Caterwauling

I think it’s safe to say that I have officially seen every apartment within a five-mile radius of the one I currently occupy. Maybe a 10-mile radius. Jeez.

I had called this one place when I moved last year, and the guy was such a dick on the phone, I refused to see it based on his rudeness. I called back this year and loved the guy on the phone, so I made an appointment for today. I showed up for it and OMG, perhaps this was the dick from last year. He said I didn’t have an appointment. (Fucker couldn’t speak English — no wonder he couldn’t find my name in the computer, ’cause I KNOW he didn’t type it right after I spelled it four times.) Then he tossed a brochure at me and wished me well. I asked if I could at least see a unit, but he told me nope — couldn’t. It was like pulling teeth to learn that the model was only a 1BR, at which point I said, “You know? I don’t want to see it anyway.”

To say I was upset was an understatement. For what they charge per month, they should have fed me bon-bons and given me a foot massage. But alas, it was a sign to keep running, since I wasn’t smart enough to do it in the first place.

Alas, I saw more places, and stopped when I found the one I love. A little pricey but not as much as 95% of the places I’ve seen. It was cheaper because I have to pick up more utilities, but that I can at least spread the wealth over two paychecks and not just part with one in its entirety, we’ll call it a plus.

Not to mention, it’s so close to where I live, I can do most of the move myself and maybe recruit some unfortunate souls for furniture transport. *bats lashes*

It feels good to know that I have a plan again. And that maybe next year, I’ll get my laptop as I will hopefully NOT be moving again!

It’s weird because I realized how much I need a friend right now. I have good friends, but everyone’s got a million things going on and I try not to take up too much (if any) of anyone’s time. I date here and there and maybe even more “there” than “here” lately, and I try to just be on my best behavior and not let them know that I’m as real as it gets. I’m usually cool and laid-back but I do get riled up and need for them to understand that I don’t want to be hiding the 10% of me that I don’t let them see.

Bottom line, I just need a few minutes here or there to rant and maybe even cry, so I can get back to normal. And I guess that’s why I blog, because I let perfect strangers become more intimate with me than anyone whose flesh I could reach out and actually touch.

I felt really bad today because I used my mom as that person — I admitted I was scared I couldn’t afford this or do this or take another minute of drama because I am going to collapse because I’m so afraid Im going to do all of this and regret whatever decisions I make. So of course she took it as me not wanting to “inherit” her and thus leaving her destitute. *sigh*

You know, I don’t have kids. I don’t want to have to filter myself and pretend everything’s OK or that it’s going to be eventually. I want to say what’s on my mind so I can get it OFF my mind and move on to the next thing. But I guess it’s like being a parent or being at work — you just have to grit your teeth and quietly flip people off from behind the safety of a closed door. 😉

In any event, the new apartment building keeps me in D.C. (huzzah!) and I am sure this one won’t reject me the way the last one did. I feel like the shitkicker has been removed from atop my trachea — I feel like I can make plans and be all right. Besides, I walked in and two good-looking gay men were running the show, and I felt right at home.

And that’s what I’ve been waiting to feel all along.

It’s not perfect, or anywhere close, but at this point, I’ll gladly take “happy enough.”

I just got an e-mail from BonJovi.com, filled with Valentine’s Day gift ideas. And isn’t it stupid that I’m the asshole who’s the FAN who gets the e-mail, when it should be all those who are enamored by me who should be getting the gift ideas?

In any event, this would fill my heart (and perhaps my scandalous skivvies) with joy:

I’d also take the chocolate bark, the teddy bear or oral sex from Jon himself. (I don’t see it in the Web store, but a girl can dream!)

I’m truly one of those people who believes in situational serendipity — being in the right place at the right time, having people come into your life for a finite purpose, and all that jazz.

I treated last night that way. I didn’t want to get into the muss and fuss of contact information because what I needed right then was somebody full of compliments who was willing to provide a little physical closeness. Whatever he needed, I don’t really know, but in trusting my gut, I knew that this was one of those times when the ephemera would probably wear off, if pushed beyond the bounds in which it grew.

But the one thing haunting me was when he said, “What if you’re the one I’m meant to be with?”

Um.

Wow.

What if I were the one he’s waiting for, indeed.

No one’s ever said that to me before.

And who’s not to say he wasn’t the one I needed just as much?

