So Mom just called to give me the scoop on my grandfather (the usual abysmal stuff) but of course made an ass out of herself, which I always enjoy.
My grandfather has never gone a day in his life without shaving, but with the onset of hospital-induced ineptitude, he hasn’t shaved in almost two weeks. So she did it. And she had no idea what she was doing, leaving a goatee because she didn’t know how to shave his chin.
So the social worker mentions to her on the phone that my grandfather looks like someone shaved him — was it her?
And Mom, in her infinite blondness, said, “Yeah — I’ve never shaved a man before and I missed some.
“I know you’re supposed to go down on them. …”
She hears him whimper quietly. But she missed the cue.
” … and come up around the chin and I got tired and I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. …”
At which point he stopped her because he couldn’t take it any more.
“Go down on them.” Heh. That’s my mom!