Caterwauling

Final feet-up day, originally uploaded by dcwriterdawn.

It’s been a good three-and-a-half years (two of which were at this very desk), but it’s time to move on. One last (busted-up) feet-up day for old times’ sake, and two more boxes to pack, and I’m outta here. It’s not a day of endings — no, just the opposite. I feel like a completely new person. Bigger and better adventures await!

Delayed by at least a dozen years but no sense in waiting any longer:

Hey Psychofag,

Just because you comment doesn’t mean I have to read it. The “mass edit” mode helps me to make you disappear from my Web site the way you need to evaporate from my life.

You hate me? Sorry to hear it. You want me to die? Believe me, if it rids me of you, it’s apparently not the worst option. You wanna keep making fun of a dead man who was loved more than you’ll ever be? Have at it — you can’t hurt him and therefore you can’t hurt me.

Since unsubscribing from my blog feed or, gasp, not visiting Caterwauling.com is clearly above your intelligence level, too bad — so sad.

I was through with you in 1993. I was through with you in 1995. I was through with you in 1998. I was through with you pretty much the whole period between 2002 and now. And what, do you think I miss you? I miss someone who doesn’t exist anymore (and hasn’t, for some time now). Or maybe that person was an illusion you showed me to try to get someone like me into your clutches or that vicious circle inside your head.

I admit, all those times I came back? Were because I was afraid. Keeping one’s enemies closer, blah blah blah. I spent too much time being afraid and settling for sub-par scraps of so-called friendship. You were so afraid of me finding better friends, because I’d leave when I did. You were right. So stop punishing me for it and start changing to be someone that others would WILLINGLY hang around.

Get help. Get healthy. Unlike your latest directive, no I’m not going to die. But as I once again have to be the better person (you haven’t made it difficult to do that), I want you to LIVE. I want you to THRIVE. I want you to see how AWESOME life can be without anger and hatred bubbling out of every pore.

My pastor says sometimes you have to keep forgiving people, even when you’ve already done it a million times. Let’s make it a million and one and cap it there.

When you look back on your life and realize how much time you spent trying to make people supposedly regret not being your friend — instead of trying to be a better friend to those who were within arm’s reach — you’ll realize all the love you missed out on (that you willingly sacrified).

Stop using people and start loving yourself. Ask God to help you change, and even you will be amazed at how truly great He can help you to be. And even for those times that I couldn’t forgive you, maybe He will. …

Goddess (and don’t you forget it)