Caterwauling

So there’s this attractive guy at church. I’ve seen him around — he’s always dressed impeccably and even expensively. I’ve never really made it a point to talk to him or anything like that because, well, I am a girl who appreciates the scenery but am not much on the interaction thing.

They make us stand at the beginning of services and turn around to greet each other. It’s sweet and obnoxious all at the same time. Except … I realized that I was sitting behind Mr. Well-Dressed yesterday and the first person HE moved to greet was ME!

*slight swoon*

And I know it was only a five-second interaction, but I had one of those weird revelations. Here I was thinking he was all unapproachable and good-looking and he would never talk to (say it with me, girls) “someone like me.” Weirder still, after we exchanged pleasantries, my inner voice went, “Meh.”

Yep, the dude I was so jazzed to meet? Sort of wooden, in a hollow kind of way.

Yes, I know it was only a quick interaction. I’m sure he’s got an IQ to match mine or at least a bank account to mask mine. 🙂

But it was one of those moments that I thought, wow, I don’t always think that highly of myself. But then there’s this untouchable type and I realized, shit, I have 10 times the amount of personality. He might be pretty to look at, but I’m probably way more fun to hang out with!

I don’t mean to sound mean-spirited. Quite the contrary — I’m taking a moment to pay myself a compliment. Lately, I’m so afraid of being turned down, and I don’t really know why, because it’s pointless to think of someone else as “better” than you. Different, sure, but that’s about it.

And yes, maybe Mr. Well-Dressed is just shy or perhaps not an easy conversationalist like I usually am. (Or, for that matter, as easy as I am. Ha!)

Anywho, I guess this blinding flash of the obvious was an eye-opener for me, that if we all just look at each other (and ourselves) as humans just looking for someone to “get” them and appreciate them for a moment, we’re really not so different after all. …

Ah, the witticisms are flying.

“Have a nice day.”

“I was until you called!”

Goddess is at home in bed right now, napping under her fluffy winter comforter from IKEA that is designed for the coldest months.

The body of Goddess, however, has had “a day” so far and it’s one that ain’t over yet. Far from it. 🙂

It’s “good” busy, though. I am leaving town in short order, and guess who is flying one day but whose hotel stay doesn’t begin till the next day? Yep. And who was told that her hotel for the unplanned night would cost $499? Ha!

I went to my travel agent and got alternate accommodations for the first night, and now I’m paying over $200 for Teh Cheese. It was either Teh Cheese or Bubble Gum Vomitorium, which had a little too much of Teh Pink for my tastes. *barf* I can’t WAIT to take photos and talk about what an experience it was, which means I will probably fall in love with it.

In good news, my Amazon.com order just arrived, as I bought some shit for ze trip and will now have auditory joy on ze plane. Yay for imports!

Hmm, 4:30 p.m. and I still haven’t started today’s newsletter, last week’s report, two weeks ago’s slideshow and today’s Web site. Guess I know where I’ll be for the next dozen hours. …

Wanted to wish a belated happy birthday to Tiff, whom we actively celebrated on Saturday but who we always mentally celebrate every other day. 😉

The quote of the day from that gathering: “Sit down and enjoy your birthday next to the brown man!” LOL.

I also wanted to take this moment to celebrate all the veterans and soldiers on active duty on this Veteran’s Day. Here’s to hoping they can all get private insurance, because otherwise the Veterans Hospitals will finish the job that the wars started.

Here’s to remembering my own fallen veteran today, who triumphed over Hitler’s men but couldn’t survive the ineptitude of some horse-faced cunt named “Dr.” (ha!) Trang at the Veterans Hospital in Aspinwall, Pa. It’s been a rotten year without you, buddy. I miss you.

I have to laugh when my Jewish friends like to read my blog after I attend Christian services, but here goes nothing, as usual. 😉

I wasn’t impressed with the service today, but that would be because I sat in the back row and I STILL had a kid kicking the back of my seat. Seriously. Someone didn’t drop their lil hellions in the playroom and I got stuck with three kids either crawling over our legs in an attempt to get from one aisle to the next, breathing over my shoulder/whispering to siblings or, like I said, kicking my chair.

