not meet my deadlines in time for tonight’s yoga class, and maybe that’s a good thing. I don’t exactly own exercise gear. Well, I do, but it is about four sizes smaller than I am right now because, dude, it’s been awhile.

So I was joking with someone who had stopped to visit to ask whether I’m still going to the class, and I was thinking about what I’m wearing. I think the pants would be OK — they’re comfy and roomy (I got ’em for $4.97 — the legs are three inches too long and they keep getting caught in my cute Liz Claiborne heels). They’re designer but they were not only on clearance, but I swear they had to be mismarked. w00t!

Anyway, back to the moment. I went to stretch all Zen-like and shit, but well, the girls started to fall out of the bottom of the beloved push-up bra, so perhaps we need to add a sports bra to the shopping list if we’re going to go about this health-conscious voyage. Wouldn’t want to turn yoga into ‘ho-ga!!!

They have a health checklist in the brochure (one of those things that says if you have three or more of these symptoms, you need this class), and I have 11 of the 12 signs you need a health intervention (e.g., can’t concentrate, can’t sleep, stiff, anxious, shows up regularly to self-pity parties, rides the waah-mbulance, etc.). So yeah, I s’pose it’s time to MAKE time!

Maybe this will give me the f’ing concentration I need to get my damn work done in a reasonable amount of time. Aw, hell, I’d be happy for the improved flexibility. … 😉