I’d had an entry written, posted and published earlier this morning, but I see Dreamhost was down AGAIN and the post evaporated. Glorious.
Oh well. The whole point was that you get what you ask for, and now that I’m back in a very familiar place, I’m doing something I never did. Sure, I’m wondering whether I’m worthy of what’s coming my way, but I’m taking the next step to wonder whether they’re worthy of me. I guess there’s a part of me that always used to assume that I deserved what I got. But the older, wiser me isn’t in the mood to settle for what I used to accept.
I’ve waited for too long to not be absolutely thrilled with what it is that I’ve been waiting for. Bottom line, I can wait longer if I have to. And damn it, I’m going to ask for what I want instead of accepting the bare minimum as the best it gets. There’s a part of me that always wanted to prove that I could give everyone a run for their money, and now? I don’t feel like it anymore.
And seriously people, it’s a dating service, not goddamned Adult Friend Finder. (I retired that tiara a LONG time ago, kids.) Not to mention, but you’re lucky I’m as sane as I am. Giving me work and home contact information in the first message or two? Makes me wonder whether you even COULD handle a class act like moi. I think everyone, for as much as they say they aren’t, really is looking for a headcase.
Here I sit, wondering whether I’m good enough for these people who seem OK on the surface, but the deeper I delve, the more I realize that they’re the ones who need to be impressing me. And so far? Three out of 10 are worth another look, and the third one is even giving me pause.
I don’t know. I’ve tried so hard to get back into the game I very much voluntarily left behind, because while some of my needs were being met, the more-important ones were shelved for “someday.” And here I find myself finally back where I left off, and it feels just as cruddy as I wouldn’t acknowledge back then. But I’m older/smarter now. If you want to attract a lady, you’ll get one in me. So treat me like it or I’ll gladly find someone else who will.
I’ve waited this long. And while there are no doubt more dicks to suck frogs to kiss, I don’t want to get warts in the interim, thanks. I care more about me than most of them combined ever will. And I need to stay focused on that and not let my natural weaknesses let me lapse back into what the “old” me would have done when faced with the tempting, oh-so-juicy, yummy low-hanging fruit. …