And I realized I have a loooonnng way to go in becoming as good a child of God as I’m supposed to be. Because I cannot control my anger enough to not picture beating them over the head with a bible and hissing, “Quiet, for Christ’s sake!” 🙂

Perhaps it is, in fact, God’s plan that I do not have any children and will not for the foreseeable future!

Anyway, today’s moral to the story was greater than the message intended to illustrate it was, which was basically that our role is to become a person of impact. And that we all have the talent to do it, so we should be examining how to make our lives purposeful.

The pastor told a story about a man who saved a girl from drowning, and he got an award from the U.S. Coast Guard for it. But the funny part was that the award was never before given to someone who didn’t know how to swim.

Now that was worth the price of admission right there.

Personally, I have someone looking at me and wanting me to fix everything, and I am so FRUSTRATED because I cannot even solve my own fucking problems, let alone find the time and strength to deal with others’ shit that the should be resourceful enough to handle. I look at their problems as not necessarily trivial, but surmountable.

And if I can be making steps toward solving the clusterfuck of a labyrinth that I always seem to find myself wandering around in, why the fuck can’t they handle their own goddamned load? Furthermore, who are they to question us and the decisions we do/don’t make about our own shit when they’re looking at “inertia” as a choice?

I hate this “good Christian” shit. I am so annoyed at the obligations that are put upon us that drain resources away from what we really want to be doing and how we want to be doing it. If we even have time to remember what that was, quite honestly, as I forget what I wanted to do to change the world. I feel like I’m the one who’s drowning and yet hauling ass to pull others ashore and I don’t even know how to swim, either.

But if I stop, does the whole world have to stop, too? Doesn’t anyone take turns trying to get to dry land?

But perhaps the greater message today was that your first purpose on this earth is to behave as a good son or daughter of God. Feel however you want about your life’s predicaments, but do the right thing when it comes down to it because you never know how many more chances you’ll get to not fuck up.

I feel like we all waste those chances, but breaking out of that pattern is perhaps the biggest challenge of my young life so far. I guess I just hope that once I do get on dry land — and I WILL — there’ll be a change of clothes and something else that was worth swimming toward. …

Considering that the cat shit in my shoes this morning and I had to roll up my pants and clean poo off my legs, toes, feet and a multicolor rug that she left a very-stinky yet colorless streak on, the day hasn’t turned out too badly.

But the problem with wishing for the day to just end already means that you’re just leaving more work for another day. And considering that I only have a couple of days left on some big deadlines, I’m not wont to wish away this workday because this is going to hang over my head all weekend and into next week.

Not much else to say other than that the holiday season is here and I am not looking forward to it. Not one bit. There’s officially no reason left to celebrate. I’d be happy if the whole season would just forget to happen. And hell, since Wal-Mart started discounting its Christmas items before Halloween even hit, it might just pass by unnoticed. I hope so, anyway.

It’s weird — I’m not unhappy. I just don’t feel that I’m overly happy. though. I’ve got my joy intact — I’m just not overjoyed.

I notice with some folks, they have incredible focus, and I envy them that. I know people who work hard and play hard and don’t let the two overlap. I work hard when inspiration strikes (my job has become a very creative one and that means sometimes packing up for the day without one real, tangible piece of output) but I obsess over things I didn’t manage to do when it comes to playtime. And because playtime isn’t balls-out enjoyable, I feel blah when I’m supposed to be focusing on the important things.

So, I’m going to come up with five things that make me happy, and I’m going to do all of them this weekend. Maybe I’ll even throw in one or two things I’ve never done before, just to shake things up. And I’m going to focus on those moments and thoroughly enjoy them even if it kills me. 🙂

ZOMG!

