Today’s horoscope: Evaluate your surroundings. Are you where you’re supposed to be? Could some old feelings of guilt or misplaced loyalty be keeping you chained to a situation that simply doesn’t fit anymore? Be honest.
No real comments on it. Just something that’s been niggling at me today. It’s sort of freeing, really. I have my reasons for doing what I do (and not doing other things). My visions are bigger than anyone can imagine. But there is some sort of, I don’t know, obligation if you will. To people, places and things. I’ve relinquished control in a big way to Fate and the powers that be.
Sometimes I think creative people get screwed in life. Now, I profess my love for my labrynth-like mind and spurts of brilliance that compensate for those other moments that are completely devoid of brainwaves. But what I fail to be able to do is motivate myself — I expect creativity and inspiration to come in time.
Boundaries elude me and I find myself daydreaming at work and thinking about work when I’m supposedly on “my” time. And that’s fine but I feel like I’m not accomplishing much of anything in either realm. But I’ve also got to force myself sometimes to be OK with not saving the world. I make myself nervous sometimes when I finish a day no closer to any goals I might have had — lofty goals at that.
I had one of those big “what if” moments the other day. What if I abandoned all decorum and restraint and reached out and shook the world off its axis. What would have happened? Am I more afraid that everything could turn to shit and life will spiral out of control, or am I not prepared for a situation in which everyone sits back and says, “I had no idea you could rock socks that way. What else do you have up your sleeve?”
Maybe I’m just afraid that I won’t take everyone’s breath away. And I couldn’t handle that particular aftermath.
“My hero said
You can’t hold the hand
Of a rock and roll man
But what if I can
What if I can?What if I
Look to the sky
Check out the stars
How they shine
Into your eyes
They’re just like mine
Searching the darkness
For some kind of signBuilding our life
On the dreams we string together
Like Christmas lights.”— Nina Gordon, “Christmas Lights”