Mother Nature, you ignorant, hateful whore

February 15th, 2007, 10:08 AM by Goddess

After spending Valentine’s Day with the greatest gift of all — working from home — I emerged (early) today to a car covered in two solid inches of ice. Oh, and thank you to my fucking neighbors who had shoveled all their snow/ice behind my car — even IF I could have unearthed my vehicle, I couldn’t have backed her over three feet of ice. FUCK!

I would have stayed home today but alas, we got live paychecks today. (Direct deposit was interrupted for one lousy week, and guess which week it had to be?!?!) And Goddess was literally down to her last two bucks so calling a cab was out of the question.

So I was hacking into the ice so hard that I scratched the HELL out of my car in my frustration. You should see it — it’s an atrocity. Not to mention that pole I sideswiped as I skidded on the ice Tuesday night. *sheesh* I think that’s what’s upsetting me most. I don’t deal with all that, “Well, at least I’m alive” bullshit — my car is RUINED! WAAAHHHH!!!

Strangely and happily, a neighbor I’d never met before offered me a ride to work, which YAY! She’s sweet and we exchanged phone numbers — ironic now that I’m moving out, but still. She gave me the lowdown on the sneaky charge the building makes when you renew — a $290 “renewal” fee that the Tenant Relations Board says is perfectly legal.

*thunk*

Now to take the check to the bank and cab it home. At some point, we’ll call it a day — a shitty one!



(Sh)rubbish

February 14th, 2007, 11:04 AM by Goddess

Does Prez Shrub not know that I have a thing for Ben Bernanke? I was just watching Bernanke’s speech on CNBC, and those fuckers just cut in with Shrubbery. What if I’d rather watch Gentle Ben (or anyone else who’s more coherent)?



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February 14th, 2007, 10:41 AM by Goddess

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Silence and Slumber

February 13th, 2007, 9:38 PM by Goddess

That’s what I’m naming my hypothetical kids. I read a study awhile back about how a person’s name can determine everything from their demeanor to their career (i.e., the most-common name of podiatrists is Dr. Foote), and if you think about all the hippies’ kids named Sunshine or Rainbow or Peace Sign or whatever sounded smart under a hookah haze, sure they were probably born addicted to whatever their parents were smoking, but can you imagine someone named Babbling Brook NOT being cool and laid-back and — pardon the pun — a go-with-the-flow type of person?

So my friend was telling me how she was helping her parents clean out one of the family’s rental properties that was completely destroyed by its most-recent occupants. The child of the house somehow managed to break through the glass of the oven door, and the brat took spray paint and decorated the house. There was also a pizza-sized hole in one of the walls, and it would have been cheaper for them to rebuild the house if the tenants had just burned it down, than to undo the mess they created.

The irony? The kid’s name was, I shit you not, “Rowdy.”

*thunk*

Talk about truth in advertising!

So, I decided I want kids who don’t make noise and who sleep all the time so Mommy can keep up with her drinking have a career, so welcome Silence and Slumber to the world whenever they come. Hey, it might be a crazy fantasy, but stranger things have happened. …



Today’s soundtrack brought to you by the letters ‘F’ and ‘U’

February 13th, 2007, 4:04 PM by Goddess

You can tell that my hallway is filled with a bunch of single workaholics. The office closed at 3 p.m. for inclement weather (pussies!), and the joke here is that it closes at 3 A.M. for my team. (Don’t laugh — last time we closed early, I left at 4 a.m.) Five of us are still in the building, which means we can turn up the volume on our speakers and enjoy each other’s life soundtracks.

Anyway, we’re all blasting our iTunes, and out of various offices I can hear “Since U Been Gone” (Kelly Clarkson), “Say it Right” (Nelly Furtado) and “Song for the Dumped” (Ben Folds Five). (I’ve got ’em all, and I’m listening to Papa Roach’s “Scars” at the moment.)

Yep, we’re a happy bunch. *blows out brains*



Welcome retrograde

February 13th, 2007, 9:26 AM by Goddess

Sometimes, it feels like my life is taken straight from a movie scene. And today, that movie was a porn.