15 Minute Lunch takes us back in the time machine to the 1977 J.C. Penney catalog. What a trip …

Strap in, shut up and hold on. We’re going back.

Go visit for the photos. Stay for the captions. My favorite was with the matching his-and-hers bathing suits:

“And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and an appreciative blonde with a look on her face that says ‘I love the way your junk fights against that fabric.'”

I’m not going to tell you which outfits I had, but I will admit that I unwittingly committed several fashion offenses because I wasn’t the one doing the clothes-buying in that year. I’m not culpable!

I was talking to my BFF (that’s Best Ferengi Forever) and watching someone clumsily count to two on their fingers. So I did the Vulcan peace sign (the “V”) and counted “one … two,” which set us off into gales of laughter.

Someone who could overhear us giggling asked what we were doing, and my BFF said we were going to hell. I said we were in the process of booking the flight. And my friend gets the award for Quote of the Day …

“We’re using our frequent-fryer miles.”

It’s not as funny in the translation, but we think we’re fucking geniuses. 🙂

My next work trip is closing in and, alas, the angels are singing hallelujah because I was just asked to go a day earlier than scheduled. Mostly because Goddess likes the airlines to believe she’s a terrorist because she doesn’t buy her ticket until two days before takeoff.

Alas, as the only soul who hadn’t yet made a reservation, I was the obvious choice to go out and get the party started set up. And thank God — the sooner I can start using the corporate card, the happier I will be. And when I come back? Many hangovers Payday will have occurred. w00t!

I’m just glad because I had wanted so badly to book a few extra days but, alas, I’m not exactly cash-flow-positive. So, hurrah, I get to work remotely, but it’s also time (mostly) to myself before the rest of the team arrives. Am psychotically in love with this job today.

Good thing I didn’t unpack much from my last trip!

Speaking of being a hoe on the go, I’m uploading 90 photos of Lake Tahoe to Flickr as I type this. Check ’em out!

I read in Michael Losier’s book “Law of Attraction” something about how if you have an empty wallet, you’re generating negative vibrations that continue to keep you and money separated. Whereas, however, if you always keep money in your wallet, you will feel good when you look into it — you will feel that, yes, I can afford things that I want. And therefore, mystically, because you do not feel that cash is a problem in your life, more cash will be attracted to you.

That’s a nice fucking thought when I only have a dollar left till payday. 🙂

Well, maybe there is something to what he said after all. I won’t complain about my pay level but what I will grouse about is that my net pay doesn’t go far enough. The only reason why I take pause at voting for Hillary Clinton (which I will. I already have the bumpersticker) is that I just KNOW my taxes are going up. And the government already eats a third of what I make — I am aware that electing a Democrat to office surely means giving up even more of my hard-earned dollars. Oh well. It’s a small price to pay for running the country right for the next four or hopefully even eight years.

But to Losier’s point, I do have some emergency money in my pretty, shiny new wallet. Nothing much — a half-tank of gas is about all it will get me — but I wanted to experiment with this “feeling like I always have money” concept, as it is a foreign one and all. And I don’t know whether it’s the Law of Attraction or the universe having one fucked-up sense of humor, but freelance opportunities are falling out of the sky.

And for as expensive as my life has become (*sigh* — and not in a luxurious way), boy those extra dollars to pay the phone bill would sure be nice. But I don’t think I can take them. Not timewise — fuck, I lose enough sleep as it were; might as well be productive, eh? But I worry that in my quest to get ahead, I could cause myself to get even-more behind. I can’t explain it (here, anyway) but the phrase “opportunity cost” says it nicely.

It’s just like when I attempt to get ahead of tasks. I had joked with someone that procrastination is rewarded, and as always, there is a huge nugget of truth behind the humor, because nothing could be more true. So when it comes to making more money, do I plug my ears and go “la la la” because it could bring me more grief than rewards, or do I forge ahead like all the other people who have no concern for anything but themselves and hope that a few hundred dollars here doesn’t cost me thousands later on?