In my last apartment, I refused to turn on the A/C till the Over-Extended Houseguest got a job. That was “never,” for those who are keeping score at home. But it was nice and breezy there so it didn’t matter much.
In my new apartment, A/C has been mandatory (as heat rises), although the $500 electric bill ensured I shut that shit off right quick. I’d only kept the apartment on 83 degrees and it’s about 90 outside on any given day.
So now I just don’t sleep because I’m up, drowning in a puddle of my own perspiration. Not only have I not had a good night’s sleep in three months because A) Maddie’s gone and I can’t sleep without her and B) I can’t stop fretting over bills, but now I don’t even have an opportunity to at least cool down and snooze for a few minutes.
I am taking a brief hiatus from trying to find the bright side because, frankly, I’ve got too much else to do right now. I cannot believe I was so desperate to get rid of my mother that I took on two apartments. OMG, did I honestly think this was the first step toward my happily ever after?
Ultimately, I think I made the right decision, although this adventure in Amityville (seems the 1,000-year-old air conditioning unit is the cause of my electrical woes. Do ya think anyone will fix or replace it, though?) is adding more stress than enjoyment to my life. I wouldn’t mind paying all this money if it were paradise. But it’s like wiping your ass with a hundred-dollar bill each day and there’s not a shred of food in the fridge.
I used to believe that even our mistakes were good — that wherever you are, is where you’re supposed to be. But it was once I became 100% responsible for someone else’s well-being that my nerves got all shot to shit. Every decision I make affects her. What if I want to go back to D.C.? Guess who has to come along. What if my dreams actually come true and I meet a handsome stranger who sweeps me off my feet and takes me to Paris? Yep, gotta figure out what to do with Mom. And I won’t even think about what if it all goes completely to pot and the income spigot stops flowing, as I’ve been in that situation before. Who can help me then? That’d be a big fat “no one.”
No wonder I’m riding the anxiety train here. My Aunt Lenna used to always tell us that things would look better in the morning. But that was provided that you actually got a full night’s sleep. No wonder sleep deprivation is an effective form of torture … I’m halfway to nuts and gaining speed!