“Jesus, (Goddess) — you have more than enough scandalous underwear. It’s time to create some SCANDAL!” — Mom
Via my best friend, a conversation with her daughter, age 3:
Friend: If anybody ever tries to hurt you or get at you, you just tell me, and I’ll make sure they don’t bother you anymore.
Alex: OK.
Friend: OK, now if somebody scares you — if the boogeyman bothers you, what will you do?
Alex: Get Mommy.
Friend: Excellent. And what will Mommy do?
Alex: Piss them off!
(I swear, you can’t make this stuff up.)