I know it’s impossible to tell from this blog, but emotions bore me. Not mine, of course. 😉 Just everyone else’s.
Most of my friends can tell you stories of how I head for the hills when things get too intense. I don’t know what it is about me — whether it’s that I’m a Gemini, or also that being a heartless bitch goes with having my real name, as I know another person with my name who also hates drama and being touched by strange people (unless I WANT them to. heh) and all that jazz — but maybe I fear emotion because I just don’t know how to deal with it other than to avoid it altogether or else get consumed by it.
Goddess haz a sad these days. I was fine with the recent state of affairs (think, “the more things change, the more they stay the same”). But then yesterday, I saw my friends Tweeting that they’d arrived at their vacation destination. (A place that I have been DYING to go to, and I had fully planned on being on this trip.) I also saw it was other friends’ wedding anniversary — and, having known them as a couple since, oh, their first date, it’s as much an occasion for me because my friends are my family.
So, yeah, I was pretty freaking bummed out yesterday.
I mean, I can live with my self-exile to Siberia. But I guess the feeling — true or not — that not much other than the weather had changed REALLY snuck up on me.
And even as I enjoyed a rare night off and spent it with a glorious gaggle of new friends, well, what I wouldn’t have traded to be with my old ones right then. But don’t get me wrong — I have fallen into a REALLY terrific group down here. I would be remiss if I didn’t say that there are GREAT people in Florida, and they’re all transplanted from Manhattan. 😉 I guess I was just tired and incredibly bitchy and doing everything in my power not to break down into exhausted tears.
Which I did on the drive home, of course. As I parted ways on the highway with a friend who’s going back home — a friend who was part of my old world AND my new one — I just gave in to the stress and let the tears flow.
I’ll be back to my hardass bitchy self soon enough. But right now, I just want to fade away for a bit and not have a spotlight shone on my own inability to deal with shit right now.
And here’s to hoping that Sabre and I can make our extended weekend in Seattle actually happen as planned. (Lachlan and Bayou, care for a houseguest?) 😉
In the meantime, you know where this is going …
“Do you dream
That the world will know your name
So tell me your name
Do you care
About all the little things
Or anything at all?I wanna feel
All the chemicals inside
I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn
Just to know that I’m alive
To know I’m aliveDon’t tell me if I’m dying, cause I don’t wanna know
If I can’t see the sun, maybe I should go
Don’t wake me cause I’m dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon.”— Thriving Ivory, “Angels on the Moon”