I was driving to work today, as I am apt to do on these things they like to call workdays, and from the interstate, I make a right-hand turn into Ye Humble Employment Establishment’s compound.
So as always, I flip on the blinker in advance of my turn, to signal to the asshole in the black Range Rover to kindly quit riding my ass so that I can slow the fuck down and not kill any pedestrians who might be walking where I need to be driving. I make my turn, look in the rearview …
… and Asshole FLIPS ME OFF!!!
Seriously.
So, if I may. *clears throat*
Dear Fuckhead,
I’m so sorry that my needing to make a deft right-hand turn inconvenienced you so. I mean, you had to go down from 45 mph to 35 — I can understand how that ruined your entire morning because you lost SO much time on the highway thanks to me and this pesky need I have to earn my livelihood.
I didn’t grow up to be a fairy princess or novelist or an otherwise kept woman. It wasn’t my dream to work in an office every day of my life. But somehow I don’t think that was your dream, either. So to flip me off for going to my job? Honey, you’re lucky I didn’t slam on the brakes and throw it in reverse — you’re lucky you got to go to YOUR job and not to the damned infirmary after I got done with you.
Thanks for trying to ruin my day. Oh, and eat me.
Love,
Goddess