Again, going on instinct, my feeling was no, we were definitely not meant to be that for each other.

But then again, on the rare occasion I felt someone could be that for me, I wasn’t exactly right about it. Or maybe I was but that whole situational serendipity overruled it. The beauty is right here, right now, but the reality is dead-wrong otherwise.

I don’t know.

I think I saved us both from disappointment down the road.

I hope, anyway.

All these “what ifs” that I live with in the name of supposedly knowing what’s right. …

Which could explain the slobbering that occurred after I opened up this e-mail from Bittersweet in San Francisco:

“In other news, our friends at Mountain Yoga are running a sweet chocolate yoga class called “Surrendering into Bliss” on Saturday, February 10th, from 2 to 4:30pm. The workshop will incorporate vigorous vinyasa practice with a Meditation in Chocolate.”

You know, sometimes I exclaim, “Sweet Jesus!” And today, it seems appropriate. Mmm, Bittersweet. …

While I identify with the former label, the latter one creeps up when I least expect it.

Read the rest of this entry »

In my head, I swear I went to pick up breakfast today. But as I was sitting at my desk, I got mad and wanted to call the restaurant for forgetting to give me my order. Then I realized that they can’t GIVE it to me if I only MENTALLY bought it. Kee-rist — where is my MIND today?!?!

That same mind accidentally put 2008 on the top of a very time-sensitive document today. I’m just waiting for the complaints to roll in, ’cause they always do. Speaking of complaints rolling in, a customer returned an item to us this week, and I got the accompanying letter today. Why did she return a non-returnable item? I quote, “It’s not (something) that I can SPEAK to on the phone.”

*thunk*

For the cost of the item, I’d be willing to give her two hours on the phone. But, alas, I fear that even THAT amount of money isn’t enough to put up with such a challenging individual. She’s called six times already to ask where her refund is (um, she returned it YESTERDAY) — thank GOD she doesn’t have my direct line!

In other news, I mentioned to someone that my dental assistant injured me yesterday, but I guess it sounded like I’d said “entered.” Which, ponder THAT for a minute. Gives a whole new purpose to “dental dams,” doesn’t it now? 😉

You know that saying, “colder than a witch’s tit in January”? Apparently her heat had gone off during the coldest night of the year like mine did last evening because I COMPLETELY get that adage. Damn it.

I was hoping nothing would break till after I moved out, so no one from the apartment building would come in and see my billions o’ boxes everywhere. Oh well — even though I e-mailed them, I am certain I’ll probably not get a response anyway!

I got some expensive dental work done today, and I forgot how little my insurance actually covers. So when they told me what I needed to pay and asked how I’d be paying for it, my response was, “With wishes and dreams.” Seriously. My one tooth is worth a year’s worth of car payments so far, and it ain’t even done yet! Next step is the crown, and for what it costs, I could get a REAL one for my head!!!

“The greatest words I never heard
I guess I’ll never hear
The man I thought could never die
Has been dead almost a year.”

— Reba McEntire, “Greatest Man I Never Knew”

I’ve refrained from posting about last week’s “Grey’s Anatomy” because the the episode was another one that made me swoon and yet make me want to slit my wrists, all at the same time.

Read the rest of this entry »

I don’t even want to talk about how many hours I was not at work between yesterday and today (hint: not many), but damn, I’m tired. I am trying to just do two last projects before calling it a day, but it’s gonna be rough. (And we’re not talking about exactly what kind of day we’re going to call it!)

In better news (I guess), they changed the dress code to biz casual. But still no jeans, not even on Fridays. And I own exactly two pairs of casual pants, so I will probably be wearing suits till the end of time just cuz I HAVE them. In sum, to quote a colleague, men don’t have to wear ties anymore, and the women get to watch them not wearing ties. How exciting is that?!?! 🙂

In any event, nothing else to type today. Back on the apartment-hunting bandwagon this weekend. I think I have a ridiculously easy solution to all of this, one so obvious I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner. And no, it doesn’t involve moving into the office, although that wouldn’t be the least-appropriate option in all of this! (“Sunny came home with a mission. …”)

After my whole three hours of sleep last night this morning, I decided to, uh, get happy. (My metaphor for breaking out the heavy machinery. *cough*) I think I sprained something. It’s pretty bad when I can’t walk after getting some … from myself.

*bonk*

*snooze*