I was looking so forward to writing a post about how sad and yet happy my last few days of work were, but then Mommy just started blubbering in my doorway about how she can’t handle this move and she doesn’t know where to start and blah blah blah blah blah. And now I’m just annoyed because it’s this precise “give up before you even try” attitude that’s made her completely dependent on me.
I extended the invitation to come to Florida solely on the basis of it being cheaper to keep her. Sure, I was planning to send her money to live on, but I can’t afford to do it now. I can’t help her get a place (and get her shit TO it) and put down security deposits and whatnot because that’s what I’m busy doing for me. Fuq, I just slapped a check with a comma in the mail yesterday as a security deposit to my new place; don’t even talk to me about what this adventure is ultimately costing me. And she’s whining about packing some boxes? Not interested. Seriously.
Anyway.
Gemini weekly horoscope, courtesy Astrocenter.com:
The Sun moves into Aries on Friday, which brings a burst of fresh energy to your social life. It’s time for new buds and shoots to spring up in this area. With Venus in Aries, too, this is a promising time for dating and for all new relationships. Even old friendships get off to a new start. Jupiter continues to move through your adventure zone, encouraging you to look to the future and invest some time and energy in trying your hand at other things. If you ever wanted to get a book published, go for it now.
I’m so ready to move on to the next phase of my life, it isn’t even funny.
In better news, I just treated myself to one of those newfangled tiny, shiny black iPod shuffles that came out this week. It’s my “congratulations, self, for surviving four years at the old job,” although a friend wants to do an iPod exchange and if I do give up my sexy little iPod temporarily, I’d better get it back!
This little iPod represents something huge for me. I left my last job and nearly died after five months of unemployment, save for selling the occasional vibrator out of a suitcase and accepting far less than I was worth to do freelance writing and editing.
I started my job on the 17th of the month with $30 in my pocket and an eviction notice. This one, I will start with a little tiny bit still left in my savings and with the love and support of dozens of people who are cheering me on both from the gig I’m leaving and the new one I’m starting.
In other words, I am going out on top — the way it should be, and should always have been.
A part of me wishes that it didn’t have to be this way — that I could have had the job and the friends and the money and one (or more) of the boys I’m leaving behind and the beach, all wrapped up into one. But for the first time in my life, I’m giving this all up to fate. Sure, I will work hard to maintain the relationships. But really, if we’re all meant to be in the same room again, we will be. There’s too much love to lose to let it happen any other way.
And there’s a whole lot more to be found that I never would have experienced had I stayed put. I’d never be able to see, appreciate or even accept it without having been surrounded by those who’ve pounded it into my head how much I deserve it all along.
I plan to make everyone proud. Self included!