Caterwauling

I was just watching “American Idol,” and there was a promo for “Fox News at 10.” Fuckin’ hysterical — they just did a blurb on the blowjob-giving whore, and the ad spot that immediately followed it? “Brought to you by Hummer.” Seriously, they couldn’t have planned that one any better!

That hoe-biscuit Antonella Barba is still on “American Idol.” Seriously!

Paula Abdul looks drugged, as usual. As I remarked to my new-favorite TV-watching buddy, “Paula makes Anna Nicole look lucid. And, for that matter, alive.”

Today’s horoscope — Gemini, daily extended (by Astrology.com):

Even if you will be surrounded by grownups all day, it might feel as though you are stuck in a kindergarten class. For instance, you can expect some petty behavior or even a tantrum when someone doesn’t get his or her way. Your first instinct will be to deal with this person compassionately, but there is no need for that. You can feel free to ignore, and move away from, this negative energy.

No, I don’t wanna be your friend. And definitely not just because you decided you need one, not because it had to be me personally but instead because I was the last one out of the sandbox that you peed in. *punch*

It’s ponderous, really, the lengths we go to, to save some. Yet, we don’t step up to the plate for the ones who are worth it.

The markets went down like that ‘ho Antonella Barba today. And that’s an achievement!

So apparently the Antoiletta Antwatella Antonella Barba blowjob pix are fake. Hey, I figured the vacant look on the “throaty” contestant matched the same one I see on my 32″ TV screen, so whatevuh.

I figured she must be as bad at blowjobs as she is at belting out Aerosmith songs, because done right, the recipient wouldn’t have the presence of mind to reach for a camera.

Oh, and was it me or did the mosaic over the boy’s pee-pee (seriously, it was child-size) look bigger than the wand itself? And that sure as hell ain’t sayin’ much. One would think he’d keep his short-dick pics to himself!

I wonder whether she’ll be in the “Dawg Pound” on “American Idol” tonight, as the boys will be singing and the girls will be sitting there, sweating it out. Someone called the radio station yesterday and said they saw Antwatella getting on the Metro at the National Airport stop, but I doubt “Idol” would let her go home without a press release hitting the airwaves first.

In any event, I’m not sure whether I pity her more for having a rotten ex-boyfriend who released all those pix, or whether I should feel sorrier for her for that god-awful singing voice.

Speaking of crotches, I ordered a pair of pants from an online Web site. I just got the bill for 80 friggin’ dollars. Jesus H. I didn’t look at the price when I did my one-click ordering. Hot damn, they’d better come with a built-in vibrating tongue, for all THAT. Fuckin’ shipping and handling — shit, for what they charged, that tongue had better arrive attached to a MAN!