Caterwauling

Happy Paddy’s Day! I haven’t had this much to drink since my friend Shan still lived in town and we’d go drown our sorrows every night after work. *hic* Did the drinking thing, a charity-bowling thing (I suck, and not just what girls normally suck!) and, surprise, more drinking! Lord.

It occurs to me that I don’t drink often, but when I do? It’s to forget being born. I don’t necessarily think I made a mistake, but I do admit to wondering when the fuck I’m going to start injecting logic (and, perhaps, REALITY) into my decision-making.

In any event, it was a TERRIFIC day. I just hate how staring into the bottom of a beer pitcher glass makes me question everything I say, do, think and feel.

In interesting news, I just got a call from someone who makes me happy. Whether it’s the beginning of something beautiful or simply just someone who “Gets” me enough to put up with me for awhile, it’s all good.

Sometimes doors close and the draft blows open a window. And sometimes, you’ve just got to barricade the door to keep it from becoming hermetically sealed.

I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, but perhaps not drinking and smoking, at least for tonight, is a real fine place to start. … 😉

So I’m late to the party with this, but I was sort of drunk while I was watching it, but OMIGOD, Izzie slept with George! Seriously!!!

I had to admit I was rooting for Alex and Izzie to get back together, as he’s turned out to be human and, well, she’s a lonely girl. And we all know how frustrated we become after we haven’t gotten any for awhie. 😉 And there he is, living in the house now — yeah, in George’s old room but still, a girl wouldn’t turn away a hot guy who happens to be in the proximity. (Admittedly, I really want to see Alex and Addison together, but if Addison’s getting her own show — um, squee! — I doubt they’d do that “90210”/”Melrose” show crossover thing.)

In any event, I don’t love losing Addison from the show. Of everyone on that show that I have a crush on, I think she’s the clear winner.

However it ends up for any of them, the best line from the Grey’s Writer’s blog was that “Maybe the best relationship you’ll ever have … you’re already having.”

And yes, it’s sad that I check in more on these characters than I do on my own friends. 😉 But hey, they’re my standing Thursday night date!

“Don’t you just love
A Hollywood ending
In the nick of time
She’s gonna come through
But you can spend your whole life
Pretending
It’s going to go that way for you, too

‘Cause only you know her secret heart
She doesn’t mean to be unkind
And the waiting is not so hard
What’s a little more time?

(chorus)
We’re all
Fools for something
I’m smarter than this
Oh, I swallow every line
We’re all
Fools for something
She’s your loveliest weakness
He was my longest goodbye

Hey I know just where you are
I ate up every last word
And we swore you’d never let it get this far
And you’d never get hurt

Hey I know I can’t change your mind
Like you can’t change your heart
Hey I know the cliche
‘Love is blind’
But who knew it could be so dark

(chorus)

My heart is dry

Don’t you just love
A Hollywood ending
In the nick of time
She’s gonna come through
But you can spend your whole life
Pretending
It’s going to happen that way
For you, too

We’re all fools for something
I’m smarter than this
I’ve never let anyone by

We’re all
Fools for something
Someone

She’s your loveliest weakness
He was my longest
Loveliest weakness

Loveliest weakness
He was my longest goodbye
My heart is dry
My truest lie.”

— Edie Carey, “Hollywood Ending”

Now my apartment management is refusing to release any information on me to the place where I want to live. Something about me now having to go in and sign some fucking forms. Honest to Christ, I’ve been approved in how many other places? Did they just decide to fuck with me even further? I give up. Really. If you see me on the news tonight being carted off to jail on homicide charges, please note the delirious laughter and know that I enjoyed ridding the world of some idiocy!

For those of you in other time zones, please please PLEASE catch “October Road.” If for nothing else, for the music. You’ll thank me. Trust me.

The drunker I get, the more I dance around the house. (Thank you, Bacardi.) And I am so going to unpack my REO Speedwagon CDs, thanks to this fabulous show!

Did you ever hold it against somebody that the only thing they’ve done wrong is simply not be somebody else? That the somebody else might or might not be absolute perfection, but that’s what you perceive them to be and, thus, anyone who isn’t them can’t live up to what you think they are so why even try? One wonders whether we pass up *some* love in favor of this amazing, magical, fantastical love we might or might not ever get.

The loss is probably mine, but what I hope to gain (if ever I do) probably couldn’t even compare. But damn, the interim? Hurts like hell. …

It has to be a good day because it’s payday and bonus day. Whee! Of course, it’s all going into moving, but whatever. It’s nice to feel like I can actually afford something today.

