Too twisted for color TV inside my head right now, but can’t let this opportunity slide to get some old-fashioned venting out of my system lest I take it out on the people who really deserve to get pimp-slapped for their stupidity:
* Iowa primaries: Damn it, damn it, damn it. My Hillary needs to make a strong showing in New Hampshire. And I need to figure out where the fuck my voter registration card is and whether I can still vote at the same place.
* Tigers eating people at zoos: Stop tormenting the tigers, poking the penguins, etc. All you assholes who keep jabbing me with a stick repeatedly are lucky that I don’t pounce and rid the world of dumbassery, one pain-in-the-ass at a time. I feel bad that they had to put down the tiger who attacked — I understand that once it has the taste of human blood, it will probably want more. But still, you put wild animals in a semi-partioned area and you don’t think instinct is going to take over eventually?
* That’s goddess with a small ‘g’ today: I’ve never doubted my ability to run the empire. But I’m so worn down by the metric shitload of distractions that I’m staring at the mountain and wondering why I didn’t turn out like those who just put in their time and can leave it all behind when the clock strikes five. And is it too late to become like that, or would this tiger go apeshit after 10 minutes with that mentality?
* The gym I wanted to join is sort of expensive: As if I didn’t have enough excuses. But it’s either therapy or the gym — I feel like goddamned Jamiroquai in the “Virtual Insanity” video. The walls are closing in from all sides and I want to hide in a really big hat. I’d say I want to sleep all day, but guess who’s battling insomnia again?
* Can my cats just crap inside the box, just once? And stop overturning all the trash cans in the house to look for food? Fat little fuckers act like they don’t get fed. Sheesh. Maddie will literally chomp on the cookie, sammich or whatever you have in your hand. Is there a kitty gym membership, too? Because THAT I’d be glad to pay for!