Actual phone conversation:
Mom: Sorry to bother you, but did you want a birthday cake?
Me: No, but thanks
Mom: But you’ve got to have cake. It’s your birthday!
Me: I’m aware of that. But save the money; don’t need it. Thanks!
Mom: But how can I sing happy birthday if you don’t have a cake?
Me: Fine, then get a cake
Mom: You’re being mean. If you don’t want cake, just say so.
Me: That’s what I said, no?
Mom: I never see you on your birthdays. This is the first birthday I’ve spent with you in years. We need cake.
Me: Then order cake. Or don’t. Surprise me.
Mom: White cake with chocolate icing?
Me: Why did you bother even calling to ask when you had a plan all along?