When I was applying at the latest place, the guy wasn’t the slightest bit nice to me till he saw my pay stubs. Whereupon he said a snotty, “Well, I wish I made THIS kind of money.” Which, disclaimer: In D.C., it doesn’t go far, but whatever. Take that salary to Pittsburgh and I’d have a loft on the North Shore or a freaking HOUSE in Bethel Park, but OK. Classy.

I’m still pretty pissed off about being forced to explain myself, about why I have holds on several apartments till I decide on the right one. And I wonder if they wouldn’t even have called me, had I not contacted them. They said I’m otherwise approved, once they talk to my current apartment management. It was like interviewing for a fucking JOB — they asked, “What will they say about you when we call?” And I said, “Good luck getting them to pick up a phone, and if they do, they’ll tell you I’m angry at their incompetence.”

The funny thing? The new place said, “Don’t say that (about them not answering) — we want to get this resolved today.” Apparently they DIDN’T pick up, because I’m still waiting! 😀

I walked around the “new” place last night. In heels. And almost killed myself. Where you park isn’t close to where you live, and the sidewalks? For shit. Seriously. I don’t know if it’s because the District maintains them (and therefore doesn’t mind potholes not only in the roadways, but also the walkways) or because I am a princess. Let’s go with the latter. 😉

You know, everyone keeps telling me I’ll know my dream place when I see it. But I have seen it; I just can’t afford it!

I’m struggling between wondering why things that should come easily, well, don’t. Is it a sign to keep looking? I’m at my wits’ end, people. I’m not in love with it enough to fight for it, but I’m running out of options. I have one particular area in which I want to be, and I’m not budging on the ZIP Code. But I’ve explored every available option and I’m annoyed to be spending money I don’t have on a place I don’t love.

I love the place I’m in, but I spent a whole year practically living out of boxes. I think it’s a sign that I never really unpacked. Mom was so thrilled to see “how far” I’ve come in packing, but then she realized, “Those boxes are in the same place they were when you moved in, right?” Right.

One wonders whether I shouldn’t go month-to-month (at an extra expense), if I even still can, until the right opportunity presents itself. But will it ever?

“Venti” isn’t just on the menu at Starbucks; that’s how I’m feeling today — very “venty.”

Cryptic bullshit alert: The Howling Hyena has been quiet, but seems to be coming back with a dull roar. Gah. Don’t feed the animals, people. Seriously.

Seems like everyone’s on edge today (not just me). We’re all in a state of waiting for something, even if we don’t know what it is. Others are waiting on me; I’m waiting on people beyond them. Everyone’s just sitting around, both anticipating and dreading when the first domino falls because it’s going to be a goddamned whirlwind when those little bastards start toppling.

There’s a part of me that’s enjoying the quiet, and the other that’s ready to just get it the fuck overwith already. I’m just so ready to move on to the next stage of things, personally and professionally, but I’m not in the mood to lay the foundation. Can’t I just wiggle my nose, blink and nod my head, and it will just happen already?

The latest apartment building to which I’ve applied was actually NOT going to approve me based on the the fact that I have holds on three other apartments in the city. They’re like, why the hell would we want you if you’re spreading that income over that many places?

(Do the math — I can’t afford ONE place, let alone four!)

They just need to call the idiots in charge of my current abode, and then I’ll be approved.

But good to know that they can SEE what you’ve done so far. Damn it. I hate that shit — I hate that I have to explain why I took Place B and Place M and Place Q but that I REALLY want Place C.

One wonders whether all these fucking hurdles are meant to make me want the places more, or whether it’s a sign to keep looking. I’m so goddamned tired of this process, the drama, the aggravation, the insanity, the sleepless nights.

I think I love the place I’m going to take. (Note that “think.”) It’s in a high-rise with a security entrance. And as I am special and need protection, it’s perfect for me. Moving day might be a real bitch, but then again, so am I!

It’s upward of 70 degrees outside in the Metro D.C. region today, which doesn’t do me a shit bit of good ’cause the shackles are around my ankles at my desk. Luckily, I have a huge-ass window, so at least I can appreciate daylight-saving time in some regard!

But what I notice when the weather gets warmer is that the women wear more skirts, ostensibly to catch a breeze. And I hate to say it, but the warmer the weather, the more inclined I am to wear pants. Not because I want to strangle my hoo-ha, but because if I wear a skirt without pantyhose, the friction of my thighs rubbing together could cause a fucking four-alarm fire. And I just can’t deal with pantyhose because I haven’t shaved my legs in a week I usually end up spearing them with my fingernails and ruining them before I even have them fully pulled on.

In any event, it’s a Wednesday — the (no-time-to) hump day. So, I’d better get humpin’ — er, hoppin’. 🙂