Infinite blondeness

November 1st, 2006, 4:03 PM by Goddess

So Mom just called to give me the scoop on my grandfather (the usual abysmal stuff) but of course made an ass out of herself, which I always enjoy.

My grandfather has never gone a day in his life without shaving, but with the onset of hospital-induced ineptitude, he hasn’t shaved in almost two weeks. So she did it. And she had no idea what she was doing, leaving a goatee because she didn’t know how to shave his chin.

So the social worker mentions to her on the phone that my grandfather looks like someone shaved him — was it her?

And Mom, in her infinite blondness, said, “Yeah — I’ve never shaved a man before and I missed some.

“I know you’re supposed to go down on them. …”

She hears him whimper quietly. But she missed the cue.

” … and come up around the chin and I got tired and I wasn’t really sure what I was doing. …”

At which point he stopped her because he couldn’t take it any more.

“Go down on them.” Heh. That’s my mom!



National Novel Writing Month!

November 1st, 2006, 9:03 AM by Goddess

If I can write half a sentence novel this month, I’ll call it a victory. Happy writing to those of you who are participating in NaNoWriMo this year. Inspiration came my way yesteday and I ain’t wasting it. …