Don’t get too excited — I was just drinking the last of the milk straight out of its little Trader Joe’s jug, and I clearly overestimated my mouth’s capacity because it went streaming out of the sides of my mouth. I thought wow, what a perfect B-movie scene! But then I started laughing and sprayed it everywhere.

I just wish I’d done it AFTER I’d gotten showered/dressed. …



‘How long till my soul gets it right’

February 12th, 2007, 11:00 PM by Goddess

There are moments in my life when I’m so mixed-up and don’t know what to do because it feels like it’s going to be wrong anyway, and there are other times when I suck it up and say, hey, it’s done. Move on because there are more decisions to be made. But even so, you just feel so, I don’t know, dumb for a moment.

And then there are moments like today when you realize the rest of the world is so much stupider than you could ever be, and suddenly, you feel so much better.

I booked a trip in December to take soon. And they usually ding the credit card for one night’s stay, but they didn’t. So today, I decided to confirm the reservation. And I must have spoken to 10 people, but no luck — I was nowhere in the system.

The weird part of all of this? I got a snail-mail confirmation that I am in fact attending the out-of-town event at that particular hotel, but while everyone else had their hotel reservations at the bottom of the letter, mine did not. But here’s the kicker — they wouldn’t have KNOWN I was attending the event in the first place had I not FAXED my room reservation form to their stupid asses in the FIRST PLACE.

Gah.

Mercury goes back into retrograde tomorrow, but I think it got there early. …



Why yes I DO have a case of the Mondays. A scorching one

February 12th, 2007, 12:41 PM by Goddess

Dipshit (that’d be me) decided to put all her bags o’ crap for work in her trunk this morning. Said dipshit went into said vehicle and hit the button to pop the trunk, but the thing didn’t open, so she used her key to get in.

Said dipshit was flying up the interstate this morning when the hood of her car flew up. Apparently, dipshit had hit a lever all right — but the one that opened the hood, not the trunk.

This dipshit would like to just say that this scorching case of the Mondays may be contagious, and it might just burn on Tuesday as well. …



All wet

February 11th, 2007, 5:09 PM by Goddess

Guess who just flooded the laundry room in the basement? Hahahaaaa. You know, one of the two non-negotiable things on my wish list for a new apartment is a washer/dryer of my own. Because when I got to Load No. 6 today, I gave up and crammed it way too full. Oops — the damn thing exploded. Awesome. 🙂 The places I’m looking at cost more, but as long as I don’t get lazy and overload MY washer, we’ll call it a good decision to give me one more thing I can possibly break!



Me? Submissive? OK, if you say so …

February 11th, 2007, 9:40 AM by Goddess

I was talking to our security guard at work the other day — a man who’s had a rich life and who’s doing this just for giggles now — and he suggested that when I find a man I want to keep, I should “be submissive.”

That’s the great meaning of life that’s been eluding me? Being submissive to a man?

You know, I was up half the night last night with my favorite person, just talking. And we must have ranted for a half-hour alone on how submissive we have to be in life, in general, either to get ahead or to not be considered a loose cannon or as someone who doesn’t seem loyal to the greater cause.

I have a few things on my mind (we all do) and I just keep them either to myself or away from the people who could actually do something about them. And when I do that, I feel like I’m being disloyal to myself. I always try very hard to determine whether I feel the way I feel about something or someone is rooted in how I feel personally before actually opening my trap and making an issue out of it.

And even when it’s driving me insane, I force myself to blow things off. I guess too many years of having people try to force me to prioritize their problems has taught me the value of not making everyone my emotional tampon on a heavy-flow day — of saving the theoretical therapist’s couch for a day when I really need it.

Controlling my, ah, flow helps me to blow off a lot of things, big and small, but one wonders whether those of us who *are* brave enough to speak up (but then we don’t) are doing a disservice to the people who show their dissatisfaction in other ways … like quitting and not saying a word about what *really* made them unhappy.

A friend of mine was asked to work late at her job last week at a major accounting firm, where overnights are normal. No big deal; she’s used to it. But she got really fired up when the employees with kids got to skip out before she did. It happens all the time, but I guess she just finally snapped. She wants to be a good sport and pick up the slack, because that’s just what you have to DO in order for the team to be successful. But on the other hand, when does she ever get to sneak out and live her life? As a single, childless person, is her time less valuable? She doesn’t feel that it is, but she also doesn’t feel like she’s in a position to stand up for it.

Incidentally, “Office Space” was on last night. That movie is such a cult favorite for a reason!

I took this question to a friend with kids, and she said she’s probably one of the rare ones who neither demands nor wants special treatment because she’s a parent. She remembers similar days of being chained to the desk, night after night, watching people go home to their dopey little families. And it’s not that the parents aren’t working hard when they’re with their kids — they are, and she knows it — but it stings a little bit more when everyone’s off the clock yet shit still needs to get done and somebody’s gotta do it.

The friend who posed the question wondered whether she should say anything about it — that her personal time was no less valuable, not that anyone asked. I pretty much told her my theory: Shove a sock in it. And go have a kid, or adopt one. Everyone’s doing it!

Actually, my theory is simpler, and I try to perpetuate it to the next generation (even though I fail consistently to practice what I preach). Step one is to build loyalty with your immediate team. Step two is to use that loyalty when you need a safety net. Step three: carve out time in which you refuse to be disturbed, and hold it sacred. Stay late during the week, for example, but weekends are yours. Period, end of story.

Here’s the deal: Nobody wants to be loyal to the people they don’t feel deserve it — meaning, if people are consistently using the kid thing to skip out, then they don’t deserve your help. Fuck them — they spread their legs and wanted that particular career; they can figure it out.

But if your “me” time is being sacrificed by everyone else’s wants and needs, then you need to piss a circle around your boundaries so that the sacrifice doesn’t always feel like it has to be yours. If people want to play the “get out of work free” card, then they’d better either get their shit done before they go or they’re going to hang themselves when the deadlines aren’t met. Personally, nothing frosts my ass more than people who wait all day to turn their shit in (while you’re sitting there twiddling your thumbs) and then they skip out, leaving you to finish things up. You do it because it’s your job, but it’s sort of frustrating when deadlines are interdependent.

Of course, my group of friends and I are all the same — they don’t want to go home without everything being done. At least, if the immediate stuff is done, they can deal with the pile of less-time-sensitive crap later. But as you know, once you push off a project or 10, you never get back to it. And that makes you feel horrible, like there’s stress and pressure on you because you’re not able to pull your own load because you’re sharing everyone else’s.

But that’s what teams do — they know that if the urgent goals are being met (together), then there’s success together. Tiff had a great post on how loyalty between employees and corporations is pretty precarious at best, but loyalty among team members is the relationship that counts.

My friend and I always go back to how our last company shit on every last ounce of revenue, media attention and imagination we brought to the table. But let’s clap for the committee of seven idiots who put the logo in white on a black T-shirt for the company. Big freaking deal. We got no recognition for doing something great, but let’s clap for the mediocre effort everyone else put forth. Don’t let the stars take a moment to shine — just pat everyone on the back for accomplishing something that week, even though the work was clearly of varying calibers.

*kick* That still makes me so freaking mad.

But back to Tiff’s point, she’d said something that got my mind churning:

“While we’re working for these faceless ‘companies,’ however, we’re working with real people, and establishing relationships that naturally have an emotional component. Loyalty in that context is critically important to the success of not only the team, but of the future careers of everyone on that team.”

I assure you, the idiots who put the logo on the T-shirt got a 4% raise because the CEO didn’t feel like doing performance evaluations and just gave them raises across the board. But my friend and I put in 60- to 70-hour weeks and accomplished magic, IMHO, with limited resources and I only got a 2.5% cost of living increase because my then-boss acted like raises came from her personal bank account and just didn’t give them.

*bonk*

I don’t know. I guess my friend wondered whether she should bring it up that she’s feeling slighted or whether she should just quietly plug away because she really needs that job. Or should she just find another? That’s the interesting part of all of this, I think — people don’t voice their opinions, but they sure do demonstrate them. And by the time the employer gets the hint, it’s too late to save them. And then when their replacement is hired and the employer is “smart” enough to realize the mistakes it made in the past, the other employees are left to wonder why they didn’t get special treatment — why the changes were only effected now, as if to retain the new person, when the culture has been established otherwise.

I don’t know. It’s frustrating. Like I told my friend, live and learn and write a book about it someday! That’s probably what I’ll end up doing. … 😉